It's all sex related insecurity that probably stems from too many isolated years of virginity in my late teens. I don't know if it's curable.
It's curable, but sex definitely isn't the cure. It sounds like you really just need to "man up". By this, I don't mean just get over it. You need to embrace yourself. Stop doubting yourself, and look inward, not outward, for "curing" your insecurities. Be confident in your state of existence. I was pretty insecure for quite a long time, and it wasn't until I confronted what it was that I hated about myself that I was able to regain my self-esteem. Everybody does this a bit differently. For me, I went through about a year self induced "depression", so to speak, and self pity, all while simultaneously condemning myself for being a piece of shit who wallows in self pity. I wouldn't recommend that route though.
I just need to change the fucking shitty cycle I've been in for the past, well, since anything anyway near adulthood. I get full of angst about stuff that's nothing to do with me. It's so pointless. I never do anything for me, I'm the most narcissistic person but I don't work towards self betterment because I see myself as being above and beyond the world.
We all get caught in bad cycles, just make sure that you're fully conscious of it when you find yourself getting pulled into it again. This doesn't necessarily mean it will pull you out quicker or stop you from going into it at all, but it does help with stopping yourself from being depressed for the rest of your life over the same bullshit.
I used to have the same problem pertaining to the angst, just use that energy and refuse to let yourself become whatever it is that you're angsty about. I used to get extremely pissed off about sex being the foundation of all relationships, but would find myself trying to have sex for no other reason other than to just have sex (I should add that this was caused by a chick who I was in love with for a number of years and who friendzoned me). Once I caught the contradiction, I started purposely sabotaging any chance of me having sex with a girl by setting myself up for a friendzone. Looking back, I did this without really knowing why I did it, but thinking that I would figure out why I was doing it as I aged.
You really should work toward self betterment, lest you'll find yourself in this same position for a long time. It seems like you're letting this frustration stop you from seeing a purpose in self betterment, but you're not going to get over the frustration without bettering yourself in a manner that you see most beneficial to yourself, be it the intellectual or physical route.
I'm just fairly quiet and awkward around new people, but then after knowing people for a while, or being a little drunk I'm normal, but with little in the way of scruples. I've been reading The Game and I think I need to turn myself around. I'm always doing something I'd rather not be doing, stuck in some institution I don't want to be in (education or employment, not mental or penal). I have good friends but they're ancient friends, at least the best ones. I think other people move on and develop new best friends at every stage of their life. This is a dodgy thing to say, but I just need to develop the ability to get what I want out of people and not be brutally honest all of the time, because I am, to the point of a fault really.
I'm confused, are you going to school for something that you don't really want to do? Don't sweat not liking your job, hopefully the menial and hated job is only temporary until you start your career. Everybody only has friends because there is something that they want to get out of them, whether it be somebody to share feelings with or to get physical things out of them. Just be sure to be polite and honest (brutally honest people are rather crude), a decent person so to speak, and you will more easily get what it is that you want out of people.
I don't want to sound arrogant but I think the average person would have taken the easy way out a hell of a long time ago if they were me, so I suppose I'm strong, but I just need to change. I think I might be someone who was ugly in high school but, due to some genetic thing, became handsome afterwards or something. That would fit with the difference in the way people react to me.
I don't think you need to change, you just need to be comfortable in your own shoes and adjust your demeanor accordingly.
