Not-so-good-and-old "How do you feel" thread

[hyena]

@tranquillian: what do you mean by the tax return getting approved? sorry, but i have no knowledge of the swedish fiscal system and i'm curious. here you don't have formal approval of your tax return; if there's errors or lies in it, you know 10 years later, when some guy in a uniform tries to arrest you.

 

[Northern Lights]

NF: tired, freezing, very bad mood, etc. I just want to go and hide. I think I'll give up drinking for now; the initial part of the intoxication is fun, but when it begins to get old and wear off and turns into the day after I become a bitch with severe mood swings, overreacting to everything. And that is not fun.
I'll crawl under a blanket with some coffee now. Or I'll make lemon pie. Whichever is least annoying

 

[The Grand Wazoo]

Pie! Pie! Pie!

 

[Siren]

@DIM: I'm sorry, hope things get better for you soon.

NF: not much, will be going to the cinema later, i don't expect it to be a thrill, but at least the day will pass. It seems days are getting longer and longer, and not just because the sun stays more time up in the sky.

 

[Salamurhaaja]

NF:

archaeological dig uncovers ancient race of skeleton people

 

[JackhammerRape]

I'll crawl under a blanket with some coffee now. Or I'll make lemon pie. Whichever is least annoying

oooh... teh lemon pie!!! makes us teh lemon pie!!! it is my precious....

 

[Naku ist krig]

NF: Great.. Weekend went off quickly, which is pity. I was boozing myself yesterday.. i had excellent time. But somehow i have this feeling that my english is like a wounded mexican today. sorry
*needs to get some sleep*

 

[Northern Lights]

oooh... teh lemon pie!!! makes us teh lemon pie!!! it is my precious....

& @Waz:


I made teh pie. I'll stick a piece in an envelope and send. Hopefully it'll reach you before the insects and the postmen (which, when you think of it, are pretty much the same thing) have eaten it all...

 

[Rusty]

NF: To say I've done absolute bugger all since Thursday evening, I'm bloody drained. How the hell do you (yes, all of you) take your mind off the crap stuff that happens?? Seems like I can never stop thinking about such things. Hmm...

 

[Naku ist krig]

nf: laugihng at some pictures .. taken yesterday

 

[rahvin]

How the hell do you (yes, all of you) take your mind off the crap stuff that happens?? Seems like I can never stop thinking about such things. Hmm...

i can't. some sick stuff will haunt me to my grave, and there's reruns in my head almost every night. still, it doesn't really concern me so i suppose i should be happier than those it affects directly. i gave up on trying to take my mind off those things, i currently accept that it's a part of my rather self-destructive nature. however, i do suggest you shamelessly look for care and assistance on the part of those who can and are willing to provide. the quest for it keeps you busy, and the occasional success will get you some temporary solace.

 

[hyena]

well, i personally end up not being really taken down by the afwul things that happen around me. not that i do it consciously, but i think that the card up my sleeve is the constant projection towards something that can spawn hope, be the idea of getting a new and cooler job, having kids, seeing my friends after some time away, seeing places of the world i haven't seen yet, having sex... as i said, i don't do it on purpose, it just happens. show me tragedy, i'll build you a world. tragedy is part of the deal anyway.

 

[Rusty]

however, i do suggest you shamelessly look for care and assistance on the part of those who can and are willing to provide. the quest for it keeps you busy, and the occasional success will get you some temporary solace.

The trouble is, I can never do this shamelessly. I'll always feel guilty about it. And also if I mention that I'm not feeling good in any sort of conversation, I'll then be asked "why??", and it's not something I feel comfortable talking about with the vast majority of the people I know. And the people I do feel comfortable talking to have enough problems of their own, in most cases worse problems, so I'll never want to hog the conversation with tales of my woes when that's the case.

 

[rahvin]

show me tragedy, i'll build you a world.

show me a world, i'll be cheerfully unfolding my pic-nic table upon the gentle slopes of its most beautiful hills the moment it crumbles into dust.

