Not-so-good-and-old "How do you feel" thread
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Child of Time
Voice of reason
hyena: I'm sorry. 
I hope things gets better in some way. *hug*
NF: How comes it always feels better before I read this thread? Is there really this much misery in our lives?
I hope things gets better in some way. *hug*NF: How comes it always feels better before I read this thread? Is there really this much misery in our lives?
fireangel
Member
MagSec4
.:..::.: :.::..:.
Damn..
I'm sorry rahvin, I'm sorry Hearse, I'm sorry Kovenant, I'm sorry Siren, I'm sorry Hazard, and I'm terribly sorry hyena.
Child of Time, smack some sense into yourself, don't let it get you too man.
Best of wishes to you all.
I'm sorry rahvin, I'm sorry Hearse, I'm sorry Kovenant, I'm sorry Siren, I'm sorry Hazard, and I'm terribly sorry hyena.
Child of Time, smack some sense into yourself, don't let it get you too man.
Best of wishes to you all.
NF 
I had to take Candy to the vet yesterday, turned out she had a lung infection, and her heart is not functioning that well either, the vet said shell be fine but that she had broken down due to age, and that we ll have to take very good care of her (purified water, always wear a sweater, soft food) and hope she lasts another two years 
I had to take Candy to the vet yesterday, turned out she had a lung infection, and her heart is not functioning that well either, the vet said shell be fine but that she had broken down due to age, and that we ll have to take very good care of her (purified water, always wear a sweater, soft food) and hope she lasts another two years 
ouagadougou
average stalker
OMG Candyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy <3 <3 hug her for me will you Thanny
everyone seems to be feeling rather shitty best wishes to all of you
i wish there was something we could do..
tai jossain tapauksissa ehkä pelkkä rahakin riittäs
<3 <3 hug her for me will you Thannyeveryone seems to be feeling rather shitty
best wishes to all of you*hugs*Hearse said:Apparently
NF: depressed, sad and frustrated
i wish there was something we could do..hahah tee seQsilver said:Ellen sitten spiken tapaan tarjoa suullisia palveluita yöpymispaikkaa vastaan
tai jossain tapauksissa ehkä pelkkä rahakin riittäsnf: a bit better, but i am not going to work tomorrow either. i just don't want to live through a hacking cough for the next two weeks.
i'm glad that i found a CD i thought long lost with the whole pre-2000 discography of Enrico Ruggeri, one of my favorite songwriters.
other than that, my life is chaotic. i am too lazy and too sick to clean my flat, i don't think rationally because doing so would send me spinning in angst due to the whole doctorate affair, and tomorrow i might be in for a bigger blow, if they tell me that my exam at work went badly. i don't even know if i'll have the actual news, not being there. might have to wait until tomorrow. i hope somebody has the good idea of phoning me and letting me know, even if i'm not physically present.
either way, i have difficulties envisioning myself studying in the next few days. i'm in the perfect situation to fail the oral, even if i had the chance of passing the written.
there is one person i really need to talk to and who could also make this whole mayhem stop. i hope he has the sense to call. i'm not going to come crawling.
fuck pride.
i'm glad that i found a CD i thought long lost with the whole pre-2000 discography of Enrico Ruggeri, one of my favorite songwriters.
other than that, my life is chaotic. i am too lazy and too sick to clean my flat, i don't think rationally because doing so would send me spinning in angst due to the whole doctorate affair, and tomorrow i might be in for a bigger blow, if they tell me that my exam at work went badly. i don't even know if i'll have the actual news, not being there. might have to wait until tomorrow. i hope somebody has the good idea of phoning me and letting me know, even if i'm not physically present.
either way, i have difficulties envisioning myself studying in the next few days. i'm in the perfect situation to fail the oral, even if i had the chance of passing the written.
there is one person i really need to talk to and who could also make this whole mayhem stop. i hope he has the sense to call. i'm not going to come crawling.
fuck pride.
Dark_Jester
Unrepentant sentient
Just heard from a friend that our information technology teacher from GCSE's (about four years ago) has died. He was only in his mid forties, and had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. I'm really sad, because he was a good teacher and a kind and friendly man, and even sadder for his family.
