Will someone check the lyrics of an album? (12 songs in*.doc)
It won't take much time and will be on the credits.
PM me.
It won't take much time and will be on the credits.
PM me.
Lyrics. English questions.
- Thread starter Jevil
- Start date
small question:
"No price high enough" means "I'm willing to pay any price"?
Meaning, would it be logically correct to put the following in a verse?
No price is high enough to pay
but tolls are taken, payment's due
"No price high enough" means "I'm willing to pay any price"?
Meaning, would it be logically correct to put the following in a verse?
No price is high enough to pay
but tolls are taken, payment's due
Keregioz
Kimon Zeliotis
Hey guys, anyone care to take a quick look at these lyrics to see if anything is off?...
In darkness I was born
My perception I've reformed
The odds I have defied
My sight won't get confined
The image seems so real
Through every single feel
The world I realize
Through my Subconscious Eyes
In darkness I was born
My perception I've reformed
The odds I have defied
My sight won't get confined
The image seems so real
Through every single feel
The world I realize
Through my Subconscious Eyes
Adari
Praise King Haake!
Looks fine to me, except for the "through every single feel" line, which doesn't really work well. Also, the last two lines seem very inconclusive. In this context, 'realise' cannot really be used transitively without being followed by an infinitive (eg. The world I realise to be cruel).
That said, I don't see anything wrong with using the lyrics as they are; most non-English bands don't stick to perfect syntactical constructions in their lyricism, and it's never particularly noticeable (especially if you're doing death growls).
Keregioz
Kimon Zeliotis
Thanks for checking them out man.
About "the world I realize", what it was supposed to mean is "I realize (as in 'make it real', 'perceive') the world through my subconscious eyes", but I guess that doesn't really work, right?
Skinny Viking
¯\(°_o)/¯ How do Lydian?
^ Its fine Kimon .. I perfectly understood the meaning the lyrics were conveying
Only suggestion would be to slightly change "My sight won't get confined" to something like "My vision non-confined" or "My vision not confined"
personally I like "non-confined" better
It has better alliteration and word rhythm while still getting the exact same meaning across
just a suggestion
also ... you may want to drop "my" from "through my subconscious eyes" and just have "Through subconscious eyes". Gets the same meaning across but again it has a slightly better rhythm and the "my" is not needed
Only suggestion would be to slightly change "My sight won't get confined" to something like "My vision non-confined" or "My vision not confined"
personally I like "non-confined" better
It has better alliteration and word rhythm while still getting the exact same meaning across
just a suggestion
also ... you may want to drop "my" from "through my subconscious eyes" and just have "Through subconscious eyes". Gets the same meaning across but again it has a slightly better rhythm and the "my" is not needed
Keregioz
Kimon Zeliotis
^ Thanks Carlos, thank god I don't need to change them, I fucking hate writing lyrics 
.
About your suggestions, I think I prefer "my sight won't get confined", but I do agree I should remove the "my" from the last line, and it actually fits the vocal melody better too.
.About your suggestions, I think I prefer "my sight won't get confined", but I do agree I should remove the "my" from the last line, and it actually fits the vocal melody better too
.
Skinny Viking
¯\(°_o)/¯ How do Lydian?
Glad to help
Its always hard to be sure with lyrics unless you can actually hear them in context of the music and with the vocal melody. Most importantly of course is that they're YOUR lyrics so if it feels right and its written honestly you can't really go wrong. The vocal performance is what will really sell the lyric
Its always hard to be sure with lyrics unless you can actually hear them in context of the music and with the vocal melody. Most importantly of course is that they're YOUR lyrics so if it feels right and its written honestly you can't really go wrong. The vocal performance is what will really sell the lyric
DanLights
Santa Hat Forever
Through every single feel doesn't sound right cause feel is a verb, and you need a noun there. It might not work rhythmicallybut "feeling" would be the correct word there IMO
Skinny Viking
¯\(°_o)/¯ How do Lydian?
You shouldn't always get so hung up on grammar with lyrics. While not a noun in the usual sense, its still becomes a noun surrogate in the context of that line
Most importantly, listening as a civilian, those lyrics work just fine
I've heard far worse from native english speakers / writers
Most importantly, listening as a civilian, those lyrics work just fine
I've heard far worse from native english speakers / writers
Keregioz
Kimon Zeliotis
First I should point out that I'm not too crazy about that particular line either, and also I'm not the one who wrote it. I'm actually writing this song with a friend.
