Confessions

i had a great time at work today but i still think about not coming back after i take a temp leave in february for school. i'm tired of the general hassle of working retail, but i'm also tired of the drama, favoritism, and selected degenerates there. i'm tired of the stress it causes me by making me face the deep-seated problems i have as far as my relationships with people. but i also know that these are problems i will face anywhere and that a large problem is my attitude and the way i handle things. i just wish i had the confidence to change.
 
I may not be insecure enough to post in this thread, but I guess we'll find out.

I tend to be extremely hostile to a lot of people just to weed out the crowd of people who I don't think are worth my time. I take patience, and while I'd like to think that I usually have more than enough to offer in return I have no patience with people who I suspect will drain me or waste my time.

I'm frightened by large breasts - anything above a C-cup registers as a weapon in my head. When I was little and in school, a fairly top-heavy teacher/aide/something like that was bent over to help another student next to me... she turned and knocked me clean over with her goddamned huge tits, and I swear I was horizontal before I hit the ground. I still haven't quite gotten over that.

I'm probably causing myself quite a bit of mental damage with my sleep schedule. I'm in a graduate math program and work three jobs (note: that is a BAD idea), so I don't have time for a lot of sleep. Even before the current shitstorm, though, my sleep schedule was just bonkers and I'd often get less than 20 hours of sleep a week. I already have problems with (unassisted) hallucinations and delusions, and I doubt that helps. The biggest problem I have is a serious case of OCD - even when I was little I was obsessed with patterns and symmetry, and paranoid about my brain turning off if I didn't use it enough. For as long as I can remember I haven't been able to stop myself from doing mental math prompted by any numbers I see in the area - either I'll see a few numbers and have to find some way to make them fit into a simple equation or I'll have to add, multiply, and exponentiate anything I see (you see 2.99, I see 'bet you can't figure out 2^99, bitch!'), or I'll basically take several steps down Panic Attack Lane.

I really have no idea how to handle anyone else's problems. Somehow I'm completely incapable of appropriately handling delicate situations, and when someone comes to me for serious advice (which already isn't a brilliant idea in most cases) I get even more sarcastic than I am normally, and things just go straight to hell.

Jeff
 
It was amusing, but the little quirks bugged me - only the first few digits of pi in the opening sequence are correct, 'theta' is used to refer to the golden ratio instead of 'phi', other little pissy things... interesting plot, though.

Jeff
 
This is the first year I've ever felt NO DESIRE to take part in xmas time activities. I'm not even looking forward to making gifts. My parents are very religious so I've always played along nicely and enjoyed giving gifts, but now it feels fake and I don't even want to bother anymore. I can't afford presents in the slightest, but I feel worse if I don't participate.
 
Also, I was in the shower the other day thinking of this thread and I remembered something else I've never told anyone about before. It's not a huge confession or anything, but it's kinda weird I think definitely no one else knows about it.

When I'm washing my hair in the shower and squeezing off the excess water, I sometimes end up with long broken hairs wrapped around my fingers. I will take them off and stick them to the tile wall where they will stay for days on end until I finally pull them all off the wall and throw em away. So basically, there is a bunch of my hair stuck to the wall above the water knob for my shower.
 
Shpongled said:
When I'm washing my hair in the shower and squeezing off the excess water, I sometimes end up with long broken hairs wrapped around my fingers. I will take them off and stick them to the tile wall where they will stay for days on end until I finally pull them all off the wall and throw em away. So basically, there is a bunch of my hair stuck to the wall above the water knob for my shower.
Click to expand...

:lol: I do the same, all the hair that breaks/comes out when I'm washing it I will roll into a ball/mass and stick onto the wall tiles while I finish my shower, but I will 95% of the time throw it in the garbage afterwards, unless I forget.
 
^ I do that. I throw it away right after my shower routine so as not to wig out the roomy.

Kevin, maybe it's because we're getting older? Being in school I don't have time to focus on waiting for Christmas, instead it just kind of sneaks up on you. Because of this, there's no real festive mood and the feeling seems forced. I don't really want presents, either. I'd like one or two electronics, but since my parents do so much for me, I don't see the point in getting "extra" gifts. I told my mom and she says I HAVE to give her a Christmas list. <3 Besides the unnecessary electronics, I mentioned resoling my other boots.
 
Yeah it's just becoming more of a pain than a pleasure nowadays. My parents are the same way. They won't let me say I don't want anything, so now I just try to think of things I actually need rather than want. The only logical thing I could suggest to them this year is a new backpack, because my current one is being held together with duct tape.

But I'mm going to make my mom a coffee table photo book of pictures I've taken of her dog. I think she'll dig it :)
 
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