"I have returned from a long abscence!" <----You? Post HERE!

[|ngenius]

As for |ng, from what he said I have a feeling he's perplexed about his girlfriend, so maybe he doesn't really like her.

Uhm? Did you get that from my words? Really? Well, it's been a while we haven't talked, but I have the strong impression that your speech has become sort of erratic, you leap between subjects for no apparent reason, you reach pretty ventured conclusions, and you seem to random and/or selectively reply to certain arguments, which you're free to do, still it doesn't make your response less erratic.

On the other hand, we "know" each other for some time now, and knowing about the experiences you've explained here about your, let's say, private life, makes all this a strange haze of unexpected thoughts. Reading that you don't consider yourself a risk-taker and remembering some of your posts makes me reckon if you're actually discussing seriously or just letting your fingers run over the keyboard with no interaction with your memories whatsoever.

In any case, let me reply honestly. Yes, I like my girlfriend, and yes, I sometimes feel doubtful about certain things, including my professional future, my family situation and if Nicolas Sarkozy is really willing to marry Carla Bruni, that haunts me because my mind works analytically, and because I believe french politics are now centered in love affairs. Things are this way, now I have to figure out what's the best way to behave. By following your lines, I should stop working, leave my family and forget everything because I'm doomed to failure because of my doubts.

This is probably something you all have heard in american movies, but willing to be with someone means going through shit and still willing to remain. Either because you're in love or because you think you are, but always because you feel it is worth your efforts.

|ng.

 

[Outstreched Fingers]

Uhm? Did you get that from my words? Really? Well, it's been a while we haven't talked, but I have the strong impression that your speech has become sort of erratic, you leap between subjects for no apparent reason, you reach pretty ventured conclusions, and you seem to random and/or selectively reply to certain arguments, which you're free to do, still it doesn't make your response less erratic.

We the spaniards, very polite people...*spanking*

 

[rahvin]

@|ng: Are you being disingenuous? Because I don't want to meddle but I got the impression you were perplexed about her as well, and I don't know whether my being such a risk-taker and most of all such an astonishingly attractive man makes any difference in my perception. You stated that after a year of talking with her you're not sure she's able to give you the kind of answers you're looking for in a partner. I'm almost not paraphrasing here.
I'm not inside the circuit box that's your head, so I don't even want to venture an opinion on whether your saying that here means you're fed up and on the verge of running away with a Russian dominatrix or just venting some superficial annoyance, but it's out there fair and square that what's written down are doubts and perplexity. I don't really know what you should or should not do, but:

This is probably something you all have heard in american movies, but willing to be with someone means going through shit and still willing to remain.

here the point is perhaps you're not that willing to remain. If you are, well, by all means, proceed and be happy.

Sarkozy doesn't really want to marry Carla Bruni, though. I think you should hear this from me instead of him.

 

[|ngenius]

@Rahv: Finally you land here, I'm glad you're taking part of this festival of french politicians and elder squirrels. For a moment I thought you were ignoring all the nonsense I've been throwing in here just to have your attention, but apparently, you've been reading every single word. Good boy.

I don't know, but I think that having doubts and not liking someone might be different things. I like many aspects of you, my old dwarfish friend, but I certainly dislike some others, and it doesn't mean I'm gonna dump you, not stop willing to remain. So, the conclusion was ventured, imo. And going from the general assumption to the particular case, I really like dwarfs... I mean... err... I really like my girlfriend, I assure you, thing is: can our differences make us split up?. Let's hope she doesn't have doubts because I can't pick the colors of the walls so skillfully...

Again... american movies are the truth revealed.

|ng.

P.S: Ahm, and btw, I'm sure you "concur" that hyena's speech above was a little bit erratic, but if someone repeats "concur" one more time, I'm gonna kill Outstretched Fingers... I swear to the Gods!!

 

[Matse]

On the topics of American movies and love:
I watched a pretty good movie "Good Will Hunting" a couple of nights ago. A highly gifted person (Matt Damon) has problems with himself and love and gets helped by a friend (Ben Affleck) and a psychologist (Robin Williams).

 

[|ngenius]

@Matse: I hope you're not implying that Rahvin is Ben Affleck, I am Matt Damon and hyena is Robin Williams.

|ng.

 

[Outstreched Fingers]

but if someone repeats "concur" one more time, I'm gonna kill Outstretched Fingers... I swear to the Gods!!

i cuncur that i was in the same "room" as you on Oct 14, in your own city, you had the chance and and you didnt take it

edit: possibly even the day before...

