Themed Mixtape Game

Surprised at the complete absence of Maiden. HBB, were you unaware that Where Eagles Dare is based on a movie?

I actually remembered Where Eagles Dare shortly before my actual pick, but I figured someone else would have picked them by then, and I didn't know how closely it was based on the movie since I never saw it, and it's my favorite Maiden song of all time so if I'm gonna nominate it I'll do it for a different theme.

At first all I could think of was shitty Blaze-era songs (Man on the Edge, The Clansman, When Two Worlds Collide...)
 
I've been waiting for someone to submit Rigor Mortis so I can downrate the shit out of them.

Because you're a faggot.

So it's what, like 80-90 BPM?

Jim-Carrey-Not-Funny.gif
 
Possessed - The Exorcist
5/10


This song would have been so much better with a heavy moment where shit slows down. Much like its namesake, it's a little chaotic and terrifying, but unlike the movie, lacks drama. Too atmospheric and it should have been face-punchingly evil with a strong air of final fucking possession. This was just... 'possession lite'. It's like the demon hopped around somebody's body for awhile without ever actually taking hold.


Boba Fett - Zombie Holocaust
1/10


I hate the vocals. I also find it immensely retarded that the song is about star wars bullshit yet called zombie bullshit. This song was fucking bullshit. It's like, in terms of cinematic relevance, it was just like, terrible and gay and boring.


Dokken - Dream Warriors
6.5/10


First of all excellent fucking choice for pure theme satisfaction. I don't love this song but I'm really glad it's in this list, it needed to be. You can't argue how on par it is, so as far as the musical enjoyment goes, there should have been far more women screaming to give it that final touch. And maybe less talk about dream warriors because Freddy fucking wins every time.


Reverend Bizarre - Blood on Satan's Claw
7/10


I at first assumed this was one of those throwaway 'well it's kinda about dracula eh? eh?' picks, but google revealed there is actually a movie by this title, and it might actually be worth watching. I almost deem myself unworthy to rate this accurately since I haven't seen the film but the breakdown was cool and this was overall a pretty good track.


Hexx - Sardonicus (no youtube of the song, only the EP - click the timestamp in the video info)
4/10


Really cool pick theme-wise, and the lyrics are faithfully narrative. But it... does this thing. This thing I don't really care for. That is it's downfall, never cared for borderline spoken word vocals. Make up your fucking mind or learn to sing better. Shame, because the fluid guitar work was actually pretty damn good and set a nice atmosphere.


Crydebris - Mononoke Picture
0.5/10


So, anime movie? Gross. Teenagers singing? Gross, I'm a grown ass adult. These have been by far the worst vocals yet. Even Boba Fett was better. I actually turned the volume down because I didn't want my neighbors knocking on the door asking if I'm raping a 12 year old. Literally unbearable. I didn't give it a zero because I guess they played their instruments okay but for the most part shit was unforgivable.


Death - Evil Dead
6.5/10


I feel like this captured the classic campy horror feel really fucking well, despite the simplicity of the lyrics. The goofy outweighed the attempts to be scary, and fucking amen to that. I can imagine this track playing during the insanity scene. Just craziness and fucking metal.


Godflesh - Dream Long Dead
3/10


No idea what movie this references. Can't figure it out by google either. As the gamemaster stated, you shouldn't be too obscure, and I am in full agreement. You'll be judged harshly for this infraction. Decent enough song though, I dig the bassy thudding. I dig. the bassy thudding. Be more obviously cinematic.


Satan's Host - Strongest of the Night
9/10


Okay as soon as the sample started I knew this would blow Death out of the water, and it fucking DOES. Holy tits, I love this song. THIS SONG epitomizes the movie. Crazy, cacaphonic, goofy, epic, and evil all rolled into one. There's an excellent desperation. It's not Ash who sings this song... it's the failed hero before him. It's the loser who fell ultimate victim. And then it's the powers of all the spirits and dead, working as legion, telling mortals how the fuck it really is, you faggots with your expiration dates. God, just excellent. FUCK YEAH EVIL SPIRITS!


Blood Freak - Gobble Up Your Guts Part 2 Revenge Of The Turkey Monster
1.5/10


Is this supposed to be about thankskilling or poultrygeist? It certainly has all the shit quality of those movies... while lacking the B charm. Awful. I was glad when it ended. If this song were personified into the movie it attempts to represent, it'd just be a headless chicken running around in the road until it stabbed itself repeatedly with a broken fender. So anyways then I figured out it's about a totally different movie but song still blew.


