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I remember Monoxide Child. I did not miss Monoxide Child.
Btw, SatansToeNail, the other day I was at my favorite local used CD store and they had a Car Bomb cd (Centralia) in the bargain bin and I bought it entirely based on your praise of said band and so far it's kind of shit. Just saying.
Btw, SatansToeNail, the other day I was at my favorite local used CD store and they had a Car Bomb cd (Centralia) in the bargain bin and I bought it entirely based on your praise of said band and so far it's kind of shit. Just saying.
Satanstoenail
My Larpstyle determines my Derpstyle
Don't you like power metal and shit? Why would you buy something based on my recommendation?
Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
So after a couple weeks where I thought I was beginning to work my way out of this hell, over the past week I've lapsed back into an utter abyss of depression, anxiety and cognitive shut-down. I went from antidepressants that were turning me into a zombie to taking ADHD stimulants that made my anxiety skyrocket. And without either I'm just a complete wreck, barely functional, sometimes almost catatonic. It's gotten so bad that I'm having constant headaches and any form of informational input is extremely agitating. Distracting myself from feeding this utter despair is almost painful. Typing this is painful. I barely even have thoughts now, and when I do have they are fleeting and shallow and they come and go as if I never thought them at all. It's painful to be conscious right now.
I exercise every day, I eat well, and I have goals. But it's becoming increasingly difficult. I'm starved for energy and feel like a lump of dead matter.
I exercise every day, I eat well, and I have goals. But it's becoming increasingly difficult. I'm starved for energy and feel like a lump of dead matter.
ASD
observing the sabbath
I still think you might be fretting about your condition perhaps too much. Obviously I don't know the full situation, but again, the stuff you've written on your blog is of the same quality from before you started feeling this way. Perhaps if you were to be more positive in your outlook, you'd be less anxious about it.
monoxide_child
New Metal Member
- Jul 30, 2008
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I like pretty much everything. I remember you as having good taste in thrash and the CD was $2.50.
I was pretty trashed last night.
Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
Blog posts result from when I have some moments of lucidity (most recent one was from Thursday before things really nosedived), though they are the product mostly of streams of consciousness and the ones from the past certainly contain more depth and deliberation.
I gave in to temptation and popped one of the Xanax's that my father left me, and it calmed me down a lot, to the point where I actually could do some reading and enjoy it. But I'm really apprehensive about benzo's, since long-term use apparently correlates to cognitive deficits. Still, when anxiety is so bad that my brain implodes, that alternative could be the lesser evil.
This whole thing goes in booms and busts, I suppose, and I need more patience to weather the storms instead of thinking I'm permanently fucked.
monoxide_child
New Metal Member
- Jul 30, 2008
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my mom was on Xanax my entire life
if you take it several times a day, every day of the year...
then, yeah, you have a "drug problem",
but if you're having panic attacks or something where the Xanax is actually helping you
then you should just go ahead and use the pills when you feel like you need them
the thing you want to avoid is having a schedule, like "taking a pill every day with lunch" or something like that
just take a pill when you feel like ripping someones head of and you'll be fine
PhlegethonVeins
Autopsy Obsessed
Potentially the worst advice you've given on here thus far...and that's saying a lot.
zabu of nΩd
Free Insultation
- Feb 9, 2007
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monoxide_child
New Metal Member
- Jul 30, 2008
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PhlegethonVeins
Autopsy Obsessed
So are you living off the street yet, or is there intermittent nights in the alley way between hand me offs of your states tax dollars?
Furthermore, have you looked into using the majority of your income towards improving your taste in women by having private coaching with King Richard yet? I have a feeling you would be a far superior person all around if you did.
monoxide_child
New Metal Member
- Jul 30, 2008
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i'm splitting rent on a place that's so expensive that i wouldn't be able to pay for it by myself
and the King Richard joke is getting a little old
PhlegethonVeins
Autopsy Obsessed
monoxide_child
New Metal Member
- Jul 30, 2008
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my disability check is $668 a month
also went to foodstamp office a few weeks ago and i got foodstamps till august 2015
PhlegethonVeins
Autopsy Obsessed
-CC-
Something in My Eye
- Jan 12, 2009
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So, last January I moved out of LA and back to Europe since I got hired as a student air traffic controller in what is known as the busiest sector in the world. They've sent me to all kinds of training camps around Europe teaching theory, flying, etc. Finally, for the past 3 months I've been in Luxembourg doing 40 hours a week of tough-as-shit simulator training, dealing with every situation imaginable, from radar failure to planes getting hijacked.
Well, on Monday I got terminated because I was simply behind the course, and they believed I would not be able to catch up. The learning curve was simply too steep for me.
The job was absolutely lovely I must say, or at least the simulator. I was giddy everytime I walked in there, but of course whenever things went south it was quite horrible. The stress level is so incredibly high in this career, even though it's near impossible to make planes crash into each other.
Problem is, now what the fuck am I going to do? I'm currently sheltering at my mothers house in Switzerland and trying to replan my life. Maybe I'll move back to LA and restart my lustrous career as a warehouse employee
Well, on Monday I got terminated because I was simply behind the course, and they believed I would not be able to catch up. The learning curve was simply too steep for me.
The job was absolutely lovely I must say, or at least the simulator. I was giddy everytime I walked in there, but of course whenever things went south it was quite horrible. The stress level is so incredibly high in this career, even though it's near impossible to make planes crash into each other.
Problem is, now what the fuck am I going to do? I'm currently sheltering at my mothers house in Switzerland and trying to replan my life. Maybe I'll move back to LA and restart my lustrous career as a warehouse employee
Death Aflame
voice of dissent
- Feb 1, 2004
- 2,504
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So after a year of working at the same place and getting screwed out of a raise when I was promoted/moved to a new role previously, I am now finally on payroll (not on contract), with a raise, and benefits.
It's still not a whole lot ($30k including the benefits package) but it is moving up in the world, if only slightly (I am 26, and have been out of school for just over a year now).
This job though, I don't know. There are so many different projects I need to keep tabs on, yet the company is completely disorganized. I'm the type of person that needs some structure and the expectations about what I'm to accomplish need to be clear. I hate being micromanaged, but I've also learned that it's tough for me to flourish under completely chaotic conditions where expectations change/projects change almost every week.
I'm also questioning my career choice in publishing. It's an exciting time what with the rise of ebooks, but that hasn't translated into an innately satisfying job. I love books, but the job (and most of the jobs in the industry beside those few editorial jobs) just ends up being a dull office affair. </eeyore>
It's still not a whole lot ($30k including the benefits package) but it is moving up in the world, if only slightly (I am 26, and have been out of school for just over a year now).
This job though, I don't know. There are so many different projects I need to keep tabs on, yet the company is completely disorganized. I'm the type of person that needs some structure and the expectations about what I'm to accomplish need to be clear. I hate being micromanaged, but I've also learned that it's tough for me to flourish under completely chaotic conditions where expectations change/projects change almost every week.
I'm also questioning my career choice in publishing. It's an exciting time what with the rise of ebooks, but that hasn't translated into an innately satisfying job. I love books, but the job (and most of the jobs in the industry beside those few editorial jobs) just ends up being a dull office affair. </eeyore>
