The Whining and Bitching Thread

[Vegard Pompey]

Trying to study history but getting distracted by my own quarter-life crisis. By historical standards I could've very well lived a full life by now. But I've barely lived at all. I'm nowhere near self-actualization and I have for the most part taken no joy in being alive. If I died today and some divine being asked me to rate the experience I'd give it a solid 0/10. I'm only living out of hope that if I keep working on it maybe someday things will get better but I have no guarantee that they will. I know plenty of people with atheistic/materialistic worldviews that don't also subscribe to pessimism/antinatalism but to me the latter philosophy seems to follow logically from the former and it came to me with no difficulty at all. Is my life just singularly fucking hollow for me to see things this way and if so what the fuck do I do about it?

Part of me wonders if this a worldview that flourishes in isolation (seems to have worked that way for Lovecraft) because I've had a pretty solitary fucking life. To summarize my life story briefly, I grew up in one of the remotest godforsaken places you could imagine without leaving the first world, the only friends I had either died or moved away so I retreated into books and games and lost touch with the world. When I eventually moved to a larger town to attend high school it turned out my social skills were kinda shit and I never made any friends and got miserable and dropped out and moved back home where I lived for a few years doing fuck all but helping to take care of my dad who was dying a slow death after suffering several strokes which was another thing about my life that kinda sucked. Sorry, I don't like to whine like this or to blame external circumstances for everything that's gone wrong in my life, there were certainly things I could've done better. And I haven't given up, I'm continuously working to improve myself, find happiness and a place in the world. I just can't help but feel sometimes that a life of misery was just ordained for me by some sadistic higher force.

 

[CiG]

I'm an atheist myself and always have been, since I was probably about 10 yet I've never been attracted to or succumbed to these pessimistic worldviews like the ones you mentioned.

Maybe you ought to attempt an ideological change before your life devolves into pure hell and chaos? You might benefit from it. Read some Jung perhaps?

 

[Vegard Pompey]

I would like to get rid of this ideology, it just seems terribly rational to me. I am not terribly familiar with Jung, wasn't aware he had writings that may relate to this. Reading Marcus Aurelius right now.

 

[CiG]

Jungian psychology (aka analytical psychology) is incredibly powerful and helpful granted you open yourself to it.

Professor Jordan B. Peterson and his daughter have severe depression and he often talks about dwelling in dark depths of misery and so on, the little personality issues I have his analytical presentations of Jungian psychology have helped me understand better and deal with.

If you're not very familiar with Jung, Jordan's videos might be a good foot-in.

 

[no country for old wainds]

Part of me wonders if this a worldview that flourishes in isolation (seems to have worked that way for Lovecraft)

i know they seem like malignant monstrosities but black people are actually quite nice when you get to know them pompey

personally i'm very atheist and rational but i'm also genuinely stimulated by shit like books and games and movies and sports and various other hobbies, and that may not be rational at base, i think it's more of just a brain wiring thing, like OCD or something. i go out with friends having what would conventionally be considered a great time and i'm like ugh i wish i was at home browsing fucking criticker lol. i guess i personally feel that hedonism follows just as logically from atheism as despair does, 'cept my brand of hedonism is dorkier than most people's. i also think feeling like basically everything is retarded and meaningless and hollow actually works in my favour because it means i don't pressure myself into being a Real Person and doing stuff other people consider to be 'living' or whatever, i don't really have that grass-is-greener feeling that stops me from enjoying my unambitious boring-seeming nerdy existence. i do tend to set myself goals though, even ones as trivial as completing a list or something - i get antsy if i don't create some sense of purpose and direction for myself, artificial though it may be (isn't it always?).

that said, i HAVE gone through spells of feeling like you do in the past, and incidentally the worst of those spells came after a trip to america that highlighted a lot of things i didn't realise was missing in my life, so i do think i can empathise here. i think it helps at those times to have companionship or to be working toward some more conventionally meaningful life goals or whatever. having a girlfriend or doing studies or following a career path or, yknow, that kinda stuff. it's not that it changes your worldview so much as makes it easier to bear/ignore if you have something concrete to aim toward or people to share your life with. i doubt these kinds of ideologies seem to matter so much when you aren't spending nearly all your time dwelling on shit by yourself. so i suggest... y'know, the obvious really, working towards moving somewhere with more people and more stuff going on, maybe signing up for some kind of courses or clubs or getting a job that forces you to interact with people your own age etc. i don't know the specifics of your situation and how difficult making that change would be practically speaking, but i'll add that there are an absolute shitload of people out there like you who feel like they haven't lived and don't really know how to act/live like a normal human being, and also plenty of people out there with similar interests - if you lived and worked somewhere more populated i've no doubt you'd meet some people who you can actually feel comfortable being yourself around. i mean, you only went to america for a short time and already met someone who you really connected with, right? i know you're probably still hung up on that specific person, but the point is you probably underestimate how many people out there you'd connect with if you put yourself in a position where you could actually meet more of them. high school is reeeeeeeeally not a good way of judging whether there's a place for you in the world btw, high schoolers are the fucking worst.

p.s. marcus aurelius rules.