@rusty: i understand, and i certainly would rule out trying to open up with the people who need protection themselves. it's cruel, but it's nothing you can help and bringing each other down is no solution for anyone. it would probably be different if said people had the determination to share a lot with you, and contribute in building a system of virtuous circles, where everybody's attempt to make the other feel better turns into personal gratification and striving to live a happier life, but this would only happen in a relationship, of the serious kind, and not even every time.
so stick to those who can take some of the weight off of you, even though they're probably not completely your cup of tea, at least until a better option is very clear in front of your eyes.
as for the embarrassment in asking, well, no one likes to admit to weakness. but as long as you cover your ass (...) so that you can't be blackmailed forever with it, you'll be doing fine.

 

[hyena]

@rusty: what rahvin said, and more. today a friend of mine (@rahve: paola) was listening to my complex existential complaints, and at some point i just told her i thought she'd had enough of my rambling, and we'd better switch topics. this is SCM stuff, but i also felt it at the moment. to my astonishment, she replied: well, i know this is not going to be a welcome revelation for you, but i'm kind of happy i'm getting double dose of profound considerations on life. (the reason of it not being welcome is another story altogether). to sum up: sometimes people even like to hear our thoughts.

on a different note, some things in the world are falling into place tonight. i might have mentioned my former university mentor on this board a while ago - he's suffering from cancer and steadily resisting, but this is not the point. he's been a church-hating atheist for all his life, and he does not intend to switch sides now that he needs to look eternity in the face - which under some respects can be honorable, although i find it a bit rigid. anyway, with all his bashing of catholics, he's made friends with the new bishop of the city he lives in, and now said bishop is an addition to his sunday lunches, normally encompassing a whole load of interesting people. knowing the guy, this is pretty much teh astonishment, and makes me wonder once again why many people are not struck by lightning. don't see the connection? well, when i was a teen and attending high school it seemed that the right thing to do was dissenting from the concept of hierarchy itself, especially the military, religious, and generally speaking institutional one. if you didn't agree, you were either a dangerous fascist, or a weak mind being brainwashed by a vast right-wing conspiracy.of course, the fact that people get somewhere in life because there is a point to them is so obvious that anybody who believes the contrary should be struck by lightning. but no, there was no way of getting out of those mental schemes. and i haven't said anything on the other nature of this fact, since it would be pure opinion, while what i just said should be evident to everyone.

 

[Tranquillian]

@tranquillian: what do you mean by the tax return getting approved? sorry, but i have no knowledge of the swedish fiscal system and i'm curious. here you don't have formal approval of your tax return; if there's errors or lies in it, you know 10 years later, when some guy in a uniform tries to arrest you.

I am gonna ask for money back on the taxes I've paid because I had to drive 250 km in total to and from work every day (not that I did but in theory I could have). The problem here lies in proving that I did live at my parents during 10 months of last year which I didn't. I forgot to send the proper paper to the tax office so they believe I've lived much much closer to my work than I actually did (which I in fact did but I intend to fool them that I didn't). I am hoping to get about 1700 euros back this way. And I am not ashamed of cheating the system this way for a number of reasons.

 

[hyena]

said reasons being?

 

[Tranquillian]

I don't want to go into that. Let's just say I need the money.

 

[Rusty]

@Rahvin and Hyena: I'll give something like that a go. Whichever comes first, that is. And by give it a go I mean I'll take the opportunity if it comes, but I'll not force it... and even then I'll still feel guilty as sin.

NF: Dizzy. Because I want to defragment my harddrive (which was only 13% optimised), I've moved my computer into the spare bedroom so I can leave it going overnight and not be kept awake by the sound of it chuntering away. However, the monitor doesn't fit on the desk in this spare room, and so it's on the floor. There is no space to sit even on a chair in front of the monitor, so I'm sat on the reasonably high bed instead, with the keyboard on my knee and the mouse on a child's book beside me. This set up really isn't good for me, so I think I'm going to bed pretty soon before I pass out here... although that actually sounds quite tempting since I'd be unconscious a hell of a lot quicker than if I tried normal sleep.

 

[Rusty]

Only it looks like I won't be going to bed right now because it looks as if my clever brother has decided to start taking heroin again, so I'll be staying up and waiting for him to return, fielding calls from his girlfriend, and making sure he rings her when/if he comes in, and also trying not to get so livid with him in the meantime that I kill the fucker myself on first sight of him.

EDIT: And a couple of minutes later he came in, I managed not to kill him, gave him the phone, and ran back to hide upstairs. Now I'll go to bed.