what do you do with yourself?

[EvilGenius]

Originally posted by On the Edge of Forever
Unh... I do nothing.

I apparently have a girlfriend.. (I've not seen her for about 13 months now and we only communicate through e-mails, really) and I suppose that in context of the question what do I do to stave off the darkness. Nothing. I just do nothing.

As much as I'd love to say that going through a depressive hell for the last year gave me more insight into life, I can't help but feel cheated out of happiness. Living through the darker side of life is just not what it's cracked up to be, the only insight I've gained from it is that NHS counsellors really suck, self-absorption is a drug and the so-called grandeur of melancholy is generally pathetic. There's nothing glorious about real misery.. but it's strangely compelling. The big irony of it all is that if I was actually doing anything constructive with my time during this period I would probably have never reached that low. So maybe it's my lesson to learn and spend more time on that job-hunting right now.. because really, anything is better than nothing.
I

"Apparently have a girlfriend?" Now that's an odd thing to say if I ever heard an odd statement haha No offence, it's just that I haven't even touched a girl in over two years, let alone communicated on a personal level with one. Whether it's only e-mail or not, I suppose it's something that should be appreiciated.

Seriously though, I'd say you've learned a lot from your miserable experience (and yet you're not bitter about it... good for you ), judging from this post alone. Go on, get out there, and create a cool fucking video-game! (I ask this as a favor: I love video games... it's all I have on my friday and saturday nights!).

 

[On the Edge of Forever]

Originally posted by EvilGenius
"Apparently have a girlfriend?" Now that's an odd thing to say if I ever heard an odd statement haha No offence, it's just that I haven't even touched a girl in over two years, let alone communicated on a personal level with one. Whether it's only e-mail or not, I suppose it's something that should be appreiciated.

It's an awkward situation... very awkward. A relationships go I don't think it could really be more distant emotionally, but that's just the way it is. Things have to be like this before they can be good again, just got to bite it down and face it head on.

As for working on a computer game.. hehe, yeah I'm doing C++ in my spare time to that end... See how it goes.

 

[my dying groom]

Originally posted by On the Edge of Forever
Living through the darker side of life is just not what it's cracked up to be, the only insight I've gained from it is that NHS counsellors really suck, self-absorption is a drug and the so-called grandeur of melancholy is generally pathetic. There's nothing glorious about real misery.. but it's strangely compelling.

Fortunately there aren't only extremes (condemnation / glorification of melancholy).
I wouldn't call any stage of my life or state of mind pathetic since it's my life and I like it the way it is. As long as you stay true to yourself there should be no emotional limit.

 

[EvilGenius]

Yes, it most definitely must be relative to the individual. Is there anything pathetic about productivity? No, there isn't. When I'm in good spirits, and it's available, I booze around and do little. When I'm in a darker mood, I work, work some more, and then feel better about the products, and then I booze again (if I have some around). If you ask me, I'd say it's a wonderful, circular habit!

 

[On the Edge of Forever]

To be honest melancholy is a more romantic word than I could have chosen, and it has much softer connotations. Ultimately I'm referring to clinical depression.

"As long as you stay true to yourself there should be no emotional limit"

Hmm, it was because I stayed true to myself, what I believe in and felt, that I reached the limit, so I'm not inclined to agree. If we lived in our own self-contained worlds I'd probably be more inclined to agree (as a general rule), but there's more to life than just ourselves and as such there's plenty of opportunity for inner conflict. Just my two cents.

 

[On the Edge of Forever]

Originally posted by EvilGenius
Yes, it most definitely must be relative to the individual. Is there anything pathetic about productivity? No, there isn't. When I'm in good spirits, and it's available, I booze around and do little. When I'm in a darker mood, I work, work some more, and then feel better about the products, and then I booze again (if I have some around). If you ask me, I'd say it's a wonderful, circular habit!

I didn't actually say there was anything pathetic about productivity, I was actually referring to self-absorption and complete abject misery...

Living through the darker side of life is just not what it's cracked up to be, the only insight I've gained from it is that NHS counsellors really suck, self-absorption is a drug and the so-called grandeur of melancholy is generally pathetic. There's nothing glorious about real misery

I digress way too much, it's one of my bad, self-absorbed habits.

Productivity can be a great thing... in fair measures and with realistic attitudes.

 

[EvilGenius]

Whoops, sorry. I never accused you of saying you were against productivity. I do disagree with you saying that "productivity can be a great thing..."; I believe it is always good. I doubt anyone acting unrealistic could be productive, and what's wrong with it in extreme measures?

 

[my dying groom]

Ultimately I'm referring to clinical depression.

