corrupt-a-wish

[Voice of God]

Granted but "the best" and "metal" in them has been defined by a total jerk-off. You'll get a bunch of Britney.

I wish the book I ordered is in the mailbox when I go there.

 

[Ethereal Sage]

Granted, but you got a number wrong in the code of the book you asked for, hence you got sent the book 'The dummies guide to breathing....the extended version'.

I wish gnomes were real.

 

[gatedropper]

Granted but when the kid next door comes over to mow the lawn , your gnome jumps out in the way and now you have blood all over your lawn.

I wish for more intelligence.

 

[Ethereal Sage]

Granted, but your rate of gaining intelligence is limited to how fast you can open beer bottles which have caps with random trivia questions on them.

I wish ESP abilitites were available in the bottom of cereal boxes.

 

[kill_your_enemies]

Granted, but cereal boxes are now bottomless so that, theoretically, you will never find them.

I wish that elephants were pink and made of chocolate.

 

[Eliogabalus]

Granted, but now everything that was pink and made of chocolate are now elephants.

I wish I had a bag full of tricks so that I could mindfuck many people at once.

 

[kill_your_enemies]

Granted, but your bag full of tricks has become a bag full of man eating chipmunks that slowly chew off your nose.

I wish that my mouse (the computer one) was a real one that wore a cape and did backflips.

 

[Incendiare]

Granted, but it will eventually give you the hanta virus.

I wish I got my finals over with already.

 

[chris-o-fer]

Granted, you did great! (I don't want to jinx your scores!)

I wish winter would go away.

 

[outrageous]

Granted, but you will have to have a cold summer.

I wish that I was pissed at a party right now

 

[Ethereal Sage]

Granted, but you are 'pissed' because the only music being played is Barry Manilow

I wish I had an alcoholic beverage or 10 that wouldn't give me a bad hangover tomorrow

 

[outrageous]

Granted but you have to drink them while in company of hundreds of punk bands and their followers i.e 10 year old girls.

I wish I had SOMETHING to do, or otherwise kill me.

 

[Ethereal Sage]

(That was very evil of you, Sykosami )

Granted, you become a test subject for immortality, stuck in a laboratory.

I wish I had telekinetic ability.

 

[outrageous]

Granted, but I don't know what that is totally so you become a monkey with paranoia.

I wish that I have a faster internet connection.

 

[Ethereal Sage]

(Telekinesis is the ability to move objects using the mind or willpower)

Granted, but it becomes so fast that it downloads the whole internet and your poota shits itself.

I wish life was as colourful as sykosami's sig.

 

[kill_your_enemies]

Granted, but the colours are so bright that your eyes burn and dissolve in your head, leaving nothing but black holes where they once were.

I wish that all chavs would fuck off and live on another planet far far away...

 

[chris-o-fer]

granted, but you are then labeled the 'chav' when they leave.

i wish i had sex 3 times a day

 

[Ethereal Sage]

Granted, but after a short time, it falls off due to over-use, making it harder for you to raise you army of chris-o-fers bent on world domination.

I wish I had a faster net connection

 

[gatedropper]

Granted, but it becomes so fast that it downloads the whole internet and your poota shits itself.


I wish I knew what the fug that means!

 

[Ethereal Sage]

granted, but you don't like the definition of 'that' and subsequently end up in a blubbering heap in the corner.

I wish concert tickets to see good bands were free to the people who truely appreciate the music and are not there just to improve social 'status'.