Anyway, based on a search I did on google "feel" can be used as a noun...
DanLights
Santa Hat Forever
Keregioz said:
Yeah you're right it can be used, but it doesn't seem to coincide withthe usage given in the examples of that link you posted. It just doesn't sound right to me, cause you can say "you'll get THE feel" with the definite article but you can't really say "every single feel" cause that implies the use of the noun "feel" in a plural sense (every feel = all the "feels") and I can't say I'm sure and I'm on my phone so I'm too lazy to search, but it sounds terribly wrong to me to use feel as a plural noun.
Anyways, even if it is wrong, no one's gonna condemn you for something like that, it still is a grammatically solid lyric so it shouldn't be a problem.
Keregioz
Kimon Zeliotis
For the record, the same link in my last post states that there's a plural form of the noun "feel"...
But yeah, like you said it doesn't sound quite right.
DanLights
Santa Hat Forever
woops! Haha reading on the phone so I didn't seem to notice that. It's a shame it doesn't have any examples for the plural form cause I can't seem to think of any possible uses that don't sound wrong to my ears. But yeah as I said before it's still grammatically correct so it isn't a problem if you use it
Keregioz
Kimon Zeliotis
Hey guys, anyone cares to take a quick look to those lyrics and tell me if anything is ok as far as the use of the english language?
(verse 1)
Memories have been wiped clean
Left just an empty shell
A body with a clean slate
Assign a personality
There's nothing out of reach
Your heart's desire made flesh
(bridge 1)
Visions flash before my eyes
Feelings trying to break free
Vivid traces of past life
Gradually resurface
(chorus)
Buried within us, defeated and broken
Our bound soul lies sleeping
Slowly dissolving, in to the darkness
Remains lost but not gone
(Insticts take over, determined to wake the
Human will to survive
Forced evolution, rising through the seams
Of flawed technology)
(verse 2)
The warning signs of our abuse
Crushed underneath our greed
Forever sealing our fate
Highly advanced technology
Spiraled out of control
Now, I fear, it's too late
(bridge 2)
Unable to forsee
How humans would evolve
Beyond technology
Meant to enslave our soul
(verse 1)
Memories have been wiped clean
Left just an empty shell
A body with a clean slate
Assign a personality
There's nothing out of reach
Your heart's desire made flesh
(bridge 1)
Visions flash before my eyes
Feelings trying to break free
Vivid traces of past life
Gradually resurface
(chorus)
Buried within us, defeated and broken
Our bound soul lies sleeping
Slowly dissolving, in to the darkness
Remains lost but not gone
(Insticts take over, determined to wake the
Human will to survive
Forced evolution, rising through the seams
Of flawed technology)
(verse 2)
The warning signs of our abuse
Crushed underneath our greed
Forever sealing our fate
Highly advanced technology
Spiraled out of control
Now, I fear, it's too late
(bridge 2)
Unable to forsee
How humans would evolve
Beyond technology
Meant to enslave our soul
Skinny Viking
¯\(°_o)/¯ How do Lydian?
there's really nothing technically or grammatically wrong with them
some of the rhythmic schemes are a bit odd but I'm sure its just to make them work within the music context
some of the rhythmic schemes are a bit odd but I'm sure its just to make them work within the music context
Skinny Viking
¯\(°_o)/¯ How do Lydian?
Keregioz
Kimon Zeliotis
Thanks guys, I totally missed those too. I'm writing these in windows notepad where there's no spell correct. I was more concerned about more serious grammatical mistakes but it seems there will be no need to re-write any of the lyrics... yay
Yes, I guess out of the context of the vocal melodies the rhythmic schemes don't really make much sense.
Yes, I guess out of the context of the vocal melodies the rhythmic schemes don't really make much sense.
Keregioz
Kimon Zeliotis
Quick question: is the phrase "the look inside your eyes" correct?
I googled it and found quite a few people using it but it seems wrong to me, it should be "the look in your eyes" right?
However, "inside your eyes" works much better rhythmically for the song I'm writing lyrics for, should I use it?
I googled it and found quite a few people using it but it seems wrong to me, it should be "the look in your eyes" right?
However, "inside your eyes" works much better rhythmically for the song I'm writing lyrics for, should I use it?