 

[Dak]

For someone not grappling with clinical depression etc, basic tenets of positive psychology are probably more helpful than anything else. One important caveat is that just because someone else has something in their life doesn't automatically mean it's missing in yours. Self Actualization is personal.

Edit: If you wanted to see if therapy could help you, I'd recommend looking for someone who is competent in ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).

 

[zabu of nΩd]

I would like to get rid of this ideology, it just seems terribly rational to me. I am not terribly familiar with Jung, wasn't aware he had writings that may relate to this. Reading Marcus Aurelius right now.

I don't believe in academic study as a solution to self-defeating beliefs. You can learn all you want, but if you have self-defeating thought patterns hardwired in your brain over many years, the things you learn will eventually get pushed aside as you revert to your patterns.

Habits are key, and generally mine are impossible to change without routine scheduled activities that involve other people who can hold me accountable.

Few years ago I pulled myself out of a serious shithole by first going to therapy and support groups, which led to volunteering, then a job, then dating, Meetups, and a singing group that met once a week. Again, without scheduled activities involving social pressure to show up, I would not have gotten myself out of my rut.

 

[Vegard Pompey]

if you lived and worked somewhere more populated i've no doubt you'd meet some people who you can actually feel comfortable being yourself around. i mean, you only went to america for a short time and already met someone who you really connected with, right? i know you're probably still hung up on that specific person, but the point is you probably underestimate how many people out there you'd connect with if you put yourself in a position where you could actually meet more of them.

Oh I know, I'm pretty easily fascinated by people whenever I actually have occasion to meet some. Problem is I'm going to be stuck here at the edge of the world for another 1-2 years, so I can't really meet people. I just have to deal with this shit on my own somehow. At least I live frugally so I should be able to travel somewhere again in the near future.

 

[Carpe Mortem]

I have every intention of using my own genetic mania as a serum to cure the world of depression, probably as a crop duster, so just hang in there a little longer until I determine how to do it. You are strong and my serum will be stronger.

 

[The Ozzman]

Meetups,

I've started going to these again. It does help to get out there and not stay holed up in your dwelling. The issue is that I'm attempting to curtail my drinking and lots of these events I want to do take place where alcohol is involved (breweries, restaurants, etc). I guess I'll have to find a balance.

I'm finding myself in a rut because I feel like I got caught somewhere in time (lolol) and feel like I'm behind everyone else I know with marriage and children and shit. Whatever.

 

[Krow]

About to my breaking point at work. I've worked 64 hours this week and I have to be in at 5 am in the morning. Assumption would be I'll have ~76-82 hours by the end of tomorrow. Cant get anything done. Cant even get my car inspected before my sticker expires monday.

Cant believe I'm going to just quit a job. Havent ever done that in my life but its the only way I can even escape to look for another job. Life after the oil field has to start for me soon.

 

[Dak]

About to my breaking point at work. I've worked 64 hours this week and I have to be in at 5 am in the morning. Assumption would be I'll have ~76-82 hours by the end of tomorrow. Cant get anything done. Cant even get my car inspected before my sticker expires monday.

Cant believe I'm going to just quit a job. Havent ever done that in my life but its the only way I can even escape to look for another job. Life after the oil field has to start for me soon.

Been there man hourwise. Coudn't sustain it for more than the 6 months of deployment or ~4 months of one particular semester, and the latter wasn't even physically demanding. Gotta think about your quality of life at some point.

 

[CF87]

 

[CiG]

Why don't you get a fucking job?

 

[CF87]

Got put on disability not to long ago, normally I have some kind of job.

 

[The Ozzman]

5 am in the morning.

As opposed to 5 AM in the evening?

 

[Krow]

As opposed to 5 AM in the evening?

Exhausted brain talking

 

[King Richard]

Rent is too damn high.

 

[Talos of Atmora]

Part of me wonders if this a worldview that flourishes in isolation (seems to have worked that way for Lovecraft) because I've had a pretty solitary fucking life. To summarize my life story briefly, I grew up in one of the remotest godforsaken places you could imagine without leaving the first world, the only friends I had either died or moved away so I retreated into books and games and lost touch with the world.

This has happened to me as well. It was all throughout middle school and high school for me. Granted, I did get to know people, make friends and socialize a bit more after my junior year started but there was a point in my life where it was just my studies, my hobbies and nothing else. Despite living in a metropolitan area, I've pretty much done the same thing for several years. I second No Country's advice. Don't underestimate the amount of people you may connect with.

Reading Marcus Aurelius right now.

Ah, a favorite of mine.

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present."

 

[no country for old wainds]

RYM is down and life is suddenly meaningless.