Not-so-good-and-old "How do you feel" thread

[Caelestia]

nf: everything he said from 'i should really go to bed' onward, minus the dad part.

 

[rahvin]

and the sun comes over us again. well, skies are overcast today, but anyway.

last night - before all the fluffy climate on the board - i went out drinking with a friend (alfred) and we ended up in a club close to my place. at some point a faucet started leaking badly and the floor got covered in water. a waitress and another girl, who apparently owns the place, started trying to dry the place up while waiting for some plumber to arrive. after watching them going at it for about half an hour i decided i would have hated to just have people staring at me working if i had been in my library trying to save the place from drowning. so i got up and went there to help with the little means i had. i ended up drinking for free, but a grand total of about three beers due to my being otherwise busy for most of the time.

as for how i'm feeling, i'm mostly trying not to. i notice how i've changed in the past months: once i would have been much more eager to let go regardless of the prospect of hurt, while now i feel a stronger need to protect myself with some armour of coldness (+2 ), to the point that i don't even wear it as a consequence of some choice: it appears all by itself and it shields my emotions for better or worse.

@fireangel: aww. i was just joking, of course you can edit/remove whatever you want. my prose wasn't that good anyway.

 

[Miolo]

i ended up drinking for free, but a grand total of about three beers due to my being otherwise busy for most of the time.

so that's what you have to do in order to drink for free. the next time a waitress spills three drinks on me, i'll flood the place.

 

[rahvin]

so that's what you have to do in order to drink for free. the next time a waitress spills three drinks on me, i'll flood the place.

right, i had forgot about that misadventure of yours. this in turn reminds me of an ex girlfriend of mine faking to be pissed off while we were sitting at a bar's table, getting up and pretending to leave the scene dramatically, thinking for a whole minute about some more tragic gesture to add to the pantomime, and then slowly and determinedly upturning a glass of water on the table, in what was possibly the slowest and least believeable fit of rage in the history of humanity.

 

[|ngenius]

need to protect myself with some armour of coldness

Yeah, that's what three beers can accomplish just by themselves. You end up feeling like a member of Metallium (eeks) when you're reaching the fifth.

As for the rest, lucky you are with a change, I think I've kept on stumbling with the same fuckin' stones for years.



|ng.

 

[rahvin]

@|ng: i'm not sure it's a change for the better, though. i sort of liked my naive and trustful self a little better. it sure used to end up being trampled every other week, but at least it didn't miss on the chance of being open with others. of course we're talking open to injury, but who cares?

 

[Caelestia]

i wear my heart on my sleeve most of the time, and i get injured, well, most of the time, but like an idiot i keep charging back for more. the battlescars are quite pretty.

 

[hyena]

@|ng: at the thought of looking like a member of Metallium. Actually drinks get me more fluffy, not less.

How do I feel? Look at this: last night I had dinner with soulmate and two friends. At some point, i went to the bathroom. When I got back to the room where the rest were, he was saying something to the effect of "I'm good for nothing, as usual". He does a lot of the self-loathing thing, I ask for explanations, he never gives them. I did ask again. He avoided the question. I said: you're annoying, you bait me all the time with these phrases and never explain. He said: i'm not baiting anyone, it's you always going for the hooks without any bait on them, just because they hurt. Or something to that effect. I literally saw my blood running in front of me. How am I supposed to feel? I told him he was being horrible, and he said I shouldn't take it badly. Yeah fucking right.

Today it's just rest, rest, relax. Tomorrow I'm seeing him again for the best part of the night. Yee-haw. :/

 

[rahvin]

@hyena: well, we'll talk soon, but let me start here. there is no excuse for such remarks on his part. let's not even get into the matter at hand: harsh responses to obvious manifestations of interest are plain carelessness in action. were you trying to bring him down? were you manipulating his words to your own advantage? nope. you wanted to hear the full story, plunge into the dark recesses of his mind without a snorkel and never come up for air again, if possible. how this could be lost to someone who's entertaining a score of hapless women breathing down his neck and up his navel (sorry), i'll never know.
the name of the game is, he thinks you might become annoying because you care. and it takes too much energy for him to clarify himself at your benefit: a state of poetic confusion suits him better than the higher ground of understanding you purport and solicit with your input. this of course takes us back to the scourge of the century (which century? which scourge?): cowardice. and it's much too late for us to feign tolerance in the face of what we most despise: to all those who want to sit back and enjoy the comfortable, pitiful ride while we offer 10x, well, too bad.

