chat, feelings, and random discussion thread

[marduk1507]

What an interesting discussion. And it really proves rahvins last rant wrong. This particular discussion goes really deep (mostly thanks to hyena), and the whole subject matter reminds me of DT a lot. There are loads of shit in here, yes, but this is exactly why I keep coming back. People involved in this discussion, and the discussion itself compliment DT. This is how I see their music and their lyrics, and I dont think its just a coincidence these people keep coming to this very forum.

I think what Taliesin had in mind was emotional intelligence, this term has been used in psychology a lot lately. Although he says hes far from having figured hyena out, I think he is closer than he thinks. As fireangel pointed out, trying to mould social or relationship issues into something logically coherent can be fine, we all keep doing it, but it doesnt lead anywhere, when there is very little of emotional intelligence. I am happy to see hyenas words, and I wish her the best in trying to break the cycle. I hope this is not just another round of the spiral, or the upper part of the harmonic curve, because shed had periods like this before, and then she plunged into those attacks again. The same wishes go to Siren. I have the worst part of this struggle behind me, but you all know there is a lot to work on still (hyena is particularly good at disclosing that ). Keep going people, its fantastic.

 

[Taliesin]

If you do not wish to be self-destructive, then simply don't be. There is no excuse for the influence from another person, you let him influence you.

It's not that easy. People cant just change because they decide so. Also, focusing on the symptoms often deflects you from the real issues. Only if you know what makes you behave the way you do, you can try to understand and then try to change. Those things have often become part of your daily habits, mental routines or even your personality, so a real change is probably gonna be a lifetime-long struggle.

So if you wish to change, then concentrate on the metamorphosis. Put your mind where you want it, instead of letting it roam in regret. Focusing on the past gets you nowhere.

That's some good advice, given you do it in a positive and constructive way and dont try to bury your past in new plans. Things you only bury and dont really process will always come back at you. You cant run from your mind, no matter what you do, you'll always have to come to terms with what shapes and shaped your psyche.

 

[rahvin]

And it really proves rahvins last rant wrong.

HEY! Can we focus on the important issues, please? I mean, there's people suffering in the throes of personal hell here, you know?

 

[fireangel]

As fireangel pointed out, trying to mould social or relationship issues into something logically coherent can be fine, we all keep doing it, but it doesnt lead anywhere, when there is very little of emotional intelligence.

I didn´t say that it doesn´t lead anywhere only in the case of very little of emotional intelligence.
As you wrote, it can be fine, and I think it should be done, because that´s what experiences are there for, but it shouldn´t be in a neverending circle.
Also you cannot always compare new situations to old ones, there do happen fresh things, which you can´t categorize anywhere, too.
Taliesin is right that things need to be processed, but my point was, that you need to find a balance between living now and dealing with the past, and also to forgive yourself for past mistakes that can´t be changed anymore (and of course avoid doing them again). It would be insane to try and re-invent yourself every few months, because then you don´t have any personality at all, but aswell you cannot dwell forever in "what-if"-feelings; sometimes you just have to think: okay, I close this chapter now, I´ve thought enough about it and let´s see what happens now with my life.

 

[hyena]

well, it wasn't my intention to prove rahvin wrong.

@marduk: sorry if i sound pedantic, but i don't think you have a right to judge other people's behavior as you do, nor you have me 'figured out' as much as you think. i think that each person can apply a moral meter to themselves only; for example, even if i might have the same problem siren has, i do not have the right to say that siren is progressing/regressing in her life only based on the fact that this might be affine with feelings of progression/regression i have in my own life. it's not a linear process that's equal across people, and you have no more right to say that i'm getting better than you have to say that i'm getting worse. the only statement that you (or anyone else, for that matter) can make is whether they like me (or anyone else) more or less.

this is completely different from assessing emotional intelligence, which can be done fairly objectively. if someone says that i'm not as good as relating to others as siren is, well, that's a statement that can be proven on the basis of facts, e.g. siren doesn't get into fights as often as i can. but i think you can see where the two types of objection differ: my relative lack of social skill can be assessed neutrally, while the fundamental goodness/badness of my (or anyone else's) moral setup and choices cannot really be assessed without throwing your own moral setup and choices into the equation. it's the difference between palestinians living on israeli territory are economically backward and palestinians living on israeli territory belong to a lazy culture; the second phrase reflects a point of view, and one's sharing it or not depends on choice.

all of this was to say that you can't really say that i'm getting better when i'm less aggressive and that i'm getting worse when i "plunge back" into aggression. please refrain from patronizing me and expressing moral judgements on my behavior.

@fireangel: yes, yes i agree. one can't go on forever with the same old things. i'm trying to get over it, and it requires some sacrifices - for example, i realized that if i keep on having sex with my ex-boyfriend every time i meet him it's going to be hard for me to escape the feelings connected with that particular failure (which happened 6 years ago, go figure). of course, the price for this is risking total lack of sex; i haven't had that many partners since i split up with him, and i'm not a one-night stand person, therefore it's possible that months on end will pass without me getting absolutely any and even without the consolation of thinking that i may be having some when i see him. after a long struggle, i think i'm sort of ready to quit and face the risk: still, it's not that easy. i'll be able to tell you if the plan worked only in three weeks, if i manage to refrain while living in the same city as him then i'm really great and probably able to break the vicious circle of reminiscence, recrimination and projection.

 

[Taliesin]

I dont know how much of that was directed at me, but I never meant to patronise you. I tried to be quite general in my posts because as I said, I dont know you that well. I hope I didnt offend you, I was just trying to help and contribute to the rest of the discussion

 

[hyena]

@taliesin: no no, it was directed at marduk, i thought it was clear.

