LOL -- Well, you have your whole life to work on that stuff, and you do seem to have a personality.
I understand not being on board with the limp and greasy thing. My hair is very fine and very fragile, and my husband has hair longer than mine, so my shower has more hair-care products in it than I care to admit. Paul is a redhead and used to use henna a lot, and he said that was AWESOME. Then people started suing companies because they couldn't figure out how to drive and drink coffee at the same time, and now it appears the henna companies only sell neutral henna, out of fear of a carrot-headed lawsuit, or common stupidity, I guess. He's never found anything he felt worked as well.
I found a nice combination works well for me. I use Aussie Real Volume Shampoo, Sheer Blonde Conditioner and I use Pantene's daily hair strengthener (spray on and leave in). I was a little surprised at how well the last one worked. Then I went to a salon and spent real $$ on a deep conditioner and about once a month I put it in my hair and leave it in for an hour, occasionally heating it up with the dryer and then rewraping it in a towel. It does increase volume and keeps my hair in somewhat better condition.
But between you and me and the fence post (OK, and everyone else on the board, LOL), I'd like to know what Warrel uses, 'cause, damn, that's a LOT of hair!