The Whining and Bitching Thread
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Srontgorrth
Member
Hopefully she'll come to her senses or something :/ what exactly is going on?
Mort Divine
Shrine Maiden of the In-Crowd
V.V.V.V.V.
Houses Ov Mercury
My girlfriend is a sufferer of severe emotional trauma, so the relationship is very difficult. Obviously you guys don't hear about the good parts because when we're having fun we're too busy having fun and doing stuff for me to post about it. 
She just keeps pushing me away and I know it's just a defense mechanism to deal with her distress, but it's hurtful to me.
Example: All weekend we've been discussing what we're gonna do when we hang out tomorrow. We were talking about it fine and we were pretty psyched. Then about 10 minutes later, out of nowhere, she texted me something like "i'm not coming tomorrow. i'm really unhappy." Now I know this probably isn't true, it is likely just a manifestation of her current state of mind and it'll blow over, because it usually does (yes this kind of thing happens fairly often; welcome to my world); in the morning she will probably apologize and feel really bad for what she'd said, and she'll come over and it'll be fine. But there is clearly a deeper problem, and she's already in therapy and everything and supposedly I help too, but it's hard to take the person telling me I help seriously when 5 seconds afterwards she could be telling me she is completely unhappy and hates herself.
It sucks. And I'm not giving up on her. I know I sound stubborn, but she deserves someone like me. Her entire life she's never been able to trust anyone, and I know she trusts me and loves me, but sometimes she hurts me pretty goddamned bad and I can't just brush it off because I spend 100% of my time showing her that I care and love her and to have it all deconstructed in an instant by something she probably doesn't even mean...well, it's not fun.
She just keeps pushing me away and I know it's just a defense mechanism to deal with her distress, but it's hurtful to me.
Example: All weekend we've been discussing what we're gonna do when we hang out tomorrow. We were talking about it fine and we were pretty psyched. Then about 10 minutes later, out of nowhere, she texted me something like "i'm not coming tomorrow. i'm really unhappy." Now I know this probably isn't true, it is likely just a manifestation of her current state of mind and it'll blow over, because it usually does (yes this kind of thing happens fairly often; welcome to my world); in the morning she will probably apologize and feel really bad for what she'd said, and she'll come over and it'll be fine. But there is clearly a deeper problem, and she's already in therapy and everything and supposedly I help too, but it's hard to take the person telling me I help seriously when 5 seconds afterwards she could be telling me she is completely unhappy and hates herself.
It sucks. And I'm not giving up on her. I know I sound stubborn, but she deserves someone like me. Her entire life she's never been able to trust anyone, and I know she trusts me and loves me, but sometimes she hurts me pretty goddamned bad and I can't just brush it off because I spend 100% of my time showing her that I care and love her and to have it all deconstructed in an instant by something she probably doesn't even mean...well, it's not fun.
Krow
Garbage Connoisseur
V.V.V.V.V.
Houses Ov Mercury
V.V.V.V.V.
Houses Ov Mercury
Krow
Garbage Connoisseur
Okay... on a serious note... girls like that want to know they can trust in you... that they cant push hard enough to push you away.
My girlfriend has her moments of depression and she says she wants to be alone... but she really doesnt.
She lives a good 15 minute drive away from my house... and in the first months of our relationship, she tried to walk home a handful of times.
If you really love her and she really loves you man... just show up. Even if she tells you not to... fuck, especially when she says not to. Eventually, it'll stick in her mind that you'll be there for her no matter what and it'll make things easier on both of you.
My girlfriend has her moments of depression and she says she wants to be alone... but she really doesnt.
She lives a good 15 minute drive away from my house... and in the first months of our relationship, she tried to walk home a handful of times.
If you really love her and she really loves you man... just show up. Even if she tells you not to... fuck, especially when she says not to. Eventually, it'll stick in her mind that you'll be there for her no matter what and it'll make things easier on both of you.
Srontgorrth
Member
How long has she been getting therapy and does it seem to be making much of an improvement? At least you're doing the best you can, thats really great, and even though she may not see that all the time, it still probably helps quite a bit.
Just try to do what you can to cool down and what not, at least its not like this is happening out of nowhere, since similar things have happened in the past. Or maybe you could use the anger as fuel for music stuff as well.
I'm sure things will clear up soon enough though, just do your best to get your mind off of it. Btw, what ever happened to Soldrom?