 

[marduk1507]

HEY! Can we focus on the important issues, please? I mean, there's people suffering in the throes of personal hell here, you know?

Hehe, yes, I know that doesnt mean much to you, but I find it interesting.

 

[marduk1507]

@hyena: Ok, fair enough. But I wasnt comparing you to Siren, I just included her in my wishing the best to you both.

 

[La Rocque]

@marduk: sorry if i sound pedantic, but i don't think you have a right to judge other people's behavior as you do

Hohoho, how miserable you must be, really. I sent you only ONE pm, and youve obviously read it. At least I know the answer now. You behave like a spoiled kid, you know. You wanted to spoil a little voting game, but daddy told you to piss off, eh? So from then on daddy is a know-it-all? Come on! Want some candy?
marekDDT

Why would you care if I'm miserable or happy? What's any of that to you?
btw I'm one happy chappy. Life is beautiful
I'm not a liar, did not read your PM
Me spoiled, that's the most asinine comment yet, like I keep saying you don't know me or you take what peeps say about me as if its the word of God.
Spoil the voting a game hmmmm I try to be positive with everything that's why I only wanted to use +'s
I only had one Daddy in my life and He is no longer with us and a day does not go by when I do not think of Him, I miss Him, "So from then on daddy(I guess you mean you?) is a know-it-all?" See hyena's comment
Candy, I don't eat that crap -

 

[marduk1507]

Why would you care if I'm miserable or happy? What's any of that to you?
btw I'm one happy chappy. Life is beautiful
I'm not a liar, did not read your PM
Me spoiled, that's the most asinine comment yet, like I keep saying you don't know me or you take what peeps say about me as if its the word of God.
Spoil the voting a game hmmmm I try to be positive with everything that's why I only wanted to use +'s
I only had one Daddy in my life and He is no longer with us and a day does not go by when I do not think of Him, I miss Him, "So from then on daddy(I guess you mean you?) is a know-it-all?" See hyena's comment
Candy, I don't eat that crap -

Thanks a lot for all the info. Had you done this before, we couldve been spared of all the bullshit you and I had to put up with.

 

[6 Stringed Fingers]

Tali: You're right, people cannot change as easily just because I can. I may think of the world in black and white, but they might not. So whatever works for me may not apply to them.
And yes, past experiences have to be taken into account in the new plans to avoid making the same mistakes again.

 

[Siren]

Well then, one of the lovers will have to move, doesn't he/she? I understand that with you older people, you can't just move to another city/country because you have already established a social status where you live, and to start anew somewhere else can be frustrating. But a new start in life can be refreshing, especially with someone that you enjoy spending your time.

Of course. But sometimes the situation can be such that moving is impossible for a long time. And that can be quite tricky.



@hyena: i wholeheartedly agree with your plan to talk to the person who caused much of your problems (i'm assuming it's your ex?). i recently did the same (though i hadn't planned it, he triggered the blowing up on his face of all those feelings i had bottled up for years). it was indeed a very liberating experience, and it made me feel like i could finally put all those bad things behind me. if you decide to go through with it, i very much hope it feels as good for you too.
of course this will not be enough to break the circle, that requires some attention and constant personal effort. but here's hope that it will at least help a bit.
breaking the circle is not impossible though, in my opinion it's more or less a matter of realisation and habit. the way you got used to mistreating men, you can also get used to treating them nicely again.

 

[Tritonus]

I planned my future yesterday. I think I will move to Gothenburg and study architecture. I have started to plan how to decorate my appartment and everything. Do you know where in the world to find black syntethic fur?

 

[VultureCulture]

1st: apply for studies
2nd: look for job
3rd: look for flat
4th: look for synthetic black fur

 

[Tritonus]

Well almost..

1st: look for synthetic black fur
2nd:apply for studies
3rd: get money from the goverment, or maybe looke for a job.
4th:look for flat

I can imagine ordering the fur from another country, so do you know where to get it?

 

[hyena]

tomorrow's flogging molly show is sold out. SHIT.

i'll go see agnostic front instead, but SHIT. i might want to try scalpers, but i've never seen a scalper in london.

 

[KitKat]

I feel sad! Really sad! As the NYC concert with Unexpect and Dissection is cancelled !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ((((((((((((((((((((

 

[Dark_Silence]

Yesterday evening, i felt a bit confused. I got a link to a blog of a friend I have known for 15 years, which whom I have been in the same class for 12 years. While I was reading this, I couldnt recognise her. She had changed so much, it felt so strange.
I know that after I went to the US, I almost lost contact with all my friends, and I only saw her thrice in the 2 last years, and it felt like contact wasnt very good between us.
Seeing someone become so totally different in 2 years was quite a shock for me... And this blog sounded so emo, so depressed. Sounded like a girl crying because she can never find her love... and reading the comments from other people it actully looks like she was thinking to kill herself or something

I learned by my parents that this friend's mom comitted suicide yesterday... now I hope she will have lots of courage and be strong...
thats so strange because her mom didnt look depressed at all, she was dynamic, and she seemed often to be in a good mood.
Now I guess i can be quite worried for her, because she said her dad was annoying and that she didnt like him very much...

 

[RampageSword]

I feel sad! Really sad! As the NYC concert with Unexpect and Dissection is cancelled !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ((((((((((((((((((((

Same here. That event was my big autumn holiday and now I stand in the face of nothingness yet again. Guess I'll have to go see Maiden @ the Bell Centre and Moonspell @ The Medley to compensate.

And buy lots of cds.