I let my gf hear opeth

[the_drip]

The cool thing about Opeth is...I know a lot of non-metal heads that absolutely dig Opeth. Everyone I've had listen to them has liked it in some way or another.


now..show me those boobies.

 

[NFU]

i disagree though. i know plenty of attractive metal girls who arent fucked in the head, and dont wear balck lipstick, or in fact any goth make up.

the term "attractive" can be interpreted differently.



im talking about 7s-10s......not 5s and 6s.

 

[coolsnow7]

I am certainly going to have to agree with Guitarmaster on this one.

Metal chicks 97% of the time look like mules. And if they are somewhat attractive, theyre ALWAYS fucked in the head.

I have yet to meet a metal female who didnt have more problems than a Jerry Springer Marathon...and thats a fact.

I refuse to beleive otherwise unless someone presents proof, id love to be proven wrong on this one.

Key tell signs of a metal female:

1. more interest in the "fashion" of metal, than the music...this can be further accentuated by but not limited to the following criteria:
a) they like emperor, but only own prometheus and a cdr of equilibrium.
b) their entire wardrobe consists of fintroll, arch enemy and opeth babydolls, along with mans pants or some sort of pseudo bondage from hot topic.
c) They know more about the genetic makeup of extra terrestrials, than any of the members in any band they claim to "love".
d) they like shagrath.
e) They love going to shows, but never watch the bands, just talk to guys with the longest/silkiest hair in a pathetic attempt to hook up afterwards and get gang raped in an alley, and return home and continue to cut herself blaming "men" in general.
f) they like shagrath.

etc etc.


Case in point: women have no place in metal. It is a genre of social cast out masculinity, back zits and small testicles as it is, women do not fit into those requirements...hopefully.

Any woman who does, probably has or had one or more of the following occur:

a) sexually molested and/or raped
b) has a more manly face than any other guy in the room
c) enjoys cutting themselves more than anything else in the world, but simply for the shock value...(they wanted to be hugged more by their dad).
d) never fit in during school or currently into society, so resorts to listening to other under-achievers scream and swing their heads around in circles while under the influence of enough alcohol to put a moose into a coma.

and for any of you who decides to date a woman who wears black lipstick after reading this...i hope you get hit by a bus.


thank you for reading and please keep the metal scene free of metalcore and women.

Nice you served every metal chick ever. And you happen to be right. Goddamn goths...

1 thing, I don't own any Emperor cd's yet I like them. I have 3 - Prometheus, Anthems, and IX. Does that make me a metal-chick poser?

 

[NFU]

Does that make me a metal-chick poser?

Do you have a vagina ridden with AIDS from when you lost your virginity at 13 in a mall parking lot to some wannabe metalhead with a buzzcut and a torn slayer shirt in exchange for a 6 pack of beer because you hate your parents?

if not...then no.

 

[Nico]

Oh man, that deserves to be framed.

 

[deliverance]

Do you have a vagina ridden with AIDS from when you lost your virginity at 13 in a mall parking lot to some wannabe metalhead with a buzzcut and a torn slayer shirt in exchange for a 6 pack of beer because you hate your parents?

if not...then no.

hahaha wow, this girl exists in numbers at my mall. incredible.

 

[nicemarmot]

metal chicks are fattys....

fat chicks go all out

 

[Necramentia]

i have known many an attractive metal chick in my time. i mean, i'm in college in a city...it's a sea of people here, plenty attractive ones at that.

 

[mot-]

Metal chicks 97% of the time look like mules. And if they are somewhat attractive, theyre ALWAYS fucked in the head.

Seriously Dude, come to Wacken Open Air next year and say that again. There was a damn high amount of very good-looking girls. This is a damn cliche. You're either not at metal festivals very often, or it's your country.

 

[Pessimism]

its our country!

 

[PanzerRon]

What are you guys on about? After "A Fair Judgement" was performed in the Lamentations DVD there are two shots of the crowd in which you can clearly see a very fucking attractive and petite dark-haired girl posing for the camera and cheering for Opeth.

