The Tasteless Jokes Thread

Guys there's something wrong my TV, every channel I put it on they're showing the episode of planet of the apes where they take over the whitehouse, is this happening to anyone else? How do I fix it?

Found this off the dota forums
 
What's the difference between you guys and most people?
Most people aren't ruled by a dirty my pals lol my pals my pals my pals.
He's black.
 
Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge.

The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and persuade them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."

"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle)is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd guy)

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"

"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, "This is your asshole before prison...."

:lol:


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What do you call a bunch of black guys in a field?

Antique Farm Equipment

BWAHA
 
What came out of John Lennon's head when he got shot?
Beatlejuice.

Why do mexicans drive low-riders?
So they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time.

What is African-america version of a fortune cookie?
A piece of cornbread with food stamp in the middle.

What's the worst thing about being an atheist?
You have no one to thank when you're getting a great blow job.

Why do mexicans eat beans every day?
So they can take a bubble bath at night.

Why do African-americans like pussy so much?
Because the outside looks like a watermelon and the inside smells like catfish.

Where do women pilots sit?
In the cuntpit.

What does a neon sign say above Joe's 24 hour clinic?
YOU RAPE 'EM WE, SCRAPE 'EM.

What's grosser than gross?
Fucking a pregnant lady and the fetus gives you head.

Whats white, spotted and gooey and it rains down from the sky?
The coming of the Lord.

How does an African-american fairy tale start?
"You muthafuckers ain't gonna belive this shit..."

What does a lesbian get every 28 days?
A free meal.

What do you call an African-american hooker with braces?
A Black & Decker pecker wrecker
 
Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge.

The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and persuade them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."

"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle)is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd guy)

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"

"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, "This is your asshole before prison...."

I lol'd