Which way do you wipe your ass?

[rms]

A seinfeld quote I didn't recognize, what's wrong with me

 

[mutantllama]

I believe it was from one of the episodes where George and Jerry had a deal with NBC, and try to tell them their plan on the show about nothing.

 

[Ross]

I believe it was from one of the episodes where George and Jerry had a deal with NBC, and try to tell them their plan on the show about nothing.

awesome episode

 

[arg]

First of all I can't even go into this yet because we need to address the vastly neglected issue of TP + water. From the starting point, most TP is nasty, wimpy, and leaves pieces behind within my masculine and foresty steel muscle-gates. A superior solution is as follows.

A firm and intentful wipe is necessary to remove the first layer of outward fecal matter, and this will not do with gay-grade TP... industrial strength grocery store TP, or a good old fashioned paper towel is required. Once this is established, it is time to discuss the issue of h20. Wet wiping followed by a dry ending is imperative to a satisfactory clean. This is another obstacle encountered by the typical weak TP.. a simple dab will convert it into the sad pulp it once was. However, it must be noted that for this to be possible in a public place, the disabled stall must be accessed. The John Wayne grade TP or the paper towel must be quickly passed through hot water..once, twice perhaps..for the perfect folded dampness..and then applied to the soiled area. Too much water may cause dripping, which will deter underwear comfort level later, but too little water will clean too little, so the right amount must be mastered. After each wipe, the paper must be closely viewed. The paper will be folded over, and if needed, made wet once more, until the subsequent viewing yields no color. After this is successful, a dry paper must be finally wiped with to remove all excess moisture to prevent any ironic aftermath of jungle rot. You are now ready to exit the facility cleaner than your fellow man. Flush with consideration; some paper matter does not go down so well.

you are right about damp wiping, but access to water is not always available. that's why i have a pack of those wet, scented baby wipes in my bag for asswiping goodness.

but if no other option is available, the feeble-type toilet paper can be folded multiple times, so the fecal matter doesnt seep into your hands.

it is also a good idea to clean at least 1/2 inch into your rectum by poking it with your pointy finger (covered by tp or wipes of course).

 

[Krigloch the Furious]

nothing better than shitting, wiping the ass, then taking a shower

 

[mutantllama]

Fuck why did I come to this thread when I'm eating soup. That is brown.

 

[Krigloch the Furious]

especially when you wipe and it smears instead of collecting the brown love.

 

[Orion Crystal Ice]

it is also a good idea to clean at least 1/2 inch into your rectum by poking it with your pointy finger (covered by tp or wipes of course).

or you could always get one of those blue things for cleaning earwax and just squirt a bunch up there and eject it a few times after wiping, rendering you an apex of clean and ever ready for impromptu/surprise rimming.














no homo

 

[mutantllama]

especially when you wipe and it smears instead of collecting the brown love.

Fuck you

 

[viewerfromnihil]

the other day i had diarrhea so i took some pills to make it go away and it went away... but then i didn't poop for 3 days

 

[Ender Rises]

Who the fuck voted "I don't wipe"?

EDIT: nvm, I don't want to know.

 

[Vimana]

I think that was me.

 

[seedofvengeance]

Predictable.

 

[Valerie]

Children don't know how to use toilet paper?

 

[wolf]

I heard if wipe too aggressively or upwards you can get fischers?

 

[Ross]

I took the most epic shit today. It was literally the struggle of my life, the shit as too big to get out of my asshole. I decided to try and spread by cheeks wider apart, no luck. i tried brutal force, no luck. eventually i did the suck in suck out motion until it finally came storming out of my anus releasing a huge splash of water to go all over my ass.

 

[viewerfromnihil]

holy shit ross

I heard if wipe too aggressively or upwards you can get fischers?

what the hell is fischers?

 

[Zephyrus]

I think he meant 'fissures'.

 

[viewerfromnihil]

oh, in that case, yes you can, i've ripped my butt crack open before from wiping too hard

 

[harmonic_minor_shred]

I took the most epic shit today. It was literally the struggle of my life, the shit as too big to get out of my asshole. I decided to try and spread by cheeks wider apart, no luck. i tried brutal force, no luck. eventually i did the suck in suck out motion until it finally came storming out of my anus releasing a huge splash of water to go all over my ass.