Just try to do what you can to cool down and what not, at least its not like this is happening out of nowhere, since similar things have happened in the past. Or maybe you could use the anger as fuel for music stuff as well.
I'm sure things will clear up soon enough though, just do your best to get your mind off of it. Btw, what ever happened to Soldrom?
Eligos
Problem Yet to be Solved
V.V.V.V.V.
Houses Ov Mercury
She's been in therapy for like 8 years. Her trauma is very deep-seated.
I guess I just wish I could tell when she's being serious and when she is just being triggered and in emotional pain. Well, I can tell the difference, but the things she says when she pushes me away still hurt. I also hate silence, which often happens in these situations. The silence hurts a lot, it makes me wish I could understand how she's feeling because I unfortunately can't be with her whenever I want (no car and she's 45 min from me).
My girlfriend's been through way too much fucking pain in her life for me to inflict more on her, and that's why I try so hard, but it takes a huge mental/emotional toll on me too.
I guess I just wish I could tell when she's being serious and when she is just being triggered and in emotional pain. Well, I can tell the difference, but the things she says when she pushes me away still hurt. I also hate silence, which often happens in these situations. The silence hurts a lot, it makes me wish I could understand how she's feeling because I unfortunately can't be with her whenever I want (no car and she's 45 min from me).
My girlfriend's been through way too much fucking pain in her life for me to inflict more on her, and that's why I try so hard, but it takes a huge mental/emotional toll on me too.
Zephyrus
Tyrants and Slaves
That must be awful for you Andy. I know every time my girlfriend is not in a cheery mood, I get major anxiety all day and it only goes away after we talk about it. Your situation seems much worse. Hope you can hang on.
V.V.V.V.V.
Houses Ov Mercury
Yep, I am the same way. If it doesn't resolve, I get anxious and hurt and find it difficult to focus on basically anything. I think it might actually be evolving into a minor depression because a lot of the time my default reaction is to go back to sleep (tell-tale sign of depression) because nothing else seems "worth it" to me.
In addition, I can't tell her how much she hurts me, because she is very emotionally fragile and that in itself will hurt her pretty badly (for her to know she unconsciously pushes me away as a defense mechanism against her own mind).
In addition, I can't tell her how much she hurts me, because she is very emotionally fragile and that in itself will hurt her pretty badly (for her to know she unconsciously pushes me away as a defense mechanism against her own mind).
Srontgorrth
Member
Yeah same here, when my gf gets in a bad mood for whatever the reason is, and its just ignored, it bothers me to no end and isn't fixed until its talked about. Hardly happens now that I live with her, but when we were 2,000 miles away it was quite a pain.
Krigloch the Furious
Pants full of poo
hopefully tomorrow doesnt suck at work. im gonna be pissed if I wake up late as shit like I've been doing for the past two weeks.
waking up and being in a hurry eats dick
waking up and being in a hurry eats dick
Krow
Garbage Connoisseur
In all honesty, V5, you need to start thinking about yourself and your future with this girl. what's gonna happen if you get someone that emotionally damaged pregnant? is she just gonna pick up and leave one day and never come back? Do you see a way that you'll ever truly be happy with her, truly? I mean... these are the years of your relationship that are supposed to be the fun part. It isnt gonna get any easier.... and if things dont change can you handle it?
You're human. I understand it's hard to look past how much you care for her.. but you know you only have one life to live. Do you want to live it under those conditions?
I'm sure that came off as overly negative and harsh.
You're human. I understand it's hard to look past how much you care for her.. but you know you only have one life to live. Do you want to live it under those conditions?
I'm sure that came off as overly negative and harsh.
zabu of nΩd
Free Insultation
- Feb 9, 2007
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Goddamn that is one shitty situation Andy, sorry to hear. I of course can't offer any really useful advice, but I think Krow is on to something in that a lot of these disappearances of hers don't seem very necessary and if you 'overruled' her on them once or twice it could make things easier on the long run by (a) helping her to get over those panicky moments of hers and (b) reducing the emotional stress on yourself that arises from her distancing herself. Even if imposing yourself once or twice turned out to be a mistake, I can't imagine that it would make her flip shit and end up worse off than she was before.
I hope this advice is actually applicable to your situation, and if so good luck with her!
Cause we're all about getting off on other people's suffering, right? lol
I hope this advice is actually applicable to your situation, and if so good luck with her!
Cause we're all about getting off on other people's suffering, right? lol
rms
Active Member
mutantllama
Active Member
