Will you be ashamed of metal when you become middle aged?

[speed]

As I get older (24), I cannot help but come to the conclusion that eventually I will stop listening to metal, and most likely be ashamed of metal. I figure, as a older man, maybe with a family, do I need to be cranking up metal? More importantly, will I be allowed to listen to metal, by my future wife if there is one, (yes it seems we men in this present age, have lost a few rights to women these days) surely the wife will argue that hearing such music cannot be good for the development of the child, and surely she will win this argument. Will just listening to metal become embarrasing? Can one imagine a 40 year old married man with kids cranking up Deicide etc- will he have to crank up metal secretly in the basement?

Will I even want to listen to metal anymore? Metal is about angst, rebellion, power, aggression, musical talent, and the metal community. WIll I still be pissed off at the world, as I was as a teenager or young adult? I am sure I will be, but I most likely will be far more subtle about it, and will be far more accepting of the faults of the world, that I wont need metal to help anymore.

One thing I am certain about, is that I will still listen to certain bands whose music transcends metal- such as Isis, neurosis, anathema, Opeth, Ulver, arcturus, katatonia, and even Devin Townsend- bands that are about more than formulaic aggression, and more about living breathing music.

So, I ask the board am I the only one that thinks this way- surely at the present moment it sounds odd that one would stop listening to metal- but 20 years from now, such a question would not be odd at all.

 

[Hatebreeder33]

maybe, but i don't listen to bands i'm embarrassed about.

 

[Orion Crystal Ice]

Well first of all brother I must say that if I were you I really wouldn't marry a chick who wasn't at least 90% like me..... no point in being with someone the rest of your life who doesn't at least share your tastes right? I always find it sad with couples when it's, you go do your thing, I'll go do mine. Where's the unity?

Anyway..let's see...Eh......I guess this question applies differently to different people. For example my life and profession is a musician and that's all I do, and the main thing I will always do. So music being out of my life is out of the question. Metal, I don't know but I highly doubt it. First of all I'm a very intense kind of person, and that goes with the passion for the things I do, and of course the rebellion, angst, attitude etc..those feelings go hand in hand so if I ever lose my passion (which is very unlikely) then I will probably not be interested in metal anymore. But even then I think I'd still be listening to it for the sheer musicianship presented - I figure so, at least. Like I said though.......this is what I am, it's hard to speak about because music and metal in particular is so embedded in me that I can't ever see myself not getting up and getting excited blasting Running Wild or WatchTower or Rhapsody or Opeth or whatever else, the stuff I listen to... again, it's a matter of passion for me, and I have a theory that most people with a certain level of intellect tend to listen to something they can relate to - if I lose my passion I'll no longer be able to relate to most of what metal has to offer and thus will put a damper on my listening. And the whole prospect of losing one's passion is pretty scary and detestable to me....it seems like it must be like being dead...so.........guess that'll just add some more fuel to my rebellion Gotta oppose deathly tendancies!!

 

[Life Sucks]

I don't think I'll ever stop listening to metal. You listen to the music you grow up with all your life, and when you're older, it is considered "old people's music" by the younger generation. The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and even Elivis were considered exremely rebellious for theit their time, and the 50 something year olds that grew up with them are still listening to them, while it is viewd as "old music" by today's youger generation. It will be the same with metal. Metal, todays rap, todays punk, etc. will be considered "old music" by our kids, while they will be listening to whatever they chose from their era. The only difference with metal is some of the bands that actually sing about killing people and satanism (Cannibal Corpse, Deicide) may not be good to expose your young children to for obvious reasons. I will listen to metal all my life. And at the rate I'm going, I'll probably never get married, so I don't have to worry about the effects of my listening to metal on my kids.

 

[skeptik]

I don't see myself ever not listening to Metal, although I'm only 16 right now. Metal is not always about rebellion and angst, etc., at least for some bands. No matter what emotions I have, I have a Metal soundtrack to accompany it. And as Orion has pointed out, it is 1) A question of who you are, what you do, etc., and 2) A matter of your 'stamina' or so to speak, how long you hold that passion. I too share Orion's view of losing passion; it is like a death. Maybe not the final death, but the death of part of your core, part of who you are, or at least who you were before you go into a new reformation in later years that excludes Metal. Also, people tend to listen to whatever they listened to as children anyway. The elders now, who's parents hated what they listened to, now listen to the same music, and now it is the music that the parents love, because they, who once were the children, are now the adults, as we all will be, and if not parents, at least adults. So there is another argument in the support of everlasting Metal, though no one will know until our passions are tested by age, time, and wives.

Edit: And as you can see, I'm not the only one who sees this.

