pet-peeves GO!

[jangoux]

Oz, worse than not flushing is peeing at the floor. Every once in a while a few drops of pee fall to the floor - it is normal for men, isnt it ? But fuck, there are some guys that make a lake just outside the crapper.

Besides the drummer hitting when you're setting up, there's a worse one, for me at least: 100w amp at volume '6', you ask the guitarist to stop playing so you can change something on the tone/mic positioning, and when you're 2 feet aways from the amp, BAMMMMMMM, the motherfucker plays something.

 

[Chryst Krispies]

Oz, your distaste for shitty drummers is fucking epic. I love it.

 

[narcossintese]

People that say things like this, as if the bass frequencies aren't as valid a component as a piece of music than the rest of the cacophonous bullshit that constitutes metal these days.

>:{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{

No dude, I´m a bassist mysef and I fucking hate what they did on 'And Justice For All', but 9 out of 10 bassist thinks that they´re playin on Primus or Korn. They want to hear every single note of the bass as loud as if it were the vocals. I used to show how the guy´s favourite songs have 'discrete' bass to convince them that bass is a 'background' instrument. Now I just slam +8dB on the bass track, crapping all over the mix. Show the band. They ask to go easier on the bass boost. I take back those 8dB and the bands says: 'now it is perfect'!

 

[XxRobbieChaosxX]

1. When you give people HUGE discounts, and they don't take advantage of them.

2. People who argue about their parts in the studio.

3. When someone swears they can nail their guitar parts, it turns out they can't. You let them record the song in parts, and yet, they're still out of time.

4. When people make noises in the background to see if they can mess up the recordings.

5. WHEN PEOPLE IN THE BAND WANT A GROUP CHANT IN THE SONG, BUT NONE OF THEM ARE WILLING TO GET UP THERE AND DO IT AS A GROUP.

6. Uncalled-for playing of the drums.

7. CYMBALS. CYMBALS. CYMBALS. OH MY GOD. lmfao.

8. People who think it's a good idea to get high while recording.

9. Bands who don't have their shit together before they record.

10. Girlfriends in the studio. You can hangout with your girlfriend some other time, SEND HER HOME. lol

11. "BRO-CORE"

12. People who claim to be "SO SERIOUS" about music, but they get "SO BORED" with recording.

 

[EerieVon]

list your pet-peeves, specifically in the studio (but not limited to)



7. feet in general

You mean like these beauty's?

 

[AudioPhile777]

People slamming my doors.

People pushing or fighting around me/my equipment.

People who have massive arguments, fucking STRESS!

People who despite being told lots of times, don't take their shoes off on my new fucking carpet.

Everyone else.

Like with cats, I find spray bottles very effective in dealing with morons.

 

[::XeS::]

Drummer that starts playing when you start speaking with him or someone else......not 1, not 2, but 7-8 times Holy shit
Musicians that say everything is ok, but the day after wanna change by 0.1db the guitar volume or the bass volume..
Musicians that say everything is ok, but the day after they say the bass sound is totally wrong, so me say "what? yesterday it was perfect", them "yesterday I listened on my laptop speakers"...

 

[greyskull]

This is fun.....

The Classic " is it just me or is the click speeding up and slowing down?" - It's Just you mate

Bands who dare to sit in my chair. Get the fuck outta my aeron

Band members who have learnt where the talk back button is and that space bar is stop. And thus lean over your shoulder and try to start pressing buttons. Back the fuck up, YOU'RE paying ME for MY expertise.

Drinking mid session, never ends well. I have banned several bands from drinking in the studio because the just got shit faced and played like crap.

No alcohol or hot food in the control room or live room, go to the lounge, thats what it's there for.

Getting high mid session, never a great idea for most people

Band members not knowing their parts. Seriously fucks me off. I could play any song of the band i was in to a click all the way through with nothing else and i know it'd be right. How hard is that? but NOOOOOo
I've had a drummer insist that he needed everyone playing for a guide AND the vocals, the Guitarist/singer couldn't do both in time so fucked up the guide horrendously. and wasted several hours. I shouted at them.

Guitarist's who don't tune, and when you ask "have you tuned?" they say "i tuned this morning" or start tuning the guitar to itself, when you know its way beyond that. Also when tuning with a tuner, they tickle the strings so it looks in tune, then when they actuallly go to play it, its horrifically sharp. Play into the tuner like your going to fucking play.

Bass players who haven't got a clue, you know the sort. Likes music and would LOVE to be a musician; but just plain isnt' . when i've got to mute notes for them etc you know its really bad!

