The best jokes..

What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.

Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them.

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.

What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A hostage.

Who makes bras for brunettes?
Fisher-Price.
 
^:lol:

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work,
plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts."
The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes
later, he says,
"Get me another beer before it starts."
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams
it down next to him.
He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says,
"Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute."
The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to
do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV?
You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore . . ."
The man sighs and says, "It's started....
 
sykosami said:
Hahaha best joke I heard since my brunette ones
Click to expand...
hehehe :kickass:

Here's another cool one:

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard
his
son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta
ta,
Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was
glad
his son was praying. The next morning, they found
Grandpa
dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father
reassured
himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still
a bit
spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God
bless
Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until
morning.
Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the
floor, dead
of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside
his
son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy
started
to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up
all
night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to
make
sure his health was fine. When he finally came home,
his wife
was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're
here --
we could really use your help! We found the milkman
dead on
our porch this morning!"
 
I don't know about you guys, but ................. I'm up for some more dead baby jokes!! :D
 
A young man goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist: "Hello, could you give me a condom. My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me!" The pharmacist gives him the condom; and as the young man is going out, he returns and tells him: "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think she expects something from me too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom; and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says: After all, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes allusions... and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting something from me!!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mom facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying: "Dear Lord, bless this dinner...thank you for all you give us...!!!" A minute later the boy is still praying: "Thank you Lord for your kindness..."Ten minutes go on and the boy is Still praying, keeping his head down. The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend even more than the others. She gets close to the boy and tells him in his ear: "I didn't know you were so religious!!!" The boy replies: "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!!!"
 
here is another one

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?"

"Yeah, that's me..." said Arthur.

"Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention."

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!

"Hmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "Hold on."

God went to his Celestial super-computer, typed in a few words, and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours!"
 
A five-year-old comes crying to his mommy because his little sister pulled his hair.

"Don't be angry," the mother says, "Your baby sister doesn't know that pulling hair hurts."

A short while later, there's more crying, and so, Mom goes to investigate.

This time baby sister is bawling and her brother says, "It's OK, Mom... She knows now."
 
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