 

[Ultimate_Symphony]

Hell no!! hehe. I've been pondering this for quite a long time now, how the hell am I going to deal with a chick that probably won't like metal? I would love to have a wife that liked metal (or at least some bands) but that's not very likely. Since my life revolves around music a lot I probably won't stand a wife that starts bitching because i'm listening to metal all day (or playing). I can see why you feel this way, though. Metal has probably been a facet in your early life and I can see why a lot of people won't listen to metal when they get older, I assume that those people don't share the level of passion for the music of those who still listen to metal when they are 40 or 50 (odd, isn't it? ) I surely won't crank up the music on a basement, though. I want to share my interests openly with my kids, I feel that with metal they can have a more realistic view of the world. Explaining some of the lyrics to them and debating could be very useful, that way they won't be so naive to judge everything that's not ''normal''.

 

[Timmeth]

Why would you be ashamed of something you like? Is it an image thing, or...?

 

[the alumnus]

you are a sad person. you would easily sacrifice something you love dearly just because a woman says "i don't like it". why not make her give up her ricky martin? i don't see how "she bangs" is any worse for child development than "living after midnight". and if you marry a woman that would demand you sacrifice something you love, that is sad. who would want to end up with that sort of bitch? what sort of man are you that you need permission to listen to music?

 

[speed]

Good to see someone is with me (Ultimate Symphony) on these thoughts of mine.

ALot of people have said they will always love metal- that maybe the case- but it is so hard to know what you will listen to when you become much older. How many of us, will give into society when they are older, and state that metal was just a teenage- young adult phase? I suspect that a large majority of metal fans will give in. If you dont give in, it seems you become one of those out of place old men at a metal concert- guys that dont fit in. Maybe Metallica, and other bands like Priest, Maiden, Deth- all have given in and should recognize this fact from all of their recent 10 years of albums- its the realization that they are playing music for the young- and they just dont have it anymore.

Yet, Life Sucks makes a good point, One does see older adults at the concerts of bands that were big when they were young- or the hair metal bands. Still if one talks to these adults or goes to one of these concerts- it is clear that the concert is the one time the adults can go back to being like a kid again- on any normal day, they dont dress or even talk all that much about the bands they loved when they were young, no they worry about their kids, their meaningless jobs, vacations, politics, and other mundane stuff. Whent the adults go to a concert, it is almost as if they were rediscovering their youth- I think we all have parents who act this way- or know of older adults that act this way.


It sucks that we have to get old doesnt it? It sucks that once we hit 40 or 50, society, wives, our jobs- will most likely frown upon us listening to metal. I am reminded of the Episode of the Simpsons- when Homer realizes he is no longer up with the current music crowd- nor has kept up with his old faves, despite the fact thjat he swore hen he was 18, he would stay cool.

 

[Voice of God]

surely the wife will argue that hearing such music cannot be good for the development of the child

She would? Even though she married a guy who has listened to metal for decades?

But to the question itself. No, I wouldn't be ashamed of it. I don't know if I'll listen to metal when I'm 40, that's 18 years from now and I've listened about 10-11 years already. My taste of music has developed a lot as I've grown older, and it will develop still. At the moment, I can't see how it could develop completely out of metal, but I guess it's possible. Anyway, I think now that some of the stuff I listened when I was 10-13 was horrible crap, but I'm not ashamed of it. It's just that I liked it then. I would be a lot more ashamed of listening to music I don't like, just because the society and family doesn't accept the music I do like. So if I like metal when I'm 40 with (4th )wife and kids, I'll be sure to crank up that Dissection right in my living room. And I don't have to worry about the lyrics, because no finnish kid will understand english growling.
And I what comes to the situation that my future girlfriend/wife wouldn't like the music I like, then that's her problem. She has to accept me like I am, because I won't be demanding any changes from her. Nobody will ever be perfect in all aspects, and that's the way I like people to be.

 

[Lycanthrope]

I turn 31 this month and my wife turns 41 in September. We also became parents in January. We both still listen to metal and always will. We play metal (as well as many other types of music) for our daughter on a regular basis. As soon as she gains a little more motor control, I'm gonna teach her how to put up the horns! \m/

 

[SculptedCold]

My parents and grandparents have long fired this sort of question at me, and my answer is always the same.

The way I see it is that most people are initially attracted to metal because of the discovery of the violence/rebellion/aggression etc. If one keeps listening to metal, two things will happen; 1- that person always has the anger inside of them that lets them appreciate the raw energy of metal, but these people are rare (and become rarer with age =) or 2- the person listening eventually sees past/through all the anger of the music. (either because of the law of diminishing returns or because of a lifestyle alteration) The latter (2) entails two subsequent possibilities; a) the person was going through a 'stage' whereby their main interest in the music was indeed the aggression, and when they lost that they lost interest, or b) the person by this time has developed a further and more sophisticated interest in the music, whether it be performance, appreciation of aesthetic etc.