I hope for some kind of afterlife, so that he may yet live on in some fashion. Rest in peace Mr Wareham, you will be missed
I hope for some kind of afterlife, so that he may yet live on in some fashion. Rest in peace Mr Wareham, you will be missed
Hiljainen
why can't we not be sober
Dark_Jester said:Just heard from a friend that our information technology teacher from GCSE's (about four years ago) has died. He was only in his mid forties, and had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. I'm really sad, because he was a good teacher and a kind and friendly man, and even sadder for his family.
I hope for some kind of afterlife, so that he may yet live on in some fashion. Rest in peace Mr Wareham, you will be missed
a similar thing happened to the architecture teacher i had in 2nd grade, a couple of months after the beginning of 3rd grade we had another temporary teacher cause "he was sick", after some time we knew that he had been diagnosed with lung tumor, he came to visit us a couple of times, looking very different after so little time, and in some months he died. i remember some classmates even cried at the funeral
Kovenant84
T-369 days
Something like that just happened this past week, actually, to my sisters. A preschool teacher at the catholic school my sisters go to and which I went, died just this past week. Especially sad was that three years ago, her one son (a year older than me) had been struck and killed while riding his bike by a kid who didn't even have his license (in an odd twist, I was actually working with the driver's best friend at the time), and just last summer her other son was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and had to undergo massive chemotherapy. He's alright now, but I can't imagine how he feels.
~Kovenant
~Kovenant
Dark_Jester
Unrepentant sentient
Life is so full of sadness isn't it? I know that death is inevitable, but the pain it causes people...especially to lose someone close. Sigh...and I can't imagine the pain it must cause to lose a child
I've seen that with my own mother, wouldn't wish it to anyoneDark_Jester said:Life is so full of sadness isn't it? I know that death is inevitable, but the pain it causes people...especially to lose someone close. Sigh...and I can't imagine the pain it must cause to lose a child
MagSec4
.:..::.: :.::..:.
Losing my own mother, the most wonderful and caring that I could've been given, was indeed the worst experience in my life.. and it still haunts me terribly..
rahvin
keeper of the flame
welcome to more of that miserable misery.
there have been times when i told this forum/thread 99% of the things that happened in my life, and times when i thought it was wiser to be less public and all over the place about it, mostly because as of now the vast majority of my relations is with people who i met through here - except hyena, who's here nonetheless - and the end result of ranting for hours about how i feel is just going to make an increasing number of them either pissed off or annoyed. still at the moment i'm not sure i care that much, and there are things i realized about me and my life that i do want to write down. feel free to skip it, or - most probably - be online too late to check back on this post.
1. this is where i want to be.
elsewhere. i don't want to live in this country any longer than strictly necessary. i don't hate the place and i find it's objectively as good as any other except maybe some volcanic islands, but it's given me as much as it could, and all considered it was close to nothing. i've had a good education in school, with stimulating experiences and teachers, particularly my philosophy t-shirt
i mean teacher. and i met hyena, who is as close to me as anyone has ever been and quite probably will ever be. and i met alfred, who some of you old-timers might remember, who's still my best male friend and the guy i was hugging tight (yes) for no reason last night at an unlikely hour in turin central. the rest of what i got, aside from this job i'm currently neglecting for posting here, was more or less crappy. it's done, over with, expired, way past its sell-by-date.
other places will bring other experiences, new ways of life, a closer contact with people i actually feel i might want to relate to - at least for a while - in the future. this is not a solution, as there are none, but it's a temporary way out of something that is quickly leading me to depression.
i picked the scandinavian area as my destination. partly because i know a good number of people from there, and some i think i can get along with should they happen to live in the same area. partly because i'm fond of the climate, the quiet efficiency and the peculiar culture. i'm starting to study two languages from that region - svenska and suomi - tonight, and i programmed an intensive schedule of study hours until the summer. after that i'll get the first decent job i can find and quite simply drop this one and move. whatever happens after, i'm fine with.
2. this is what i want to do.
write. stories, novels, translations, essays, columns. i want to write anyway. it's something i'm good at and possibly the one thing that stops me from screaming most of the times. i spent around 2 hours and a half writing on a finnish notebook in a finnish university the other day, and the feeling i got from that did beat hands down any other good feeling from the trip. i get such a high from just putting pen to paper, i should be locked in a cabin somewhere and instructed to write until hell freezes over. i'm going to force myself to do it more from now on, because if i ever get anywhere with writing i might end up living wherever i please regardless of job opportunities in the area. this is not for now, but it might be for some time in the future.