 

[NFU]

the problem isnt anyones country...


its that a metalheads defenition of attractive women is not up to par with the rest of the world.

face it, metal guys often "slum" it, to get chicks that are into "their music."


as for going to wacken....i would if i cared enough, but theres maybe 2-3 bands i ever care about seeing at any single festival, so it makes it financially and timely unpractical....especially if im going just to see some mediocre looking women in band shirts that you claim are "very attractive".

and i saw no good looking women in the crowd of lamentations...you people need some standards, holy christ.

 

[G-Master]

the problem isnt anyones country...


its that a metalheads defenition of attractive women is not up to par with the rest of the world.

face it, metal guys often "slum" it, to get chicks that are into "their music."


as for going to wacken....i would if i cared enough, but theres maybe 2-3 bands i ever care about seeing at any single festival, so it makes it financially and timely unpractical....especially if im going just to see some mediocre looking women in band shirts that you claim are "very attractive".

and i saw no good looking women in the crowd of lamentations...you people need some standards, holy christ.

I agree completely with every single thing, Underground, has said on this topic. The above quote just places greater emphasis on some of the classic yet intelligent shit he has said. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but it's absolutely no excuse for some of the girls some people here claim to be "very attractive".
Great looking metal chicks are not riddled about metal festivals either. At best, their looks are mediocre, and most don't even reach that level. My assumption is that the majority of metalheads prefer pale, skeletal(sometimes obese), thin-lipped, acne infested girls. This is sad. Accept the fact or not, but metal chicks normally fit the above details. Call me a stereotypical faggot if you will, but at least I have high standards.

For those who aspire to have greater standards but lack the required confidence. Get the fuck out of your house and into some sunlight, brush your teeth, brush your hair(yes you can be a "true" metalhead and have nice hair) bathe more than you do now, and wear more than just fucking black. You don't have to wear black all the time to prove that you are metal. Yes, black is a good color, one of my favorites but there are plenty of other available colors at your fingertips.

And as Underground previously pointed out ... we're speaking of 7s and 10s ... not 5s and 6s. The term "attractive" differs from "fine". I use attractive when I acknowledge a girl that has a few things going for her but not much. Many times it is my way of being nice: "Yeah ... well ... she's attractive". This means she is decent at best and something I would never be interested in dating.
I may come across as an asshole saying all this. But your standards need to raise many notches.
And a lot of people here seem to think Underground is an elitist asshole as well(as I previously figured), yet at least the man can claim he has high standards in his regard to women, whether he dates them or not is another matter, but at least he doesn't lower himself to the fucking dogs.

 

[Crimson Velvet]

Who the fuck needs a "metal girlfriend" anyway? Listen to metal with your buddies, and let your girlfriend listen to whatever she wants. I have lucked out and have a girlfriend that at occasion listens to Guns n' Roses and never listens to hip-hop, and quite frankly, I could ask for nothing more.

 

[RavenousDaemon]

Yea... uh mine listens to rap and pop. I think maybe I'd rather she listens to something not so.... shitty? Ah well I'm not converting anyone. But yea every metal chick I know follows these descriptions fairly closely, so I have nothing else to add.

And to Guitarmaster: I think most men would rather have a hot chick than a dog, theres nothing special about hypnos there. And sometimes the 5s and 6s are better than the 7s and 10s simply because they are more fun to be around in ways that aren't sexual.

 

[NFU]

Yea... uh mine listens to rap and pop. I think maybe I'd rather she listens to something not so.... shitty? Ah well I'm not converting anyone. But yea every metal chick I know follows these descriptions fairly closely, so I have nothing else to add.

And to Guitarmaster: I think most men would rather have a hot chick than a dog, theres nothing special about hypnos there. And sometimes the 5s and 6s are better than the 7s and 10s simply because they are more fun to be around in ways that aren't sexual.

the debate isnt on whether guys want a hot woman vs. a dog....the debate is on the lack of standards in metalhead males to the point of them referring to mediocre women as "hot" or "attractive".