Arguments about tempos/arrangement after just about everything has been recorded. Seriously???
Had a shit band the other day who insisted on not playing to a click (would've been a waste of time....seriously) after i recorded everything and was alarmingly surprised at what i had beaten out of them they said.....
"We think the choruses are a bit fast. can you change the tempo of everything?" FUCK OFF. I said "I could, it'll take about 5 hours and I'm not going to"

Bands who just plain don't book enough time. " So you guys are just coming in for a day (Uh OH!!) yeah? How many songs would you like to do?"
"we were thinking about 6 or 8." - DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER
"well i think it'd be in your best interest to record fewer songs and have more time to work on getting those the best they could be, or maybe book more time"
"no we need to record all the songs, we're really good so we'll nail them! " they never are and the never do
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!! - To be fair havent had one of those in a while. But they're the sort of band who get all up in your grill about time etc, and they're also the sort of band who will expect you to stay late (for free of course) to finish up.
I NEVER finish late. sets a bad precedent. The only exception is if an album is behind schedule and needs to get to the Label, but i make them pay.

Bands who ask at the end of the day, when you've turned everything off. "can you just burn off a rough mix?" NO FUCK off, not now, not EVER, all you'll do is moan about how xyz isnt loud/quiet enough, of fucking course it isn't, it isn't fucking mixed you cunt.

Guitarists who insist that their lead part needs to be louder constantly.

Drummers who punch above their weight ability wise. (most metal drummers)

When a drummer turns up with two bass drums and five toms. never yet have they been good.
In fact, i have NEVER recorded someone who uses more than 3 toms that is any good. Coincidence?? probably not, and these drummers who set up these leviathan kits then precede to not play the extra 2 toms or 5000 cheap shit cymbals they set up and you mic'd up. what a waste of time.

i'll remember more later.

 

[James Murphy]

• drummers that set their sticks down on their snare immediately after playing the last crash cymbal... it can be a cool thing to leave on one song maybe... but i've recorded guys who do it at the end of every song.... every single time... even after punching in specifically to fix exactly that issue, they do it again.

• when one band member tells me they are ready to start pre-pro and another, on the same day, tells me that they only have 3 completed songs and a bunch of loose ideas and riffs. this actually happened quite recently to me.... and when the first guy talked to the second guy about it, it went like this (i know because the second guy told me later):

1st guy: "why'd you tell james we didn't have our songs together"
2nd guy: "because we don't."
1st guy: "yeah, but you didn't have to tell him that."

fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.....

• when musicians take extended breaks to talk on their cell phones/chat on AIM/play xbox/take naps... and then when their bandmates ask why it's taking them so long, they play dumb. "cracking the whip" doesn't work on some people.

• sweaty drummer coming straight into the CR from the booth after a take and sitting down immediately in my chair and just soaking it with their sweat. death to you all.

• band members that have to have it like a deep freezer in the studio to be comfortable.... i keep the fucking thermostat for the HVAC @ 73º F, that's fucking comfortable, i'm NOT taking it down lower for your fat ass, lol... so shut up. well, sometimes i do... just to make a particular client happy... but i don't rally want to goddamn it!!

• boogering up my CDs (especially nice digipaks) with your nasty, unwashed, oily, cock-beaters. yeah.. i have racks of them all over the fucking place... so, i usually ban monkeying about with them. anyway, i share my library over the network here, so any client can listen to any CD i have just by opening up iTunes and connecting to the network. they can only listen, they can't copy anything, it won't let them.

• eating all my pretzels when my back is turned... sure, i said "help yourself", and i meant it.. but really? the whole fuckin' tub?? ha ha ha... i get it, i get it, they're addictive. that's why i have them to start with. seriously, i have a big tub of Utz Honey Braided Twist pretzels by me at all times... they are for sharing, not hogging.

• when guitarists/bassists try to record while watching my monitor... look at your instrument you ass-hat, you're meant to follow music with your ears, not with your eyes. COUNT if you want to know when to start... i give the same damned 2 bars of pre-roll every single fucking time, it's 8 clicks, not calculus!!!... so, don't try to watch for the punch on the monitor screen, it'll NEVER WORK!!

• not being able to tell some clients how shit they are.

• abuse of my good nature in any form.

 

[AudioPhile777]

THIS THREAD IS SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!111oneoneone

...bunch of stuff...

The easy (albeit unprofessional/scary) solution is to wear two holsters. One containing a squirt gun. The second containing a real gun. IF you have to use the first, which I would, tell them next time you will use the other one.

Or hire a scary guy to open-carry and tell your clients, "he doesn't like it when you touch my cds, eat all of my pretzels... it makes him shoot-y."





ok, granted, I would never really do this, but its fun the imagine how uniform and hassle-free any tracking session would be with this little gem in place.