Alright, then we are talking about different things. There's indeed no "positive side effect" in a serious psychological illness and I realize that one should be careful not to underestimate the vicious circle that might drag you too deep to climb out by yourself.

 

[Parabola]

Originally posted by ether
I undergo this kind of crisis quite often...
I'm quite moody, so sometimes I really get this feeling that everything I did so far has been useless and---well--thinking about my future... that scares me more than everything.
I should be happy now because thanks God I finished all my exams at university last year and a few weeks ago I finished my thesis as well, but now that I should look for a job and take a decision for my life...I really don't know what to do! I feel that all I've studied is worthless and I'm so scared to get into the "real world"!
Luckily enough I've still so many interests ( too many!!I don't have time to do everything I would like to do) that help me to go on! I own half of the most beautiful moments of my life to music, books and arts, then I would say nature, friends, interesting people and beauty in general. I like learning, from people, from books, from experience, from travels (I love travelling!) Helping people gives me a sense of fullfilment as well. Yet, I'm not 100% satisfied with my life, there are tons of things I regret I didn't do and so on, and I still haven't lost that terrible attitude that makes me see all negative...but with time I'm learning how to cope with life and how to find out a way to avoid useless suffering!

I feel quite the same at the moment. Last week I finished my studies - and - neither I know for certain if I chose useful subjects, nor what is going to come next. I´m feeling scared, too. Actually I should be glad ´cause finally I got my qualifications. It´s something I dreamt of some years ago. But now, I´m not sure... I don´t know what the future will bring. I don´t know where I would like to work, etc. And the most depressing thing is, I feel that a special period of life came to an end (and I´m getting old ). Maybe it will take some time to get over it.

 

[elric]

Originally posted by Parabola
I feel quite the same at the moment. Last week I finished my studies - and - neither I know for certain if I chose useful subjects, nor what is going to come next. I´m feeling scared, too. Actually I should be glad ´cause finally I got my qualifications. It´s something I dreamt of some years ago. But now, I´m not sure... I don´t know what the future will bring. I don´t know where I would like to work, etc. And the most depressing thing is, I feel that a special period of life came to an end (and I´m getting old ). Maybe it will take some time to get over it.

What did you study? Sounds like you at least enjoyed your time spent in that, which is a good thing... I guess you've just got to hope and assume though that the next period of your life will have just as many things to make it special. Hopefully things will work out for you...

 

[Parabola]

I studied geography, public law and danish.
It´s just hard to explain. To study is not the worst case, ´cause you can detail your time as you like. While working I guess everything will be much more inflexible. I´m afraid of the routine that appears sooner or later in a job.
But actually the most difficult thing to deal with is to "goodbye" to your friends. And I think although people intend to stay in contact, these good intentions won´t last very long. So I´ll see how things will work out.
But thank you, Elric, for your encouraging words.

 

[elric]

Yeah, with work things are a lot more inflexible, I'd guess (based on summer jobs, etc)... You've got to be there at specific times and all that... but an upside to this is, in general, after you're off work, you're free...No homework/papers/etc, so you can spend your time at home as you like. Say you get off work at 5, that gives you a good at least 5-7 hours of absolutely free time. At least, thats how I'd hope it would be... I guess many jobs though, you probably do need to bring work home, etc. As for saying goodbye to everyone, I know what you mean... Having just left high school a couple years ago and moved 3000 miles away from home, even with the best of friends from that time I'm in very little contact. Still though, you have to trust that if a relationship's strong enough, even if you don't talk as much, see each other too often, etc, the relationship will persist. Well, I hope that everything works out for you, and that things aren't as bad as you're fearing... Good luck!

 

[ether]

Originally posted by elric
Yeah, with work things are a lot more inflexible, I'd guess (based on summer jobs, etc)... You've got to be there at specific times and all that... but an upside to this is, in general, after you're off work, you're free...No homework/papers/etc, so you can spend your time at home as you like. Say you get off work at 5, that gives you a good at least 5-7 hours of absolutely free time. At least, thats how I'd hope it would be... I guess many jobs though, you probably do need to bring work home, etc. As for saying goodbye to everyone, I know what you mean... Having just left high school a couple years ago and moved 3000 miles away from home, even with the best of friends from that time I'm in very little contact. Still though, you have to trust that if a relationship's strong enough, even if you don't talk as much, see each other too often, etc, the relationship will persist. Well, I hope that everything works out for you, and that things aren't as bad as you're fearing... Good luck!

100% agreed!
I would add that then with work you will finally gain money (instead of paying to study)! It 's a great think to enjoy week ends without the constant thought of study!