Its about immediate standards of two different people viewing the same woman...not what is hypothetically what every male wants.


and thank you guitarmaster...im glad someone in this thread has some sense and knows where im coming from.

And i also must concur that im not some sort of elitest...im more than willing to view any photos or meet with any female metalheads who ARE indeed attractive beyond a reasonable doubt to prove me wrong....i just havent seen one yet.

And i would like to further expand on guitarmaster's theory of cleaning yourselves up a bit. I understand that most metalheads could give a shit about fashion, or dressing nicely, etc. However, theres a fine line between dressing nicely and dressing like a total metal slob douchebag. ill use a cliche here, but one that everyone on this forum should be able to understand and see what im getting at . If you look at Mikael and Peter...they both have long hair, and even wear all black most of the time. Its apparent that they have an "alternative lifestyle" and dont exactly follow trends or pop culture, etc....but they look clean, and well presented....its not that hard to do people. Just stop wearing your "vader" and "iced earth" shirts that say "fuck posers" on the back until they are so worn out that the sleeves fall off in the laundry...and wear some jeans without holes in them, and as guitarmaster said, brush your damn hair and teeth...its as simple as that.

Its like most metalheads have this uniform of "i dont give a shit about you, or myself or anything except mosh pits and beeeer, RAWRR!".....and you wonder why youve never gotten laid.

good luck fellas.

 

[nicemarmot]

I agree completely with every single thing, Underground, has said on this topic. The above quote just places greater emphasis on some of the classic yet intelligent shit he has said. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but it's absolutely no excuse for some of the girls some people here claim to be "very attractive".
Great looking metal chicks are not riddled about metal festivals either. At best, their looks are mediocre, and most don't even reach that level. My assumption is that the majority of metalheads prefer pale, skeletal(sometimes obese), thin-lipped, acne infested girls. This is sad. Accept the fact or not, but metal chicks normally fit the above details. Call me a stereotypical faggot if you will, but at least I have high standards.

For those who aspire to have greater standards but lack the required confidence. Get the fuck out of your house and into some sunlight, brush your teeth, brush your hair(yes you can be a "true" metalhead and have nice hair) bathe more than you do now, and wear more than just fucking black. You don't have to wear black all the time to prove that you are metal. Yes, black is a good color, one of my favorites but there are plenty of other available colors at your fingertips.

And as Underground previously pointed out ... we're speaking of 7s and 10s ... not 5s and 6s. The term "attractive" differs from "fine". I use attractive when I acknowledge a girl that has a few things going for her but not much. Many times it is my way of being nice: "Yeah ... well ... she's attractive". This means she is decent at best and something I would never be interested in dating.
I may come across as an asshole saying all this. But your standards need to raise many notches.
And a lot of people here seem to think Underground is an elitist asshole as well(as I previously figured), yet at least the man can claim he has high standards in his regard to women, whether he dates them or not is another matter, but at least he doesn't lower himself to the fucking dogs.

haha Thank you for this lovely essay, I am now aware of the hordes of young men who seem to have no taste in women, music, or fashion and are as oblivious to EVERYthing as fungi. Maybe we should shoot them? Because i can not live just knowing they exist somewhere in this world.

 

[NFU]

haha Thank you for this lovely essay, I am now aware of the hordes of young men who seem to have no taste in women, music, or fashion and are as oblivious to EVERYthing as fungi. Maybe we should shoot them? Because i can not live just knowing they exist somewhere in this world.

Im willing to bet the reason youre upset and resorted to a swarm of childish name calling is because just about every example i gave up there fits your precise description...

go cry yourself to sleep on your marylin manson pillow mall skank.

btw the new CrAdLe Of FiLtH alBum Is Soo ARweSOme MeDulLLL!!! DANi Is So HoT OMG OMG OMG!!!!!111

 

[deliverance]

hey..i have a marylin manson pillow case :\
shucks

 

[Nico]

Ugh... call me shallow, but the hordes of ugly, dumb metalchicks out there is a bit turnoff for getting a missus. I wouldnt be able to stand being around anyone who isnt a metal fan for any long periods of time.