 

[hyena]

well, you made me laugh with the cowardice bit, since i thought back to that famous e-mail i got on the subject two years ago (if it was in english i'd post it here for everyone's entertainment. do you want to try your hand at translation?).

you also almost made me cry with the never come up for air again bit because it's oh so true.

i also think that in a way i made the same mistake last night because he casually mentioned his political affinity with the 1968 movements and i made evil faces, plus he said he wanted to go to today's demonstration and i said something to the effect of stop consorting with the enemy (and no, i was not talking about heather love this time). it was a good night as far as lack of acceptance goes. i know i'm doing that to clarify and avoid future spats - if he knows from day one (well, one...) that i'm a dangerous fascist (hahaha) it's more honest, but still i was unnecessarily harsh. who was the killer? there's way too many communication problems, and i don't even know anymore if coming out with a full essay on my feelings could help. in a way, i see why he wouldn't talk to me about his girlfriend: i keep as silent as a jellyfish when my own sentimental life is concerned, and if he doesn't see my game he's bound to think that i don't trust him. how ludicrous.

 

[rahvin]

(if it was in english i'd post it here for everyone's entertainment. do you want to try your hand at translation?).

might do it later today, i have fuck all to do this week-end/lifetime. just fwd it to me again. we'll start a new thread with it, it's just too funny.

i also think that in a way i made the same mistake last night because he casually mentioned his political affinity with the 1968 movements and i made evil faces, plus he said he wanted to go to today's demonstration and i said something to the effect of stop consorting with the enemy (and no, i was not talking about heather love this time). it was a good night as far as lack of acceptance goes.

one thing is being direct when it comes to something else, be it politics or your views on pineapples - god knows i'd be quite outspoken on that - and quite another if the object of the discussion is yourselves. i might get in your face with someone who cares for me when it comes to, say, music, but i'd hardly do it if she's trying to take an interest in my personality.

i keep as silent as a jellyfish when my own sentimental life is concerned, and if he doesn't see my game he's bound to think that i don't trust him. how ludicrous.

well, you keep silent because the other option is saying: "oh, everything would be quite fine if i could just have you, ya know?" in a very offhand way, then dropping off a cliff in a likewise offhand way.

 

[hyena]

i'm sorely tempted to do just that, but i'm not sure if i could find a cliff in this city. i'm going out to buy smokes then i'd call you. ok?

 

[Ormir]

@Everyone: Hi

Well, it was quite serious after all, I just came back from a few days of vacation at the hospital, down with myocarditis again. They say it looks like this could develop into something chronic, making permanent damage likely... Anyhow, I'm feeling pretty ok things considered, although I would kill for a Chesterfield red right now (the last cigarette pack I bought had the text "cigarettes clog veins and cause heart attacks").

 

[hyena]

@ormir:

 

[rahvin]

@hyena: make it half an hour from now.
sorry everybody else for the pettiness of it all.

@ormir: you stop smoking right now, you hear me? and take good care of your health else i won't wub you anymore.

 

[fireangel]

@hyena: well, we'll talk soon, but let me start here. there is no excuse for such remarks on his part. let's not even get into the matter at hand: harsh responses to obvious manifestations of interest are plain carelessness in action. were you trying to bring him down? were you manipulating his words to your own advantage? nope. you wanted to hear the full story, plunge into the dark recesses of his mind without a snorkel and never come up for air again, if possible. how this could be lost to someone who's entertaining a score of hapless women breathing down his neck and up his navel (sorry), i'll never know.
the name of the game is, he thinks you might become annoying because you care. and it takes too much energy for him to clarify himself at your benefit: a state of poetic confusion suits him better than the higher ground of understanding you purport and solicit with your input. this of course takes us back to the scourge of the century (which century? which scourge?): cowardice. and it's much too late for us to feign tolerance in the face of what we most despise: to all those who want to sit back and enjoy the comfortable, pitiful ride while we offer 10x, well, too bad.

hyena:
I fully agree on that. Though I would not have written it so


rahvin:
you know why I deleted it. But feel free to send me the prose anyways

ormir: take good care!

 

[Caelestia]

@Ormir: My dad has a heart condition (he had to quit smoking) and it's an issue that constantly weighs down on the family. Take care of yourself, ok?

 

[Miolo]

@ormir: take care of your health. please.

 

[Sunjammer]

NF: Pretty okay. Still unmotivated and generally down, but hey... There's no way but up when you've struck the bottom, right?

 

[Arch]

NF: Had a great b-day and I feel great.