 

[hyena]

Sarkozy doesn't really want to marry Carla Bruni, though. I think you should hear this from me instead of him.

Own up, you're getting the information from the international secret covenant of green-eyed dwarves.

On this subject, I think you should take advantage of the new class action laws and sue every french journalist who's using the word "nain" or "nabot" to insult the president! the habit is at risk of degenerating into proper discrimination and it will not be one month before everyone on this board starts to object to "being ruled by a dwarf" too. While not a dwarf myself, and unfortunately not green-eyed either, I am ready to stand by your campaign anytime. We will push to make songs such as Enrico Ruggeri's "Nino no" illegal, before somebody changes the words to protest against your authority.

Ehm.

@|ng: That above was an example of erratic discourse. As for the rest, there are few things in the world that I hate more than the pervasive culture of doubt that appears to block every single decision in this bloody pile of moral debris that we now have instead of Europe. What makes it worse is that apparently young people are the worst of all. Of course most events are merely probable, but this doesn't mean that one should be paralyzed. Most people mistake determination for rashness (worse yet, superficiality) and on this note I will tell you that I am not going to change my mind on this so have a nice life.

Edit: I'm certainly not Robin Williams.

 

[rahvin]

For a moment I thought you were ignoring all the nonsense I've been throwing in here just to have your attention, but apparently, you've been reading every single word. Good boy.

But no, I'm not ignoring your predicament. I'm assuming you can sort things out by yourself. Paradoxically, if you felt you really were in a pickle you wouldn't just post it in a "let's catch up with my life" message on this board. After all these years I think by now you're among those who know that when things get really problematic it's better to withdraw from compulsive posting and deal with everyday life.

I don't know, but I think that having doubts and not liking someone might be different things.

Doubts = you're not sure you want to be with someone = you have mixed feelings about someone = you don't completely like someone.

thing is: can our differences make us split up?.

Yes, that's probably the thing. If they can, why would you say it happens? Twist of fate? Hand from above? Because I'd say that if you eventually decide to part it means there were things you didn't like about each other. Right now you're not sure the things you don't like about her are (a) based on reality; (b) enough to make you want to leave. I don't think there's anything dramatic in admitting to that, and as far as my two pesetas go, I'd say one year is a fairly long time to be uncertain.

the colors of the walls

What a wonderfully post-modern turn of phrase.
That aside, I'm not exceptionally fond of debating male/female stereotypes either. I'll admit I prefer "feminine" girls, with the ability to select appropriate clothes for me, and I apologize if this enforces sexism in any way. If it helps, I can iron shirts better than I can fix cars, and I'm in favor of some healthy turn-taking at washing the dishes. The thing is, a lot of people of either sex seem to be very fond of the things that are traditionally their gender's domain and my feelings about it are not strong enough to will them to change their mind, or the mind of future generations. Hyena's right about the "way of thinking" bit, anyway: that's just stupid and somebody's inclinations shouldn't be so strictly categorized nor closely monitored. I don't know what your girlfriend does and doesn't understand, but individuals connect regardless of gender based on their intelligence as a whole. Communication is not supposed to be an assembly line where I do the rational bit and you sprinkle it with pixy dust while my aged grandmother adds some wisdom of yore.

P.S: Ahm, and btw, I'm sure you "concur" that hyena's speech above was a little bit erratic, but if someone repeats "concur" one more time, I'm gonna kill Outstretched Fingers... I swear to the Gods!!

Not just for the sake of our Italian newbie, I'm afraid I'll have to disagree. hyena was replying to marduk, they were not talking solely about your case.

On this subject, I think you should take advantage of the new class action laws and sue every french journalist who's using the word "nain" or "nabot" to insult the president! the habit is at risk of degenerating into proper discrimination and it will not be one month before everyone on this board starts to object to "being ruled by a dwarf" too.

My... category survived our infamously vertically-challenged Italian Prime Minister, so I don't expect much of an uprise after all.

 

[Matse]

I wasn't implying that anyone has anything in common with those actors I mentioned. It just has the similar problem of an intelligent boy not knowing what to do regarding his life and his love.
The problem of Matt Damon in that movie is a little bit different anyways since he only has a problem with himself. His girl is perfectly fine. I don't know with whom the problems in our case here lie since I don't know them personally.

 

[|ngenius]

@Rahve: You're right all along the way, except for the fact that even a messed up relationship has not direct link to not liking your partner. You can love your partners and still have an unbearable life with them. Do you concur? This could be my case, even if you don't.

