Mort, I hate to say it, but it sounds to me that you're too worried about what other people think. Sounds like you've got some social pressure happening or something, or who knows, maybe you're still trying to figure out where you feel confortable (and nothing is wrong with that).
If one is true lover of metal (including it's culture) you would realise it's not a negative stereotype. It's an almost private, yet community based thing, we support our bands, artists etc, metal touches us all in a very personal way, and it is only us who truly understand how.
Go to gigs and you see how people care for each other, look out for each other etc. Man, you don't see that much in other scenes.
The herds around us, living their bull shit materialistic lives have no concept of true community like underground scenes do (and let's face it, in the eye of the masses, the metal community is still underground).
Metal has idiots in it like any social culture does, that's unavoidable. But don't presume that we're all like that. I think you need to dig deeper, it's a positive community, not a negative one. Fuck the stereotype, you KNOW it's not real, so why are you letting stupid sheep dictate your personal expression? Fuck them all.