Confessions

Hmmmm, as for confessions, I've never really had anything to hide..

I have a very, very short temper and it's get's me into some trouble from time to time.

I'm extremely impatient.

I'm also extremely stubborn.

I'm kind of an instigator. I love to argue and have trouble admitting I'm wrong and will always try to get the last word in.

I tend to push people's buttons alot. I tend to test their last nerve.

Yeah, I'm kind of a jerkoff...

Nothing too crazy or shocking but I'm working on curbing all that.
 
I have no self-esteem at all
I don't care about myself
I'm very very nice and love to make people laugh
Very hard to piss off
Would go out of the way for any of my friends.
Geeky/Nerd
Keeps to myself most of the time.
Does not have a social life, and does not go out of his apartment unless it's important.
Mature & Respectful
I do not have AIDS, even though i say it often.
I am the juggernaut, bitch.
 
Fine, I'll confess something.

I get pissed off easily. I don't know if it is my testosterone level or the fact that I'm Italian but I have a fucking temper. For a while though, I managed to be able to control it a lot easier but ever since I started lifting weights and taking supplements, I've noticed that I get pissed off easier and that people often annoy the fuck out of me. My friends are an exception though. I don't get easily annoyed by my friends but classmates and such (a few in particular) drive me fucking crazy.

Oh and I get pissed off the most when I drive. If you live in a small town then consider yourself lucky. People here (or anywhere) cannot fucking drive for shit and it gets worse and worse every year due to the area beginning to become over-populated. Nothing pisses me off more than stupid fucking drivers.
 
Nightshade said:
You know, Kevin, I get what you're saying. I spent a huge part of my life trying to be the invisible girl, both for the freedom of it and because I thought it was what I'd earned. After I left Paul I was shocked - completely shocked - to find that a bunch of the people I'd met through him and while with him were actually really good friends and liked me because of me rather than because of us or him. I had been convinced that I would end out thoroughly alone when/if I ever left, that it was what I'd earned and deserved, and it was scary as hell. I feel like a fake pretty much of the time. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'd hear people tell me I was this or that, but I never saw it, myself, and so I thought they were just being polite. It took nearly 40 years, but I finally decided I'd act like I believed it was true and see what happened. What happened was I just started to enjoy it. Well, that and I think I ended out with the single most awesome group of friends a girl ever had. In the end, though the best I can do is the best I can do. I realized then that what I was faking and failing were internal, self-set goals and ideals, rather than the ones imposed upon me by society. Society didn't expect me to be the Goddess incarnate, they just thought I was good at the things I did well. *shrugs*

Being me, I overanalyzed the shit out of it. I kind of decided that when we're young, we're told these light-hearted fairy tales about princes and princesses, and about being able to do anything we want when we grow up. It turns out that the fairy tales are intended for children and so don't mention the work, luck, birthright and/or natural talent that need to align with the intended goal. Within my father's age group, everyone seemed to know "a guy" who was THE person to see if you needed ...whatever. This was how he and his friends communicated. If your transmission went out, you had to go see Fred. Gutters? See Bob. Etc. I think it was sort of old-fashioned networking in retrospect, but within me, it combined with the excess of the 80's, and the popular language of the 80's, to symbolize a need to be the best at something -- a wonderwoman at something...or everything. I think what it meant to my father was that Fred and Bob were talented at what they did, and he trusted and liked them. I missed the connection, and since I am clearly not wonderwoman, I felt a failure.

When I finally made the connection, I turned in my bullet-proof bracelets and gave the plane nobody could see to the government ( :D ). I kept the magic lasso 'cause it was fun. I started trying to just be a regular person who accepted compliments and believed them within the framework that they were given. It was very relaxing, frankly. I've had my Forrest Gump moments where I met or got to know people, or do things, or go places that there's no reasonable reason that little nobody me should ever have gotten to meet or know or do or see. Dumb luck? Whatever. It happened. It's still true. And if I hadn't lived my life the way I did and made the choices, mistakes and all, that I did, it likely would not have happened to me. Not that I brag, though, I'm not feeling that secure. :)

It's not perfect. I still feel like I'm seen differently than I feel, but I try to remember that one man's garbage is another man's treasure, and move on.