Blood Farmers - Headless Eyes
7.5/10


Never seen the movie but I've heard the gist of it, and from what I know, this captures it pretty well. Now that's out of the way, fuck yeah sexy psychadelic doom. Blood Farmers are excellent, this album is excellent, this song is excellent. The only reason I'm not rating it high as shit is because I'm not sure how perfect of a fit it really is. But fuck yeah sexy music.


Blind Guardian - Time What Is Time
5.5/10


Meh, I feel like the reference was there but only for the sake of saying it was. Blind Guardian is one of those bands who take advantage of idiots a lot, while also being relatively palatable and downright tasty at times. This is not one of those times.


Deicide - Dead By Dawn
8/10


Might need to watch the movie again soon for fuck's sake. I laughed a lot during this song, cracked me the fuck up. Fuckin goony clowns. Music was cool and consistent, vocals were well enough. I'd listen to it again. Preferably with someone else so we could clank glasses and laugh together at how fucking goofy it is holy shit I just squirted iced tea out of my nose around 2:15-2:30 hahahahah. BLASPHEMATE ME! God, this song is fucking awesome. Well played.


Witchfinder General - Witchfinder General
6/10


Never seen the movie, never liked this band. I'm tired and have little to say about this so let the rating speak for itself. Not bad not great probably very faithful to the movie.


Iced Earth - Damien
9/10


Fuck yeah this band. Fuck yeah this album. Fuck fucking yeah this song and this movie. Excellence.
 
Possessed - The Exorcist – 7/10

Classic song with one of the most hilariously sloppy drum performances of all time. I don’t really love it, but the tense tremolo-picked parts are awesome.

Boba Fett - Zombie Holocaust – 3/10

Yeah, retro crossover, whatever.

Dokken - Dream Warriors – 8/10

Great song from their only good 80s album.

Reverend Bizarre - Blood on Satan's Claw – 3/10

Not sure if this is trying to be Celtic Frost, Saint Vitus, King Diamond or what. I wanted to give it some bonus points for being shorter than ten minutes, but the songwriting is pretty poor and boring. Actually, by the end I wanted it to end more than the other two songs, so yeah.

Hexx - Sardonicus – 6/10

When Hexx turned from USPM to thrash they almost happened on something really cool, but never quite made it. Hints of the Ulysses Siren thing, more exotic rhythms and other ideas yet still with full thrash intensity, and some trad melody creeping in, but for Hexx the verses are pretty boring and forced compared to the rest of the instrumentation.

Crydebris - Mononoke Picture – 7/10

I don’t know that I’d call this metal, but props for the Chinese cartoons and at least it’s heavy so I’ll just let that slide. For post-core stuffs it’s reasonably riffy.

Death - Evil Dead – 8/10

Great song, nothing more to say.

Godflesh - Dream Long Dead – 3/10

Godflesh stopped being interesting once I discovered early Swans (and I’m not even the biggest fan of them either). Chug chug. Chug chug. Chug chug. Chug chug. Not even one of the better songs on the album.

Satan's Host - Strongest of the Night – 6/10

The bridge section is the highlight, otherwise I dunno, I want to like Satan’s Host but they still haven’t sold me yet. Maybe my standards are too high because I want them to have that Brocas Helm or Deliverance-level craziness, and they just don’t reach that.

Blood Freak - Gobble Up Your Guts Part 2 Revenge Of The Turkey Monster – 5/10

Solid.

Blood Farmers - Headless Eyes – 5/10

Solid.

Blind Guardian - Time What Is Time – 2/10

Virtually riffless with a quarter-assed branch into neoclassical realms years after Hansen & co already drained that well dry. I really hate this album.

Deicide - Dead By Dawn – 7/10
Great shit.

Witchfinder General - Witchfinder General – 5/10

Solid.

Iced Earth – Damien – 3/10

Way too try-hard, the brief spoken part might be the single most fedora-tipping moment in all of metal. Riffs aren’t good, backing falsetto everywhere is stupid, it’s just an absurd song and not in an amusing way.
 
