Fine, I took what it recommended then stuck textures and shadows on full. I haven't turned up the "oscilliation" or whatever the fuck it was called but I don't afraid so I'll try cranking it next time.
How low can the settings go on that game? May seem like an odd question but while I'm at Uni I've only got my laptop so my overall performance is pretty limited.
	
	
 Pretty sure you're not allergic to stupidity, since that was the dumbest line I've read on the internet in months. If you're going to impose an allergy upon yourself, try making it apply to chocolate or something... your gut is fucking inexcusable.