Me cooking goulash for the first time LIVE

[Onder]

Ladies and gentlemen.

My mommy brought me some meat yesterday, some of it is miss piggie but most is manly cow IIRC, so I have to do it today. Today I will pass the most complicated manhood test. Yes, I have already inserted my ding dong to the ping pong and I smoked a whole cigar like a my pals detective. (I don't consider driving cars a manhood proof tbh so that's pretty much it).

My bald friend told me yesterday in the pub that my girl left me because she evolved and she doesn't need a boy like me anymore. Now it's time for MEN. MEN FOR LIFE BRO. No romantic shitting, just fucking onions, meat and fucking dumplings. And when she's back beggin to even see my dick I will say "no babe this meat needs a better place, two animals suffered to feed this monster and now you poor polish-czech hybrid try to summon it's powers again but it's too late for you babe".

"Come back after you cross seven seas of painful self-reflexion and formulate an apology deep enough to consume the godly food of your MAN. Then the beast will approve."

I will start in 3 or 4 hours which is 10-11 pm of my time which is GMT +1 I think. Stay tuned for the FESTIVAL OF TASTE.

(Also it's very possible that I will fuck it up and that's the comedy).

Not that this is very interesting, but fuck you, you don't deserve better.

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

 

[Satanstoenail]

I was hoping for a live feed./badpun

 

[King Richard]

I was hoping for a live feed./badpun

Oh you!

 

[Onder]

Good job for lightening up the spectators! They are sure already awaiting first visuals of the show that starts in about two hours! And I don't want to spoil anything, but oh-my-god the onions are so perfect. So round and harder than my cock. And all four look exactly the same. I have never seen this level of perfection on this vegetable.

Pictures coming soon. It would be awkward if my mommy caught me taking pictures of onions so we have to wait for a while.

MANHOOD AWAITS.

 

[Onder]

Have you ever seen anything close to this (onion-wise)?

 

[Onder]

Sometimes I cut the flesh and worship satan.

And sometimes I cry like a little baby.

But it's manly tears. It's tears for satan.

 

[Onder]

Alright the onion is suffering:

It has suffered:

This is fucking cooking for lucifer and beelzebub:

This will soon be dumplings:

 

[Onder]

I just modelled my dumplings into a shape of some thick my pals dick.

But white. Just big.

The three penises are now being tortured in boiling water.

 

[Onder]

They maintain their girth. But once they are ready to be cut up into shitty little pieces, they swim out of the fucking squirtwater.

 

[Onder]

I'm opening my second and last beer and waiting for the food to be done. Most of my work is finished.

 

[arg]

hahah that looks fucking good man, i want some in my mouth right now!

 

[SentinelSlain]

I actually want to know how to do the kind of dumplings I had with goulash and whatever the English spelling of Svíčková is. I tried, with help from mum, to make goulash once, after coming back, but predictably, mother didn't put enough paprika in and put shitty vegetables in, turning it into the kind of shitty, watery English stew she knows and understands.

 

[Onder]

And I say thanks for the feedback DOODZORS.

hahah that looks fucking good man, i want some in my mouth right now!

You always want some in your mouth man.

I actually want to know how to do the kind of dumplings I had with goulash and whatever the English spelling of Svíčková is. I tried, with help from mum, to make goulash once, after coming back, but predictably, mother didn't put enough paprika in and put shitty vegetables in, turning it into the kind of shitty, watery English stew she knows and understands.

Don't let your mother decide important things. Vegetables don't have any place in goulash. It's a meat thing. (If I don't count onion, obviously).

This is my life in final dumpling form:

This is my life in final goulash form:

 

[Onder]

HOW TO EAT GOULASH?

DON'T BE A FUCKING FAGGOT.

 

[Satanstoenail]

A mighty effort. I want some. What else is in there besides onion and meat and purest satanic evil?

 

[unknown]

thread of the year

 

[SentinelSlain]

A mighty effort. I want some. What else is in there besides onion and meat and purest satanic evil?

Paprika and sour cream.

 

[Onder]

^ Sour cream belongs to Segedín (it's technically goulash too, just a bit more easternish). It contains loads of cabbage too.

EDIT: BTW the duplings on that google search segedín pictures are bread dumplings, mine are potato dumplings.

 

[Saparmurat_Niyazov]

That looks delicious.

 

[SentinelSlain]

Onder can post some actual ingredients lists / recipes? because the ones in English language cookery books tend to be shit.