chat, feelings, and random discussion thread

[Zack]

^That would be a good smiley

I can't shed much light on this matter since I'm a little young to be giving advice, but I would guess that your ex is going through and extremely tough time and while you must be blunt with her, also give her your sympathy.

 

[solefald]

well I talked to her yesterday after she told me the docs results, and(we are still a good friend and it seems she trusts me a lot) she will keep it silent, so noone has to know it for the next days. Well the bf is still there(and this guy has already a kid with another woman) and doesnt know anything.yet.
I will meet her later this day and lets see how she feels.
but both are so stupid.
and I just realized that its snowing again. damn april weather

this last days are so fucked up.
first some problems with this girl, then my best friend lost his job,
^the other one is pregnant and my best girlfriend who wanted to visit me next week told me that she cant come because the docs found testicle cancer in her boyfriend. damn this guy has my age!
normaly Im the one with a fucked up life but now it seems all hell comes over my friends. sad world

 

[Misanthrope]

Well since this is random chat I might as well join in you dorks, a question for you all: In your opinion, how much can you forgive or what can you forgive before you're just setting yourself for a future disappointment?

Personally until recently I didnt belive people could change, at all, ever. What most people called "change" was some methods of slight self control through denial or something else but never a true change. But now im not so sure, yet im inclined to think im just too forgiving for my own good ( oh and none of you know me in real life so dont give me shit about me being an asshole cause im not )

 

[rahvin]

Well since this is random chat I might as well join in you dorks, a question for you all: In your opinion, how much can you forgive or what can you forgive before you're just setting yourself for a future disappointment?

forgiving can happen without necessarily believing someone can change, or has changed. if you're telling yourself "well, there were reasons why he/she acted so stupid", then i'd say you can pretty much do it your whole life - even about the same person - without risking too much damage to yourself.

the line should be drawn where you realize you're not going to be happy having to deal with someone's behavior, especially in the long run. be it a honest change or a mere question of force of will, if you can't put up with something, well, you can't. there are plenty of situations that you can't really get away from at will, such as insufferable individuals in your professional life, or members of your family, so i think it's important to know when to quit in all the situations where you can quit.

it then depends on how disillusioned (or bitter, or call it what you want) you've become through past experience. if - right now - you feel that you haven't learned enough to get up and walk away when you ought to, try assessing how much pain you can and want to handle. some of us half-consciously remain in the throes of agony because they get a kick out of it, for instance, and others are just not particularly affected when the skies fall on their head. figure out where you stand in the "getting hurt" scale and try to act accordingly. i'm not implying it's easy.

 

[Misanthrope]

Well the thing is I think im a bit defective sentimentally speaking, because I can say I want to put up with alot more but im already feeling like I cant. So ironically, I feel like im a failure for being unable to forgive and forget more reasily even when im sure i want to.

So I cant just quit because my sentiments and morals tell me not to and id never betray my sentiments, but yet something came up at the worst possible time and its taking a considerable toll out of me, so much that I feel more than a little bit overwhelmed.

Its probably nothing important and Im certainly not about to go emo and sing the infamous door's song or anything like that, but It does worry me that im unable to stop thinking im walking right to a huge hole yet im not willing, or even want to, get out of the way.

 

[marduk1507]

( oh and none of you know me in real life so dont give me shit about me being an asshole cause im not )

Well, maybe thats why. I dont know whats behind your inability not to forgive and forget, but Ive always known youre ok and that your forum self is a sort of, say, disguise. Met too many guys like that. My 2 cents would be to really go deep inside yourself and come up with the answer to the question whether you want to go beyond feeling "more than a little bit overwhelmed", regardless of what it might bring, or not. And then doing something about it, pragma is a greek word for action, activity, and pragmatism is sometimes a good solution. Personally, I dont expect to be forgiven, so I usually dont forgive and forget. But it has been acumulating in me way too much lately, so I decided not to give a shit - meaning being present and prepared for whats there for me, but not interfering too much.

 

[Misanthrope]

No you're wrong: my barrier is because im an elitist which is different, this walls come down quickly once I get to know people. Is just that I believe you cant really get to know people by talking on the internet only, if my disguise is blatantly obvious is only a critique on all of your disguises that I know are there but everyone thinks they cleverly hide. Thats how the internet works.

Moving on I have a long history of failed friendships and burnt bridges because of my open disposition once i get to know someone: once you're on my good side im too trusting and things end up in betrayals. Only very special persons get second chances with me but they do exist.

But lately ive had disappointments even from people within that inner circle of people I give second chances two, and while it might not seem totally unreasonable I do worry maybe im hanging on to my close circle a bit too much for my own good.

 

[marduk1507]

How do you treat people whom youve got to know and/or who have become your friends? And what is betrayal in your book?

And yes, internet is definitely not the only or the right place to get to know people. You get ideas and can also spread them very quickly and the disguise option is always way too big.

 

[hyena]

No you're wrong: my barrier is because im an elitist which is different, this walls come down quickly once I get to know people.

sorry, real elitists don't write "this walls".

imbecile.

 

[marduk1507]

You still remember the stupid broad thing, dont you?

