The Tasteless Jokes Thread

[waif]

huh?

 

[The Heartbreak Kid]

Essay as in an badass Mexican spelt Ese, and that blondes are stupid. Obvious.

 

[waif]

APPLICATION TO LIVE WITHIN

THE

CITY OR COUNTY
OF
Dublin
(Including Fingal)

Anyone not born within the City and County of Dublin will now be required to
Complete the attached application form and return it to:

The Immigration and Population Control Officer

(Culchie Section)

Dublin Corporation Offices

Wood Quay

Dublin 2.

within 21 days of arriving in the City or County of Dublin

Application to live in the City or County of Dublin.
(Including Fingal)


Name:__________________________

Nickname : (what your friends call you ) __________________________

Address : ( herd number ) _________________________

Father: ( otherwise known as Daddy ) ____________________________
( If you don't know your Daddy, list three suspects )

Mother: _____________________________


Neck Shade: Light Red  Medium Red  Dark Red 

Do You own you own teeth ? Yes  No 

If borrowed, please state from whom. ________________________

Number of Teeth in Full Grin: Upper: _____ Lower: _____

Length of Right Leg: ____ Length of Left Leg: ____

How many wellies do you own ? ______ (pairs)

Size of Farm:
(please tick)

Middlin'  Smallish  Bit of a Field  Only A Bog 


Make of your Tractor: ________________ Weight of Your Tractor: ___________

Tractor Equipped With (please tick) : Gun Rack  4 Wheel Drive  Cassette Deck  Load of Turf  Ford Cortina Shock Absorbers  Truck Wheels  Sawdoctor's CDs  Mud Flaps 
Toothpick Holder  Big Dog  Goat's Hide 

Number of empty Beer Cans on floor of your tractor: _________

BUMPER STICKERS SHOWN :
(please tick)

"Well Holy God"  Me Other Car Is A Piece of SHITE Too  If you're not from Cavan, you're not worth a shite  Mayo for Sam  Honk if you love Glenroe  Supermacs 


FAVOURITE VOCALIST:
(please tick)

Margo  Big Tom  Loretta Lynn  Hank Williams  Brendan Shine  Garth Brooks  Tammy Wynette  Declan Nerney  Daniel O' Donnell  Meself  What's A Vocalist? 

FAVOURITE RECREATION:
(please tick)

Line Dancin'  Sheep Shaggin'  Slurry Smellin'  Bailin' Hay  Dole Signin'  Drinkin'  Chewin' Tabacca  Belchin'  Spittin'  Other 

Name(s) of Daughter(s) :
(please tick)

Mary  Biddy  Bridie  Udder 


Weapons Owned :
(please tick)

Shovel  Power or Chain Saw  Pick Handle  Slash Hook  Hurley  Other 

Cap Emblem:
(please tick)

Guinness  Smithwicks  Massey Ferguson  Net Nitrate 10-10-20  Kerry Co-Op 
Smile if you're wearin' wellies 


Number of Dependants : Legal ___ Claimed ___
Number of Welfare Cheques Claimed ____

Number of Weeks Unemployed: ______ (REALLY ____ )

Membership Of:
(please tick)

GAA  IFA  Macra  ICA  Youth Defence  Fine Gael 

Car Model:
(please tick)

Ford Cortina  Ford Escort MK1  Ford Escort MK2  Fiat Ritmo  VW Jetta  Humber  Honda 50 


How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your yard ? _____

Are you married to any of the following :
(please tick)

Sister  Brother  Cousin  Cow 

Does your wife weigh more than your tractor ? Yes  No 

Can you write your name and get the spelling right every time ? Yes  No 

Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend ? ________ If Yes, Why ? __________

Can you count to :
(please tick)

Ten with your shoes on  Twenty-one with your fly closed 

Medical History:

B.O.  Bovine T.B.  Smelly Feet  Runny Nose  Bad Breath  Head Lice  Sheep Lice 
Foot & Mouth Disease 

Please give the same information in respect to yourself. 

THANK YOU FOR FILLING IN THIS FORM

We Will Let You Know If Ewe Can Stay Next Week.

 

[The Ozzman]

tldr

 

[Vimana]

What's yellow and goes "cheep, cheep"?
A Chinese prostitute.

Why is Italy shaped like a boot?
Because you couldn't get that much shit into a shoe.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

This thread must be über-necro'd. Join me, fellow citizens.


A redneck family's house after they learn their boy just got drafted into the NFL out of high school:

 

[mutantllama]

 

[Dak]

This thread must be über-necro'd. Join me, fellow citizens.


A redneck family's house after they learn their boy just got drafted into the NFL out of high school:

TBH thats a better living arrangement than staying with your parents or in dorms....

 

[The Ozzman]

TBH thats a better living arrangement than staying with your parents

Depends

 

[Dak]

Depends

Well I am ignoring how unobtrusive parents could be/how nice the house is, in favor of actually man-ing up and being independent.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

 

[Omni]

Gonna have to host that somewhere that will let you post it here, buddy.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

Can you not see it? It's showing up for me.

Here's another option:
http://www.flippeh.de/funPics/toLazyToRename/slavery reinstated.jpg

 

[Omni]

Can you not see it? It's showing up for me.

That's because you have it cached from when you viewed it wherever you found it.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

Damn, I have been schooled on Internet.

 

[Orion Crystal Ice]

trailer..picture....so......amazing..

 

[cookiecutter]

It's a pretty good thing that pic didn't load considering it is ancient by internet standards.

 

[zabu of nΩd]

I don't think I've ever seen it before. Anyway, it's not like it's out of place given a lot of the jokes in this thread.

 

[Orion Crystal Ice]

YO DAWG I HERD U LIKE JOKES SO WE PUT SUM JOKES IN UR THREAD SO U CAN JOKE WHILE U THREAD.





..........................................




..

*dies*

 

[seedofvengeance]

You've cracked under the pressure, and have become significantly less funny as of late. Please work on that.