 

[Jarkko Mattheiszen]

Arguments about tempos/arrangement after just about everything has been recorded. Seriously???

And when they try to put the blame on you, that's when it gets awesome.

- This part doesn't sound right. It's way too fast. Why did you do that?
- Well, that's the tempo you agreed on when we were figuring it out.
- The guitars don't go with the tempo at all.
- I know, that's what I told you when we were tracking them.
- Yeah, but I was too busy taking pictures of my dick behind your chair and doing crossword puzzles intended for five-year-olds to actually give a shit at that particular moment.

 

[Williamn]

People that think gear = skillz.
I always get kind annoyed when I check the local studios and see how they have those great rooms and nice outboard gear and then I hear the samples and it sounds very mediocre.

 

[Ermz]

• when one band member tells me they are ready to start pre-pro and another, on the same day, tells me that they only have 3 completed songs and a bunch of loose ideas and riffs. this actually happened quite recently to me.... and when the first guy talked to the second buy about it, it went like this (i know because the second guy told me later):

1st guy: "why'd you tell james we didn't have our songs together"
2nd guy: "because we don't."
1st guy: "yeah, but you didn't have to tell him that."

fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.....

As long as you have at least one band member on your side, it can be helpful. When all the guys have attitudes like your 1st there it can feel like David v Goliath, talking sense into them.

 

[James Murphy]

As long as you have at least one band member on your side, it can be helpful. When all the guys have attitudes like your 1st there it can feel like David v Goliath, talking sense into them.

meh, i just postpone them until they really are ready, or i remove them from my schedule.

tried the first option with the band in that scenario... for a YEAR. they still weren't ready. i am no longer working with that group.

 

[Pedro Teixeira]

• not being able to tell some clients how shit they are.

I was doing a bands album and the bass player had like a thunderbird bass with the action like 1 meter away from the neck and couldnt play shit, I in a good will and for the sake of the record lent him my bass and he couldnt play a SINGLE note, he didnt know what the fuck was going on. So I basically picked up the bass (im a bass player) and recorded the whole album in half a day, the band sent their bass player home while he was obviously pissed. I wasnt agressive obviously, I cant ever be, I always try to be polite and explain everything which is what I did in this case, but there are so many things that just fucking annoy me... like leaving the studio with 2000 cans of Monster and coke and noodle containers all over the fucking studio, one time even at the top of my DESK!!! (not working desk... actual recording desk...)

 

[Jarkko Mattheiszen]

like leaving the studio with 2000 cans of Monster and coke and noodle containers all over the fucking studio, one time even at the top of my DESK!!! (not working desk... actual recording desk...)

I hate that, especially since I work out of other people's studios when tracking. I don't want to leave a mess behind me, and I even less like spending two hours doing the dishes and cleaning up alone in the middle of the night after 10 hours of tracking. That's why I almost always do this at the end of the session:

I gather everyone in the session, including girlfriends, hang-arounds and such together and tell them: "Ok, here's how we're going to spend the next 30 to 45 minutes to wrap things up: while the computer is transferring the backups, I'm gonna take apart the recording gear, cables and shit, and you guys form a cleaning patrol gathering all the empty beer cans, food containers and candy wraps in trash bags so the place will look like we were never here and the people coming in tomorrow won't have to bitch me about it. Everyone with me? Cool, go!"

That usually leaves everyone in good spirits and they quickly clean up all their own shit. So far no-one has had a problem with it.

 

[Ermz]

Yeah I'm the same that way Jarkko, though so far I've dealt with guys that mostly do clean up after themselves. The hang-arounds (or the one hang-around that's permitted to be there) usually feel like they haven't done much for the day so they're happy to clean, and the few that can do it adequately can wrap cables. So while the backups are rolling we are all doing our own things.

 

[Loren Littlejohn]

like leaving the studio with 2000 cans of Monster and coke and noodle containers all over the fucking studio, one time even at the top of my DESK!!! (not working desk... actual recording desk...)

I get that shit CONSTANTLY. It fucks me off so bad. I even have a container in here that says "BOTTLES AND CANS"

But no, that would be to much work to toss it in a can less than 10' away.

 

[GarethSE]

I have a pet peeve about myself

"Loading up a crush of the devil's lettuce" then realising I have a fuck load of guitar editing that needs to be done for tomorrow morning
FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

need to get out of the habit of that one haha

 

[Chris_P_Critter]

Let this thread be the be-all-end-all guide for recording musicians - this should definitely give them some insight into what NOT to do.

Some of you should print this thread and keep it in the studio, to be read and signed along with the contract.