Possessed, The Exorcist - 8.5/10, One of the most ferocious death metal songs ever recorded to this day. Classic with a frantic, angry tempo and beat, it seethes with primordial staples of what would become death metal. It even sounds a little black metal at points with some great tremolo picked guitar. The solo thrashes and tears, and Jeff Becerra shows off why he's one of the finest extreme metal vocalists period. Doesn't match the intensity of the actual movie sadly. So close.
Zombie Holocaust, Boba Fett - 4/10, Sounds a little more hardcore punk than metal at certain points. Love the bends on the soloing. Very mundane and generic though. A pathetic attempt at saluting a legendary film franchise.
Dokken, Dream Warriors - 8/10, One of the legendary metal hits of the 80's. Don Dokken's soulful R&B/glam metal tenor rockets and sears like an expertly thrown javelin while George Lynch demonstrates his virtuosic, ultra-melodic prowess as an axe man and Jeff Pilson and Mick Brown hold down the funk. Plus Dokken dueling Freddy Krueger is the most epic shit ever. One of the greatest cinematic and musical match ups ever.
Reverend Bizarre, Blood On Satan's Claw - 6.5/10, The bass has some serious tone and groove, so do the drums. Rhythmically smooth number with decent vocals. If the guitar were more prominent in some parts this would be even cooler. It would be improved by cutting some excess fat lengthwise too. Never seen the movie.
Hexx, Sardonicus - 8/10, Thunderous maelstrom of guitar opening on this one, awesome, the undulating riff is great too. Feral, animalistic vocals and crashy, blasting drums seal the deal in addition to a monster solo. Matches the film.
Crydebris, Mononoke Picture - 2/10, Garbage inhaled screeching transitioning in and out of bad, pitchy emo metal moaning while mindless, antiseptic screamo metal guitar, drum, and bass lines clamor along aimlessly and inchoately. Veritable anus bleed inducing trash. Only succeeds in receiving a two due to the shittiness of the song probably matching the shittiness of the useless animu crap it's based on.
Death, Evil Dead - 9/10, Dear sweet, buttery, chocolate-covered, titty-fucking Jesus H. Christ of Nazareth, yes. Chuck unequivocally rips on both vocals and guitar on this song, backed by a jittery, raging rhythm section, perfect tune for Ash to waste some undead shitbags to.
Godflesh, Dream Long Dead - 2/10, Ambling, tuneless zombie noise completely bereft of intriguing musicality in even one solitary fucking crevice. Never seen or heard of the most likely AIDS-tastic heap of festering carbuncles and cow shit it's based off of.
Satan's Host, Strongest of The Night - 7/10, Low-fi, fuzzy, and hectic riffing and vocals with a power metal twist. Badass, but I haven't seen the movie, so I have no clue of its thematic fidelity. That vocal crescendo at the end is unbelievable too.
Blood Freak, Gobble Up Your Guts Part 2: Revenge of The Turkey Monster - 5/10, Holy cow, my first thought on the sonic aesthetic, especially concerning the guitars is "death metal Ramones". Vocals are acceptable, and manage to stay away from total C is for cookie territory. Is sufficiently congruent with the film.
Blood Farmers, Headless Eyes - 7.5/10, Some genuinely fascinating doom metal, opening with skull crunching riffs and proceeding on to this laid back quasi-Black Sabbath, quasi-Jazz thing which I really love. Then back to the doom riffage. Strikes up a superb and direct connectivity with the film, even using voice samples from it. Changes itself up just enough to maintain itself as a convincing and attention-grabbing number. Goes full Sabbath 8 minutes in or so, and does it well.
Blind Guardian, Time What Is Time - 6.5/10, Far above average acoustic intro into a monstrous power metal gallop, which then slows down then accelerates again a little after the vocals kick in again. Growly yet tonally bright vocal performance from Kürsch, it impressed me. Sadly, I must confess the song overall is a little repetitive and aimless. Good track otherwise. Never seen the movie.
Deicide, Dead By Dawn - 7.5/10, Exquisite death metal, pure fucking musical lethality all channelled into one singular, ass-reaming barrage of badassery. Fits the movie to a tee.
Witchfinder General, Witchfinder General - 6.5/10, Top-notch doomy NWOBHM with swaggering, melodically awesome vocals and guitar. Never seen the movie, but it's presumably as gloriously campy as this song. Better in some parts than others, the guitars are mostly what carries it to a state of actual qualitative value.
Iced Earth, Damien - 9/10, Matt Barlow's a little goofy during the downpaced segments, but when that motherfucker lets loose? The very bowels of hell shit their drawers. Guitar work is epic, and pristinely phrased, same goes for the drumming and bass playing. Choral/piano combo at the end is serene. Entirely in sync with its filmic muse.
 
Their earlier stuff is nothing special. I think it's funny how the band is named after their least talented member. First album is just dry and boring, you can't have hair metal with no sheen or hooks. Tooth and Nail has a couple good songs, but it also has some absolute shit (like Just Got Lucky and Heartless Heart). Under Lock and Key might be ok, I haven't listened to that one in a long time, but I'm pretty sure it's still no Back for the Attack.