That's my theory anyway, and I fall under 2 b); I lost almost all the primal emotional reaction to the aggression of metal probably almost a year ago, and now I appreciate it as a skillfull and relatively complex musical form, which includes my ensured lifelong interest in its aesthetic, performance and intellectual meaning.

So, nope, metal for life.


(that's asides from the fact i've spent about 3 grand on it in two years - i've forced my future self to like it! )

 

[Psychonaut]

Great thread! I have thought about this on several occasions. I'm 32 now so I consider myself over that "you'll grow out of it" hump. I don't listen to metal because I'm pissed off at the world or anything. I'm a generally happy person and I enjoy the little world I have created around me. I listen to metal because I love it. My long time girlfriend doesn't hate it but she got used to it. Had she told me it was the music or her in the beginning, I would currently be single. Should we decide to have kids, I won't stop listening to it because I don't see any other type of music to switch to. I won't listen to contemporary christian music because it's more socially acceptable or because I don't want my kids growing up singing "Jesus Christ, Sodomized". In fact, I couldn't give less of a fuck what is socially acceptable. If I'm an outcast at PTA meetings because I show up in a Behemoth shirt, I won't cry myself to sleep at night. What will probably really happen is that my kids will hate the shit and they'll grow up listening to something that I hate and don't understand. It's just how it goes. I find it hard to imagine that I'll be 50 years old and eagerly awaiting Decapitated's 14th album but I know I'll be listening to metal tomorrow and the day after that. What comes in 18 years I'll deal with when it gets here. I do find it a bit sad that you're worried about what you are listening to to the point where you have almost already decided to give it up. The way I look at it, I'm here for only a short time so I'm here for me. I'm going to do what I want, listen to what I want, and buy whatever I want because I don't want regrets. Call it selfish, but think about it.

 

[TvNewsShooter]

I'll be 39 (and hating it!!!) in 2 months. I can't say I'm a die hard metal head, mostly because of so many changes in bands and my busy life that I got lost in the mix. I came here to post a question (see....Power Metal), so I hope this is a sign of maybe slowing down a little bit, but never losing my soul.

 

[Stoner Sioux]

I don't think I will. As I get older I tend not to like some of the new bands that come out today. I'm 28 and I still love death metal, black metal, thrash metal, doom metal. I'm getting more into the melodic metal now like Opeth.

 

[Theredintheskyisours]

I might be ashamed of Black Metal when I grow old, but not Death Metal. I am still young (15, to be exact), so it is hard to tell wether or not if I will always keep listening to Metal.

 

[Incendiare]

I probably won't. I grew up on metal, so it's a permanent part of my life. Plus my mom, who is nearly 50 years old, listens to metal, so that is sheer proof a person cannot get tired of it.

 

[Ol' Dirty Bastard]

I've listened to whatever the fuck I want since as far back as I can remember. From A-ha, Winger, Dokken, Michael Jackson and Journey to Sigh, Ulver, My Dying Bride, Carcass and Bethlehem. I don't see that ever fucking changing. You are not what you listen to/wear/eat/fuck/watch/ect...

 

[Harp Heaven]

Excellent thread. I especially found the replies from the actual middle-aged persons here very interesting.

Having crossed the border of adulthood little over a week ago(18), I started to wonder what my future self will be like, musically speaking. You see, metal has never been my "only" genre. I`ve always listened to a lot of other music, from prog rock to jazz to techno. And lately, I`ve found myself drifting to those other genres and away from metal. Instead of Dream Theater, Symphony X, Dimmu Borgir, Cryptopsy and Threshold, bands like Steely Dan and Squarepusher have become my musical diet. The funny thing is that when I was very young, like 3-4 years old, my father played a lot of Manhattan Transfer, Chick Corea, Supertramp and other jazz music to me. The music I`m currently digging is a lot like that. The smooth, clean, jazzy sound sort of speaks to my heart more than metal does, unfortunately. I know there have been conducted studies that show that the first type of music you hear always holds a special appeal to you. Given this, I can imagine that 22 years from now, I won`t listen to much metal.

 

[Fourka]

I will be ashamed if I change my mind for whatever (not only music), just because someone else wants me too...Therefore, if I continue to be like I am now when I reach middle age, then I will SURELY listen to the same music as now. If my husband tells me to stop listening to it, then I would just tell him to F off and divorce him...my future "husband" should accept everything about me. And if it is about kids, then maybe I would consider not having any kids...Too much trouble to change myself when I don't want to and to bring a human being in life who maybe nice and cute and sweet in the beginning but maybe a very bad person in future....ahh...anyway....if though, I am a different person till then due to any circumsatnces (and I never say never), then who knows...? I may also become a lesbian...lol (that would be bad...)