Scene: [shot in black and white, a man groans and fumbles with his buzzing alarm. It falls to the floor and bursts into flames, which soon engulf the room]
Announcer: Tired of the same old annoying alarm clocks that cause pain, misery and death?
[Same room, now in color. The man's bed has a 5 foot tall speaker on each side]
Announcer: Wake up the natural, Swedish way with...
["Master's Apprentice" blasts from the speakers at approximately 160 decibels. The man yawns serenely as cryon comes up along the bottom of the screen]
Announcer: The new Opeth brand "Wake Up, Sleepyhead" system! Just set the time...
[The man sets it for 5:30 AM]
Announcer: Set the volume...
[A switch with 4 settings: Brutal, Extra Brutal, Bloody Eardrum Special, and Infant/Toddler]
Announcer: And you're on your way to a better, healthier tomorrow! Science has proven a relationship between Scandinavian death metal and a peaceful transition from sleep. Why not wake up with Opeth?
Scene: [A groggy woman shuffles into her kitchen while "Bleak" pounds behind her. Michael is in the kitchen making waffles for her]
Mikael: Extra fluffy, just the way you like!
[He smiles, and a sparkle flashes from his teeth]
Announcer: Don't delay, order yours today!
[We see a crib with a newborn in it, a speaker next to its head. "By The Pain I See In Others" starts up, and it cuts to the ordering information at the 17 second mark]
Announcer: Tired of the same old annoying alarm clocks that cause pain, misery and death?
[Same room, now in color. The man's bed has a 5 foot tall speaker on each side]
Announcer: Wake up the natural, Swedish way with...
["Master's Apprentice" blasts from the speakers at approximately 160 decibels. The man yawns serenely as cryon comes up along the bottom of the screen]
Announcer: The new Opeth brand "Wake Up, Sleepyhead" system! Just set the time...
[The man sets it for 5:30 AM]
Announcer: Set the volume...
[A switch with 4 settings: Brutal, Extra Brutal, Bloody Eardrum Special, and Infant/Toddler]
Announcer: And you're on your way to a better, healthier tomorrow! Science has proven a relationship between Scandinavian death metal and a peaceful transition from sleep. Why not wake up with Opeth?
Scene: [A groggy woman shuffles into her kitchen while "Bleak" pounds behind her. Michael is in the kitchen making waffles for her]
Mikael: Extra fluffy, just the way you like!
[He smiles, and a sparkle flashes from his teeth]
Announcer: Don't delay, order yours today!
[We see a crib with a newborn in it, a speaker next to its head. "By The Pain I See In Others" starts up, and it cuts to the ordering information at the 17 second mark]
oh man, that was hilarious....it's 3 a.m., and Opeth do in fact wake me up most mornings......real alarm clocks are the devil......well okay, this morning it was At the Gates 