3. this is who i want to be.
something different, something good. i'm sure i've been drifting far away from my old self in the recent past, and i've become nothing i like. my brains are still intact, but i suffer too much, too often. my emotional life is shit and i'm totally unstable, crimpled, possibly more in need of care than a three-years-old. i have absolutely no means for helping others, and i end up with lists of empty cynical words that make me sound bitter and deluded. wait a minute, i am bitter and deluded. i'm actually way disappointed by everyone, aside from hyena, and i need to retreat back into a shell in order to at least be more stable, and colder, and stop trusting in anyone aside from the aforementioned. i don't feel inclined to look for a social life anymore: most of the people i can hang out with bore me, and the others are no help anyway aside from a little entertainment. most nights i don't sleep at all, out of headaches and pain in my eyes and a lot of anxiety from being alone. those nights when i do sleep, i tend to have night terrors and wake up worse than before. most of the times there's no one there with me so nobody cares or can help. the rest of the times there is someone, and, well, exactly as above anyhow. i'm sure the future holds as much pain as the present, or possibly more since it seems i'm slowly spiralling down and with every circle the hurt gets sharper. what i would like to do is make the smallest difference for someone, even a stranger, and end it on this, in the act. yes, it does mean what it seems to mean, i'm sorry for the inherent gothicism.
4. this is who i want to be with.
no one. i can't help myself, i can't help anyone else. people float through their life each with his/her own burden of pain and bad moves, and i'm not a clown dwarf meant to solace the spirit and the mind. i need attention and the strongest will to heal me and keep me close, not the frustration of denial every time i ask for something for myself. even if it's not anyone's fault, this just means that i'm not blaming anyone, it doesn't budge the mess i'm in of an inch. and now it's become too much and too hard to bear, so that i feel played from all sides and i can't push back the hurt.
this is, more or less. what everything is coming to.
there have been times when i told this forum/thread 99% of the things that happened in my life, and times when i thought it was wiser to be less public and all over the place about it, mostly because as of now the vast majority of my relations is with people who i met through here - except hyena, who's here nonetheless - and the end result of ranting for hours about how i feel is just going to make an increasing number of them either pissed off or annoyed. still at the moment i'm not sure i care that much, and there are things i realized about me and my life that i do want to write down. feel free to skip it, or - most probably - be online too late to check back on this post.
1. this is where i want to be.
elsewhere. i don't want to live in this country any longer than strictly necessary. i don't hate the place and i find it's objectively as good as any other except maybe some volcanic islands, but it's given me as much as it could, and all considered it was close to nothing. i've had a good education in school, with stimulating experiences and teachers, particularly my philosophy t-shirt
i mean teacher. and i met hyena, who is as close to me as anyone has ever been and quite probably will ever be. and i met alfred, who some of you old-timers might remember, who's still my best male friend and the guy i was hugging tight (yes) for no reason last night at an unlikely hour in turin central. the rest of what i got, aside from this job i'm currently neglecting for posting here, was more or less crappy. it's done, over with, expired, way past its sell-by-date.other places will bring other experiences, new ways of life, a closer contact with people i actually feel i might want to relate to - at least for a while - in the future. this is not a solution, as there are none, but it's a temporary way out of something that is quickly leading me to depression.
i picked the scandinavian area as my destination. partly because i know a good number of people from there, and some i think i can get along with should they happen to live in the same area. partly because i'm fond of the climate, the quiet efficiency and the peculiar culture. i'm starting to study two languages from that region - svenska and suomi - tonight, and i programmed an intensive schedule of study hours until the summer. after that i'll get the first decent job i can find and quite simply drop this one and move. whatever happens after, i'm fine with.
2. this is what i want to do.
write. stories, novels, translations, essays, columns. i want to write anyway. it's something i'm good at and possibly the one thing that stops me from screaming most of the times. i spent around 2 hours and a half writing on a finnish notebook in a finnish university the other day, and the feeling i got from that did beat hands down any other good feeling from the trip. i get such a high from just putting pen to paper, i should be locked in a cabin somewhere and instructed to write until hell freezes over. i'm going to force myself to do it more from now on, because if i ever get anywhere with writing i might end up living wherever i please regardless of job opportunities in the area. this is not for now, but it might be for some time in the future.
