The Whining and Bitching Thread
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The Ozzman
Melted by feels
Are you saying you should ditch friends you made before recovery even if they would help support you? I'm not sure I understand.
Dazed and Brutal
Yall About to Witness
Of course not. I'm trying to say that you shouldn't strike up friendships with people you meet at rehab/support groups that extend outside of those contexts. It often leads to enabling. It's up to you to decide whether or not the people you knew prior are supportive of your recovery or not. Obviously, the best kind of support you can get is from the people who've known you the longest.
The Ozzman
Melted by feels
Okay, I agree with this 100%. I know people who do this and it seems weird to me that you would want to hang out with those people outside of the small realm of recovery but if you've known them for a while then maybe it works.
CiG
Room with a View
Dazed and Brutal
Yall About to Witness
Well it just depends on the nature of the addiction. A lot of people destroy all their deep interpersonal connections whilst addicted. Obviously, no one has to forgive anyone for the drama that was caused by the addict, but it helps a lot to know people are still there for you. Also people need to respect a persons need for reformation. External support is the most highly effective tool to avoid relapse imo. Loneliness can be a huge reason for relapse.
zabu of nΩd
Free Insultation
- Feb 9, 2007
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CiG
Room with a View
Speaking as a former addict here, relying too heavily on external support leaves you completely open to enablism, unhealthy pity and the fragility of other people. I've been clean for 7 years so I have complete trust in my method.
Also Dazed you're weirdly conflating not relying on external support with making oneself lonely. That's dumb, I don't think you've thought that through very much.
Also Dazed you're weirdly conflating not relying on external support with making oneself lonely. That's dumb, I don't think you've thought that through very much.
Dazed and Brutal
Yall About to Witness
I guess I was viewing it through the lens of someone who has brunt a lot of bridges, but didn't really look all that much at what you meant tbh. I agree with your sentiment overall. My personal battle with addiction was long fought and didn't really make any break throughs until I realize I was sabotaging my life. No one should rely on external support for anything though. That would be manipulative and probably the signs of someone too insecure to recover. I'm just saying that you shouldn't marginalize the important of external support if it's the right kind of support. For me, it got to the point where my GF was monitoring my bank statements, without my knowledge, to check if I was withdrawing inordinate sums of money (she has since told me, 3 years, later she would have left if she noticed anything). I was lucky enough to have the people to really reveal what was the good in me and also not put up with any of my bullshit. In the same token I had to self-immolate a lot of friendships to get rid of the bullshit.
CiG
Room with a View
Whatever works for someone works I suppose. I just see too many people around me (currently a very good friend of mine) relying too much on those around them and then when those people aren't able to be there for them as much as they feel they need, they relapse and spiral.
I personally didn't make any progress until I decided to do away with self-pity (a weapon of mass destruction if ever there was one) and make myself the greatest support I could ever fall back on when times got tough. That doesn't mean I was alone though, but what it did was prepare me for when I would or might be alone, because structuring your recovery on the assumption that people will always be around is naive and dangerous imo.
Yes but the point I took from this is that you did it yourself without even knowing this threat (and therefore motivation) existed.
I personally didn't make any progress until I decided to do away with self-pity (a weapon of mass destruction if ever there was one) and make myself the greatest support I could ever fall back on when times got tough. That doesn't mean I was alone though, but what it did was prepare me for when I would or might be alone, because structuring your recovery on the assumption that people will always be around is naive and dangerous imo.
Yes but the point I took from this is that you did it yourself without even knowing this threat (and therefore motivation) existed.
Dazed and Brutal
Yall About to Witness
I agree with all this. I think there's a fine line between support and being overly dependent. I guess I should have clarified that by support, I meant something closer to tough love not pity and coddling.
CiG
Room with a View
I think you and zabu misunderstood what I said (seemed like a hair-trigger reaction) which wasn't about having no external support but rather changing your focus on the internal. If you strengthen yourself, external support becomes much more beneficial because you require less from people around you, there's less strain on them in general.
I think we really do live in societies that discourages individual internal self-empowerment.
Dazed and Brutal
Yall About to Witness
oh for sure. a lot of people have been conditioned to feel self-victimized at all times.
CiG
Room with a View
There needs to be a balance with being vulnerable and being strong. Now we just have a dynamic of people who laugh at the weak and people who sneer at the strong. It's so dumb.
Draehl
Lurker
YouTube recently flagged Wardruna as potentially offensive... What the fuck?
"In response to user reports, we have disabled some features, such as comments, sharing, and suggested videos, because this video contains content that may be inappropriate or offensive to some audiences."
*saunters over to Arghoslent - Flogging the Cargo* No such warning. Hilariously broken system.
"In response to user reports, we have disabled some features, such as comments, sharing, and suggested videos, because this video contains content that may be inappropriate or offensive to some audiences."
*saunters over to Arghoslent - Flogging the Cargo* No such warning. Hilariously broken system.
Satanstoenail
My Larpstyle determines my Derpstyle
Dak
mentat
Oblivious Maximus
I am the worm
Fuck this damn flu. Been awake since midnight last night more or less. No hyperbole, I feel dopesick. That is all.
CiG
Room with a View
Woke up this morning with that pre-flu rancid taste in the back of my throat and a creeping soreness.
Oblivious Maximus
I am the worm
I was fine until yesterday afternoon, then the chills came, followed by gradual leg cramps. After maybe a half hour a sleep at best I woke up with a massive pressure in my lower back and no position would sooth it. Finally at like 5:30 I took a 600mg Ibuprofen which actually did the trick. I slept for about an hour and didn't feel no pain at all. Even got a good workout in. Alas, once early evening came around, so did the cramps and chills and now here I am. Sorta drunk mind you so the headache in the AM will be all my fault but what can you do?Woke up this morning with that pre-flu rancid taste in the back of my throat and a creeping soreness.