You're not a dumb dwarf, so you also know that people don't like entirely other people, you like certain things, you dislike some others. Did you deliberately miss this point in order to settle down your statements? Oh, you, rascal boy...

At this point, and to please you, I admit that I don't know if my life with my girlfrind will be possible, I admit that I like her in several aspects, and I admit that I don't want to split up, even if in some future I'm forced to.

You knew all this, and still you played for the sake of the challenge and true devotion for semantics. You are intelligent and capable of hitting the ball out of the fucking stadium, and there was a time where you considered me at a respectable level, I liked that. Now, we can stop and play games for a while if you like, but that's changing first division for some neighborhood league for handicapables.

@hyena: I concur that you certainly resemble Robin Williams when you turn your head to the west.

|ng.

 

[rahvin]

@Rahve: You're right all along the way, except for the fact that even having a messed up relationship has not direct link to not liking your partner. You can love your partners and still have an unbearable life with them. Do you concur?

Yes and no. You'll accuse me again of talking semantics, but I have to split the hair, if only because I think you're using the unsplit hair to feed the confusion.
I may have an unbearable life with someone for reasons that are outside that person's control, such as long distance, a terminal disease, a sudden lack of Dark Tranquillity shows. You love them and yet the situation is impossible and sometimes you may want to leave, and even end up doing it.
Then you may have an unbearable life with someone because they're completely insufferable and do/think something that irritates you to no end. In this case, even though you may contend that you still love them for undisclosed reason, I find it harder to believe that you'll just settle for the unbearable, sit down and have a smoke. It seems likelier that you'll split, thus ending the relationship first and the affectionate feelings, inevitably, second.

You're not a dumb dwarf, so you also know that people don't like entirely other people, you like certain things, you dislike some others. Did you deliberately miss this point in order to settle down your statements? Oh, you, rascal boy...

We're running in circles with this argument of "entirely" vs. "enough". I know everything you're assuming I know, and you know everything I'm assuming you know, I'm sure. Hyena saying that maybe you don't really like her didn't refer to your opinion of the shape and length of her nose, much in the same way you saying you have doubts about her didn't refer to uncertainties over which color of scarf to get her for Christmas.
What we're all - you included - talking about is conflict over whether she's a satisfying partner for you or not. I take it for granted that you like a thousand and two things about her, but maybe you still don't know whether the ones you don't like are actual dealbreakers.

At this point, and to please you, I admit that I don't know if my life with my girlfrind will be possible, I admit that I like her in several aspects, and I admit that I don't want to split up, even if in some future I'm forced to.

It pleases me very little to have you admitting of anything but two things: 1. your ceaseless lust for my naked body; 2. that, considering what you posted originally, it's legitimate for someone to assume you're in two minds about your girlfriend. I didn't get involve in the argument because I think you're in denial of some major truth about your relationship that I can offer to you on a plate, nor because I'm convinced you need to take action. I commented on it because you seemed surprised hyena interpreted your words as signs of perplexity. I wanted to corroborate her interpretation: you sounded perplexed, which is reason enough to assume maybe you don't like your girlfriend enough. It wasn't such a big leap of logic, anyway.

You knew all this, and still you played for the sake of the challenge and true devotion for semantics.

I played for the sake of everyone understanding what the others are saying, and specifically for the sake of you acknowledging the difference between hyena's comment and someone suggesting you "dump the bitch". That's not semantics, it's a real difference.

there was a time where you considered me at a respectable level, I liked that.

Well, if you checked my recent post history you'd see I don't really jump in to give relationship advice any longer. If I did this time it's because I know you're not Mr. Forum User #2885 and I'm not exactly re-typing messages that ceased to be up to date in the late nineties.

 

[|ngenius]

Well, it relieves me to know that after some years knowing each other, there's some mutual respect. I thought that I lost my privileges in this realm and I wasn't your little prince anymore. It is also relieving to see decrease your dose of irony in order to clarify your position, it reforces the sensation of being respected.

Well, then let's say that we don't know for sure if our differences are real dealbreakers, after all. I fear they will be, but I want to put my effort on finding that out, perhaps to end up parting ways, perhaps marrying Robin Williams, although I consider the latter rather improbable. But from this, it's enough for me to know that I don't want to split up, nor my relationship is unbearable up till I know.

If hyena meant that there's some parts I don't like and that potentially might result on separation, I lost the argument between the stereotypes subject and the little reference to your high school girlfriends (in response not specifically to marduk, nor to me... but illustrating nonetheless).

