NF: Well, just saw RotK, and all I have to say is...
BEST MOVIE EVER MADE. PERIOD. HANDS DOWN.
Like, as in, everyone else can just stop making movies. Cause they'll suck by comparison.
Otherwise though, I'm feeling like complete shit. So fucking depressed. I can't seem to express anything but anger and despair whenever I open my mouth, and so the attempts at keeping a good friendship between me and my ex after our most recent break-up have ended in me flipping out probably about 4 times, unintentionally, and not meaning to make her so upset, and now she doesn't want to even hear my voice again. It's upsetting. She was so nice to me, barring a few poignant memories, and all I could do was treat her like shit. I never wanted to lose her as a friend, on top of that, and it seems I've gone and fucked that up too.
Oddly, the relationship wasn't the cause of it, though it may have had a hand. In one of the last discussions we had, she told me that I can't try and make other people happy if I'm not happy myself. I've been trying to figure out why I'm so upset and it keeps coming back to what I'm doing. I keep wondering if I want to be an engineer at all. I hate everything about the school I'm in, and I hate all the people in it. (well, most... like 2 or 3 are nice) I just wonder if I'm cut out for this kinda thing. I mean, I can't really handle the stress associated with it... I think sometimes its that I'm lazy, but then I don't know that I wanna be so stressed all the time if I don't even like the subject matter. Like I absolutely hate math now, and I'm in danger of failing it for the second time in a row (took Calc 2 last semseter, retook over summer, just took Diff Eq , and probably bombed the final), and being an EE doesn't really lead to an escape from that, oh... ever.
I think about what I like doing and what I'd like to do. I think to myself that my brother and I could probably write really good books someday, but I don't even know if I'd have the talent to do something like that. Its really all I like... fantasy, novels, and RPG's, besides my comp, of course. I just wonder what I'd ever do with myself and what kind of job I'd ever get, etc. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore or what to make of myself. I have no goals, no aspirations. I feel like such a drifter. I'm hoping its just a phase I'll pop out of once I hit vacation, but this time I'm not so sure.
Anyway, thats me at the moment.
~Kovenant
edit: Ok, scrap the whole "she was great to me" thing. She just came over about an hour ago, we got into a huge fight, name calling, my calling her a slut, etc, for cheating on me twice and then hooking up with the same guy in october and wanting me back a few weeks later, etc. It even came to blows. (I mostly just threatened, and defended myself). So we're definitely not on good terms. At all. In any way. And boy don't I feel peachy now. :Smug:
-how sweet.