 

[hyena]

i had forgotten that particular choice of words, to be honest. but the general feeling of idiocy is hard to erase.

 

[QRV]

So now he'll be coming up with his "grammar is bullshit" argument, and say tr00 elitists do not give a damn about anything people from lombardian descent have to say. Or anyone else, for that matter.

The only Word that counts comes directly from The Lord.

 

[marduk1507]

I honestly cant believe you are taking him seriously when he goes Misanthrope all over everybody. Once you stop doing that, youll be much happier you know. Yeah, his outbursts are quite pitiful, but there is a certain consistency behind them, which I dont see much in here. Its interesting and even illuminative to watch it, if you manage to remain neutral.

 

[QRV]

I agree. Being serious is what neurosis is about.

 

[marduk1507]

Could you be more specific? Im not joking you know.

 

[hyena]

remaining neutral is not the thing for me. i have to win. and i'm pretty sure that in the long run i will, incidentally with a wide margin.

 

[marduk1507]

Youll never win. Sorry, but I remember how you asked rahvin for some moderation and he politely said no. This kind of attitude actually feeds the fire where Misanthrope is at home. Im not saying this to please him (although I bet he likes that we talk about him, at least a bit), but because remaining neutral in this particular case enables me to learn something about myself. And Im afraid Ive never had that feeling from talking to you, because exactly - you want to win - and most of what you say is soaked with it. I dont mean this as an offense, Im just open.

 

[QRV]

Could you be more specific? Im not joking you know.

Neither was I. Say, in general we go neurotic because we tend to exaggerate things a bit too much. Being neurotic means to look for affection in disfunctional manners. Say, we've been disappointed because our mommies and daddies didn't love us or something. That way we see affection as a risk, so we hide inside ourselves and by the way we shut our vision to anything we don't like about ourselves. That way there begins a vicious circle. We search for affection because that's the most natural thing in the world, but since the very foundations of it have been mined inside ourselves, we simply twist it. And, of course, we're full of rage and distrust, so when somebody tries to get close to us, we act in terrible ways and we're always looking to justify our distrust and our twisted vision of things. We develop paranoia. And so when somebody fucks it up with us, we cannot forgive because we're too stupid to comprehend we do the very same things to others as well. Anguish reinforces itself constantly and we become more irritable with every passing second.

So, once we see things a bit more clearly, we develop a healthy sense of humore. We learn to laugh about ourselves and about our anguish, because, really, it is actually too fucking stupid and inecessarly complicated. The world is actually simple, but we twist things because of our overloaded egos.

So that's it. Stupid sermon over.

 

[King Chaos]

@Missy: I often want to forgive and forget, but it's never as easy as all that. If you're gonna be thinking "I didn't make the right choice" or "this person might do it agian" then just don't do it. I assume you have that whole emo "my heart tells me one thing and my mind tells me the other" shit going on, which I get all the time... only sentimental idiots go with their heart.

If you know someone who knows the situation, ask them if they think 'said person' can change. Get a second opinion. And make sure they aren't just telling you what you want to hear.




Well I'm doing peachy. My fucked up mates are all over the place right now. At a party I managed to fuck up my left shoulder (Severe sprain, partial seperation and fractured collarbone (achieved by partying too hard) ) . I can't play guitar below 14th fret now and can only type (comfortably) with one hand. And yeah, at home all lonely, drinking and listening to the wake, rabies Caste, Burnt by the sun and Labrat. Fun.

 

[hyena]

Youll never win.

Unrealistic. Just watch me. I have enough witnesses on this board that know my full name and know me in person to deflect any suspicions of pretending and impersonation - check back in 20 years and let's see where I am and where he is (well, do so now really, but it's not clear-cut enough to suit my taste). I have absolutely-no-doubt about the outcome, assuming that neither of us is involved in some abnormal incident (illness, death, drug abuse, rape and so on). And no, I will not succumb to the very strong temptation to quote Manowar at this point.

edit: about the feeling of learning from people - you mentioned rahvin's coldness where my discussion with misanthrope some months ago was concerned, and maybe he'll be as cold now, but i assure you that if you could talk to any of my friends they would not describe me as someone who is not open to learning. on saturday night i almost got into a fight with two mates who were arguing about whether scientific knowledge was superior to literary knowledge, and i was sort of sponsoring the idea of the renaissance intellectual who is curious about anything. and i know that some really smart people on this forum will scoff this with a shrug of their high and mighty shoulders, but the fact that i'm a published author on international journals might give an impression about the willingness to learn. and don't you dare to comment 'learning academic stuff is different about learning about oneself' - NO it is not. in the worst cases it is, admittedly. but a true commitment to analysis and insight does NOT overlook personal and relational issues.

all of this long tirade had a goal only - i'm not being unaware. i'm just feeling aggressive and i'm entitled to vent it as much as the next guy, idiotic misanthrope included. so don't go holier-than-thou on me. some people are fine with containing some types of emotions, and that's alright. you make your choices in these matters. please let me make mine. i know what mechanisms are at work, seeing how i'm not completely stupid. but i think i can decide to indulge them anytime i want, no matter what people believe.