Twilight: New Moon -49/10
I watched this because nothing else was available, and well... what the fuck. Seriously. The first one was crap from what I remember of it, but what the fuck was this? Since when have vampires been whiny emofags? And what the FUCK is up with the flegmatic, mumbling girl and that single facial expression her muscles seem capable of posing? During the whole movie I was trying to figure out whether she was sad, confused, angry, indifferent or just plain fucking retarded. As the movie neared it's end, I was feeling pretty confident about the last option. This is how most of the dialogue went:
"Bella, I have always loved you, this must the most dramatic and emotional scene in this whole movie!"
"hnnngftarglbrglmkay :|"
"You know, I'm not actually an indian, I'm a huge fucking werewolf with badass fangs and shit. Oh yeah, and I kill vampires after doing my homework."
"mumblemumbleffflllrhhhmkayyeah :|"
"Now, you see, I'm a really fucking nasty Jamaican vampire with cool dreadlocks and all, and in about three seconds I'm gonna kill you right here and bathe in your blood, right."
"fffhblrrrrightyeahsure :|"
I swear, if that chick and the McKenzie dude from OC would date, the world would collapse from the lack of visible emotion.
I spent most of the movie wondering what would happen if the chick and the werewolf kid got all sexual and shit and the kid would transform into a huge fucking werewolf while still physically attached to the chick's groin. I imagine werewolves are pretty well equipped. Either that, or they are compensating for something.
Holy shit, I don't think I can get over this one any time soon. I think I'll just go stab myself in the eye with a fork until I forget.