Interestingly enough, I had almost this exact same conversation with my Stepson about a week and a half ago. He tends to feel the same way, basically. He gets told he's special and he doesn't feel it. He knows in his head that he's worked hard and he sees how hard his coworkers and friends work or don't at whatever they're doing, but he still doesn't measure up in his head to where others see him. It was almost the same background for him that it was for me - he was also kind of in the shadow of others he percieved to be incredible, at least with one thing - his dad not the least of them. He reminded me that sometimes grownups can seem superhuman when you're a kid, as well. You never know what grampa gave to dad, and all that. He also perceived his current position in life to be relatively Gumptacular. And, in the end, he's also decided to just kind of go with it. It is what it is, you know?

Oh, and for the record, you're not forgettable. :D
Click to expand...

Thanks Carrie... I always appreciate your logical and intelligent posts :) You're one of a few here I'd come to for real life advice on just about anything.

The rest of ya, thanks as well :kickass:

I think this all revolves around subconscious imminent change, somehow. My gut is starting to talk but I can't understand what it's saying yet.
 
Shpongled said:
Thanks Carrie... I always appreciate your logical and intelligent posts :) You're one of a few here I'd come to for real life advice on just about anything.

The rest of ya, thanks as well :kickass:

I think this all revolves around subconscious imminent change, somehow. My gut is starting to talk but I can't understand what it's saying yet.
Click to expand...
You're welcome, Kevin - truly anytime! And thank you for the very nice compliment. Change is unsettling when you can feel but not see it - that makes total sense.
 
Kevin, I don't have a way with words, but I'm throwing some hugs over to you. I can definitely relate to what you say.

Although on the confession front, I'm very similar to Steve, our liverslapper's confession.

I'm shy and introverted, it is a toxic combination, and something I work on everyday. I'm actually much better then I used to be, but I have a long way to go. So I guess I don't have much advice, but too keep on trying. I don't find it fake to want to be something your striving for either.

I'm shy, on the internet, but it's in waves, I will get super brave, and usually act like an idiot when I do, other times I wrap back up in my cocoon, sometimes without warning, a conversation I'm in that is going really well could cause me to draw inward as I lose confidence in myself at any given point. I hate that the most. This is really hard, because I'm trying to whore my art work, and this is something that must be done. Although blogging is not as hard as talking directly to people. I lurk at 3 art forums that I have been registered to since 2005. 0 posts. I guess I'm a little more comfortable around you guys and a few other artists I've met over the years then anyone.

But, I am worse in person! I have a real hard time meeting people, it's almost impossible, because my first impression really sucks, because I'm very quiet at first. Because of this, I come off as a snob to most people. On a job interview, I was quiet, and started to get grilled that they don't like people who are not perky, or not a "people person" rather then protest I just start crying. Yeah, lol, it was embarrassing as fuck.

Took a year of being on this board to half way come out the shell, and it's taken an absurd amount of time to write this post.

As far as other confessions, I'm not comfortable going in total detail. I'm a very private person, it takes allot to anger me, even when angered, I prefer not to let anyone know it unless I'm seething with it. I'm at a really hard and scary time in my life, and things are not going so well. I'm not very happy right now. I'm too nice and passive for my own good, which is why it's best that I stay away from most humans. And I don't like to talk about things that are bothering me anymore.
 
Kevin, I know what you mean.

It is also great that we are getting to a point where we can open up this way on the board!

One of my flaws is that sometimes I do impulsive things such as power mongering with my girlfriend form time to time. I feel really terrible after it. It only happened once but it was serious. Anyway, that probably reflects that i'm not always as secure as I seem.
 
I can see myself in many of your confessions.

I'm a quiet, shy person. And I think people see me as arrogant when I choose not to speak to them and that is really not my intention. Funny thing is, when I went to school, I always got to hear that I'll grow out of my shyness. But here I am, 23 years old, still very quiet.
Starting conversations with new people (IRL) is like... the most difficult thing for me. Only thing that may get me to speak up is the subject of music and art, since those are my greatest passions. But when it comes to talking about general stuff... I just choose to block myself. People probably see me as a freak because of that.

My shyness has contributed to alot of negative things in my life which I'm not ready to spread out here.
 
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