About a week ago I was talking to a friend of mine and thinking of cheesy pseudo pick up lines as I often do when talking to a woman. I made my usual comments about making babies, with the necessary emphasis on "making but not having," a.k.a. "practicing making babies," as condoms would be involved. I generally don't realistically expect anything to ever happen when flirting in this manner and mostly do it for my own amusement, but for obvious reasons I will only speak this way to women whom I would genuinely consider having sex with anyway.
After the condom topic had been reached I realized that, for once, I actually did have condoms with me, but that I had purchased them over a year ago and had barely used any since. Being the quick witted and charming individual that I am, I told her "I have like forty condoms in my backpack, but they expire soon, so we'd better use them quick!" At this point in the conversation, I became overwhelmingly preoccupied with exactly one thing... linguistics.
My mind now filled with momentary self doubt, I began to wonder whether it would have been more appropriate to have used the adverb form of the word; "quickly." Suddenly, I was overcome with the smart man's burden of having possibly said something unforgivably stupid in front of a woman. Understandably, I was viciously lamenting at the idea that not only might this woman have noticed, but also that she might withold intercourse from me because of it, not willing to risk practicing accepting the seed of a demonstrably inferior male specimen. Surely, the feeling of despair that I felt at this moment rivaled even that time you lost The Game!
Not to be thrown off my game however, I *cough* quickly justified in my own mind the alleged grammatical fumble that had originally sought to do me in. In fact, the curiously omitted suffix was even going to work in my favor! The details are as follows:
Example 1 - "we'd better use them, quick!"
This implies that since the specified goods are reaching the ends of their lives, their use is a limited time offer. Consequently, we must take any and every opportunity to use them within the time alotted.
Example 2 - "we'd better use them quickly."
This implies that each individual condom will be used, but only for a very short period of time.
As you may have noticed, example two does not sound comfortable at all and it is for this reason that my omission of the adverb-creating suffix was both grammatically appropriate and contextually necessary.
Long story short though, I remind her of her ex-boyfriend and she's a virgin for some reason, so we didn't have sex anyway.
The End
After the condom topic had been reached I realized that, for once, I actually did have condoms with me, but that I had purchased them over a year ago and had barely used any since. Being the quick witted and charming individual that I am, I told her "I have like forty condoms in my backpack, but they expire soon, so we'd better use them quick!" At this point in the conversation, I became overwhelmingly preoccupied with exactly one thing... linguistics.
My mind now filled with momentary self doubt, I began to wonder whether it would have been more appropriate to have used the adverb form of the word; "quickly." Suddenly, I was overcome with the smart man's burden of having possibly said something unforgivably stupid in front of a woman. Understandably, I was viciously lamenting at the idea that not only might this woman have noticed, but also that she might withold intercourse from me because of it, not willing to risk practicing accepting the seed of a demonstrably inferior male specimen. Surely, the feeling of despair that I felt at this moment rivaled even that time you lost The Game!
Not to be thrown off my game however, I *cough* quickly justified in my own mind the alleged grammatical fumble that had originally sought to do me in. In fact, the curiously omitted suffix was even going to work in my favor! The details are as follows:
Example 1 - "we'd better use them, quick!"
This implies that since the specified goods are reaching the ends of their lives, their use is a limited time offer. Consequently, we must take any and every opportunity to use them within the time alotted.
Example 2 - "we'd better use them quickly."
This implies that each individual condom will be used, but only for a very short period of time.
As you may have noticed, example two does not sound comfortable at all and it is for this reason that my omission of the adverb-creating suffix was both grammatically appropriate and contextually necessary.
Long story short though, I remind her of her ex-boyfriend and she's a virgin for some reason, so we didn't have sex anyway.
The End
