Lyrics. English questions.

[Jevil]

Yes, I could write my lyrics in spanish or basque, and I do it in other bands. But for Soulitude I like to write in english.

I think it would be a nice idea to open a thread for people like me that wants to write in english but often we have questions.


This time I would like to know if it is right to say "clean the earth from virus"
The context is about an alien that clean (or clean up?) planets from virus like us, the humans.

 

[Deus.exe]

clean the earth from (THE or A) virus

 

[Jevil]

And if it is plural?

 

[53Crëw]

Rid the Earth of the virus.

Rid Earth of the virus.

or

Rid the Earth of virus.

If you say "clean", technically it should be reordered to:

Clean the virus from the Earth.

or

Clean viruses from the Earth.

since the virus is being removed from Earth, not Earth removed from the virus.

 

[Jevil]

Rid the Earth of virus.

So I guess it is right to say "Rid the Earth of human virus".
It must be 8 syllables.

 

[53Crëw]

It would be OK. But to me, that could imply the virus affects humans. If you want to imply that the humans are the virus being eliminated, it might be better to say something like:

Rid the Earth of its human virus.

Or if you want to describe the actions of the alien:

Ridding Earth of the/its human virus.

Not eight syllables, though.

 

[vespiz]

"Rid the Earth of the human virus" should be sufficient.

 

[Jevil]

Finally the strophe would be:

Carrying out the disinfection
Through the galaxies
Rid the Earth of human virus
Mission to complete

Does it makes sense for you?

 

[Keregioz]

I approve this thread! I always have problems when writing lyrics...it should be stickied..

Anyway...here's mine...does this make sense? :

"I have foreseen your ending come"

It's from a song a friend of mine is writing lyrics for and it's based on the final destination movie. Basically it's about a guy that can foresee other people's death.

 

[J.DavisNJ]

You can also use "cleanse..." perhaps?

-Joe

 

[Jind]

^^

Cleanse the earth of the human virus

or

Cleanse the earth of it's human virus

 

[vespiz]

I approve this thread! I always have problems when writing lyrics...it should be stickied..

Anyway...here's mine...does this make sense? :

"I have foreseen your ending come"

It's from a song a friend of mine is writing lyrics for and it's based on the final destination movie. Basically it's about a guy that can foresee other people's death.

Depending on what you want to say and emphasize, you could try:
"I have foreseen; your ending comes"
"I have foreseen your end to come"

 

[Keregioz]

Depending on what you want to say and emphasize, you could try:
"I have foreseen; your ending comes"
"I have foreseen your end to come"

So the original is not right?

 

[Moonlight_Seeker]

Carrying out the disinfection
Through the galaxy ( I don't believe you saw more then one )
Cleanse the Earth of humanity
We shall reach completion ( dunno )

Me likes it when it rhymes.

I have foreseen; your ending comes

This I think could work because I heard a couple of bands sing : to my kingdom come... or come right after kingdom, for some reason. Anyways...
"I have foreseen your ending coming" is probably more in a familiar way of talking. Is that what you want? Dunno.

 

[vespiz]

So the original is not right?

Could be, but it sounds a little.. clunky to me

Single lines taken out of context are hard to "correct" ...

 

[Keregioz]

"I have foreseen your ending coming" is probably more in a familiar way of talking. Is that what you want? Dunno.

Yes, that's the meaning of the specific line...but "coming" won't fit in the vocal melody that's why we replaced it with "come".... but I think it doesn't sound right. Can someone say for sure if it's a wrong expression?

Here's the whole verse if it helps...

I have foreseen your ending come
Your last play in life will stay undone
No way to escape the incised path
An inevitable outcome

 

[Moonlight_Seeker]

I have foreseen your ending come
Your last play in life will stay undone
No way to escape the incised path
An inevitable outcome

Well, outcome pretty much comes from come. So I might still go with "coming" and then find a word ending in "ing" instead of outcome, and there are many English words ending with "ing".... an inevitable suffering, pronounced suf'ring.

I also think that if you're screaming your lungs out vocally, the difference between 8 and 9 syllables, for example, does not really matter, just choose the right syllable to destroy.

 

[Keregioz]

I have foreseen your ending come
Your last play in life will stay undone
No way to escape the incised path
An inevitable outcome

Well, outcome pretty much comes from come. So I might still go with "coming" and then find a word ending in "ing" instead of outcome, and there are many English words ending with "ing".... an inevitable suffering, pronounced suf'ring.

I also think that if you're screaming your lungs out vocally, the difference between 8 and 9 syllables, for example, does not really matter, just choose the right syllable to destroy.

Actually there's no need for the first line to rhyme with the last but with the second (undone).... The problem is the number of syllables and since the specific part is a very melodic chorus one more syllable does matter. I'll have to change the melody if I want to say "coming".

 

[Moonlight_Seeker]

Then why not : I have seen your end coming

But ya know, art is art. But let's replace "ending" by... vomiting... I have seen your vomiting come or I have seen your vomiting coming? I think I have seen your vomit coming would be the most "traditional" way of saying it... in North America... but I honestly have more "trouble" with the 2 come in one paragraph. Why not replace the last sentence by "destined to fuckin diiiiiiiiie!" hehe sorry. Or "inevitable destiny" or whatever.

 

[Keregioz]

The reasoning behind "come" is that the "guy" has seen the ending happen he is not saying he has seen that it will come...I don't know if I'm making sense right now....and I still don't know if the original line is right or wrong....fuck! I'm confused :zombie:.