However, we're alone in this and i'm scared...


|ng.

 

[hyena]

If hyena meant that there's some parts I don't like and that potentially might result on separation, I lost the argument between the stereotypes subject and the little reference to your high school girlfriends (in response not specifically to marduk, nor to me... but illustrating nonetheless).

HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

Want a clear argument? I will say it in short phrases so everyone understands:

I PERSONALLY BELIEVE THAT ONE SHOULD NOT CONDUCT SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH ANOTHER PERSON WHEN THE TERMS OF MUTUAL COMMITMENT ARE NOT CLEAR. IT IS WEAK AND HYPOCRITICAL.

Let me rephrase so that I don't pass off as Torquemada:

MY OPINION IS THAT IT'S OK TO HAVE ANY SORT OF INTERACTION, SEXUAL OR OTHERWISE, PROVIDED EVERYBODY INVOLVED IS ON THE SAME PAGE.

Clarification:

IF THIS WOMAN IS ASSUMING THAT SHE WILL BE WITH YOU FOREVER AND YOU ARE HARBORING DOUBTS YOU SHOULD TELL THAT VERY CLEARLY TO HER.

Expostulation:

IF SHE IS AS IN LOVE AS YOU SAY SHE IS, SHE MIGHT PRETEND SHE DIDN'T HEAR WHAT YOU SAID. WISHFUL THINKING IS VERY POWERFUL. THIS DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO CONTINUE ANY BEHAVIOR AMOUNTING TO FREE-RIDING ON HER EMOTIONS.

Detail:

THE FREE-RIDING DOES NOT REFER TO SEX ONLY. THE MOST DISGUSTING PART IS THE FREE COMFORT ONE GETS FROM BEING WITH SOMEONE WHO LOVES UNCONDITIONALLY. I HAVE FUCKING SAID THIS BEFORE.

Finale:

IF YOU'RE TOO SCARED TO COMMIT LET THE POOR GIRL FREE TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHO WILL LOVE HER AS YOU SAY SHE LOVES YOU.

 

[|ngenius]

@Rahvin: Maybe I misunderstood something but I think that in here we're surpassed assumptions and stumbled into wide venturing. Ride on.

@hyena: Convincing. Just a footnote, I DO talk to my partner, and I hope we're close to a mutual understanding, nothing to do with sex. Thank you.

|ng.

Edit: I think she said "dump the bitch", Rahve, did she? Did she?

 

[rahvin]

To be honest, I think |ng is quite committed to this relationship, it just seems to me - and probably to hyena as well - that after one year together you should have come to terms one way or the other with the kind of response she's going to give you, intellectually and/or emotionally. If you find said response lacking, doubts remaining and a sense of dissatisfaction persisting, then "dump the", err, "precious little flower" (why should we malign this girl in any way, I don't know) is a good choice not to lead her on. If not, like I said, it's all smooth sailing.

 

[|ngenius]

@Rahve: A fine response combining both style and diplomacy, which serves to many sides. You're good, boy, if I ever stop wandering the place, I'm gonna miss you. Really.

|ng.

 

[rahvin]

@Rahve: A fine response combining both style and diplomacy, which serves to many sides. You're good, boy, if I ever stop wandering the place, I'm gonna miss you. Really.

I do try to be diplomatic in this case, yes. It's mostly because I feel I don't have much more to base my opinion on than those lines in your first post on the subject, combined with very little data (such as how long you've been together and my knowing how old are you and stuff). At the same time, I can see why hyena's annoyed at having to spell some things out repeatedly: if I were in her shoes I would have cut to the chase even more and simply told you "Whatever you do, don't lead that girl on, there's a good lad".

 

[|ngenius]

if I were in her shoes I would have cut to the chase even more and simply told you "Whatever you do, don't lead that girl on, there's a good lad".

Or you could have turned the subject into "how culturally damaging is the figure of the macho man in our society" . Ok, I drop it. :Smug:

|ng.

 

[hyena]

Or you could have turned the subject into "how culturally damaging is the figure of the macho man in our society" . Ok, I drop it. :Smug:

|ng.

yes, because one should never tackle different subjects at the same time. it confuses the readers!

from now on, i will stick to commenting on one thing at a time only, and limit the use of words with more than five letters.

did not apply to what was said above but will from now on, in the int... ehm, no, for the sake of all people who read this forum, male and not. see how i kept my word. this is a good exer... oh DAMN, not again. this is a nice way to train for when my name will be in the polls. rahve, please check what i write and tell me if i go wrong. thank you.