Musician Jokes

DanLights

DanLights

Santa Hat Forever
Jul 28, 2008
7,114
8
38
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Alcalá de Henares, Madrid, Spain
www.danlightsaudio.com
I know there´s been threads about jokes before but I don´t recall seeing any thread about musician related jokes. So I´ll start.

-What´s the last thing a drummer says in a band? "Hey guys, why don´t we try one of MY songs?"

-How many bassists are needed to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the guitarist has to show him first

-The kid who wanted to learn bass went to class. First class teacher taught him "dum, dum, dum," and all good. Second class teacher taught him "dum-da-dum,da-dum,da-um" and everything goes well. Third class the kid doesn´t show up, and the same for the next two weeks. Then after three weeks the kid shows up at class, and teacher asks "why didn´t you come all this time?" and kid answers "oh sorry mate I was so busy touring!!"
 
Skinny Viking said:
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

7

1 to change it and 6 to say how Neil Peart would have done it better
Click to expand...

the version I heard that was going around was:

How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

7

1 to change it and 6 to say how they could have done it better.

Fits for guitarists too :lol:
 
TheDriller said:
not entirely relevant but anyway:

Q: How many Hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: It's an obscure number you've probably never heard of.
Click to expand...

HA! Brilliant.

*WAIVER* These are jokes, they are not my sincere opinion. */WAVIER*

What do you call perfect pitch on a bass? 20 feet into a dumpster, no sides.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a guitar? You take off your shoes before jumping a trampoline.

What does a drum kit on the bottom of a pool sound like? A good idea.

How do you get a guitarist to stop playing? You shoot him.

What do you call a guitarist without a guitar? A bassist.

How do you confuse a drummer? Tell him to play slow.

How do you confuse a guitarist? Tell him the "solo" button on the mixer ISN'T FOR HIM.
 
Q: How do you know it's a singer at your door?
A: He either can't find the key or doesn't know when to come in.

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Q: What does a stampede of Rhinos and a bass solo have in common?
A: You can see it coming from a mile away, and there ain't shit you can do about it.

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Q: What is the difference between a drummer and food stamps?
A: Food stamps can feed a family of 4.

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Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. There's a machine that can do that now.

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Q: Whats the difference between a keyboard and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off when you jump on a trampoline.

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Q: How do you get a guitar player to show up to practice on time?
A: Take the Dominos Pizza sign off the top of his car.

------------------------------------------------------

Q: Whats the difference between a singer and a bucket of shit?
A: The Bucket.

------------------------------------------------------

Q: How do you know the stage is even and level?
A: There's drool coming out both sides of the drummers mouth.

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Q: How many record producers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "I don't know...what do you think?"

------------------------------------------------------

Q: Whats the difference between guitars and drums?
A: Drums burn longer

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Q: Whats the difference between a musician and a mutual fund?
A: The mutual fund eventually matures and earns money.
 
How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
Give him some sheet music.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
None--they just steal somebody else's light.

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
1. None. They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand.
2. Don't bother. Just leave it out--no one will notice.
3. One, but the guitarist has to show him first.
4. Six: one to change it, and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.

In the 22th century, how many guitar players will you need to replace a light source?
Five. One to actually do it, and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.

What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once.

How many vocalists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
 
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