3. this is who i want to be.
something different, something good. i'm sure i've been drifting far away from my old self in the recent past, and i've become nothing i like. my brains are still intact, but i suffer too much, too often. my emotional life is shit and i'm totally unstable, crimpled, possibly more in need of care than a three-years-old. i have absolutely no means for helping others, and i end up with lists of empty cynical words that make me sound bitter and deluded. wait a minute, i am bitter and deluded. i'm actually way disappointed by everyone, aside from hyena, and i need to retreat back into a shell in order to at least be more stable, and colder, and stop trusting in anyone aside from the aforementioned. i don't feel inclined to look for a social life anymore: most of the people i can hang out with bore me, and the others are no help anyway aside from a little entertainment. most nights i don't sleep at all, out of headaches and pain in my eyes and a lot of anxiety from being alone. those nights when i do sleep, i tend to have night terrors and wake up worse than before. most of the times there's no one there with me so nobody cares or can help. the rest of the times there is someone, and, well, exactly as above anyhow. i'm sure the future holds as much pain as the present, or possibly more since it seems i'm slowly spiralling down and with every circle the hurt gets sharper. what i would like to do is make the smallest difference for someone, even a stranger, and end it on this, in the act. yes, it does mean what it seems to mean, i'm sorry for the inherent gothicism.
4. this is who i want to be with.
no one. i can't help myself, i can't help anyone else. people float through their life each with his/her own burden of pain and bad moves, and i'm not a clown dwarf meant to solace the spirit and the mind. i need attention and the strongest will to heal me and keep me close, not the frustration of denial every time i ask for something for myself. even if it's not anyone's fault, this just means that i'm not blaming anyone, it doesn't budge the mess i'm in of an inch. and now it's become too much and too hard to bear, so that i feel played from all sides and i can't push back the hurt.
this is, more or less. what everything is coming to.
MagSec4
.:..::.: :.::..:.
I am glad, however, to hear a decisive and resolute attitude in your post. Goal-setting is always a good thing to keep your mind focused and attain hopes and motivations. I wish you the best in these dreams of yours, and hope they will soon come to be realized just the way you want them, and bring you peace of mind at last.
i'll skip the part where i deliver reasonable and profound comments, and revert in style to a call to arms.
@all the people living up north: rahvin wants to invade your country. we need to know the following:
1 - if you're a foreigner looking for a job in sweden, what language certificates can help you find one? (stuff like the Cambridge First/Proficiency for English, the DELF for French... you get the point)
2 - is there any summer school of language that offers intensive courses for these certificates?
more questions to come in the future. please help, this guy is falling to pieces. let him become a snowman and freeze calmly.
@all the people living up north: rahvin wants to invade your country. we need to know the following:
1 - if you're a foreigner looking for a job in sweden, what language certificates can help you find one? (stuff like the Cambridge First/Proficiency for English, the DELF for French... you get the point)
2 - is there any summer school of language that offers intensive courses for these certificates?
more questions to come in the future. please help, this guy is falling to pieces. let him become a snowman and freeze calmly.
Hiljainen
why can't we not be sober
rahvin
keeper of the flame
thank you. i've never been one to shut down and languish, which is probably my strongest point and my deepest downfall. i never take the time to wait or think about stepping back, slowing down. i'm always way too much in the "let's grab it all now" business, and i'm sure i have about the same patience as a tornado. that's why now i'm so determinate: as hyena aptly points out, it's more desperation than forethought. but yes, when i get there i'll feel better, still through the flames, for a while.MagSec4 said:
*nods*. thanks for seeing this and being teh one who cares about it.hyena said:
Dark_Jester
Unrepentant sentient
As a lawyer studying European Integration, I can tell you that from a legal point of view, as Rahvin is a member of the EU, he has free reign to travel within the EU for employment. All he needs to do is apply for a residence permit from the Swedish or Finnish Embassy in Italy. This is very important, the permit is fairly easy to get, but essential if you wish to live there.
As for jobs, Anna (Northern Lights) will probably be more helpful than I am, but being able to pass a proficiency test in Swedish/Finnish would probably be essential, and the certificate would be issued for that. However, as he is fluent in English, which is essentially the international business language of Europe, it may be that the restrictions are lessened, and as long as he makes efforts to learn and become fluent in the Scandinavian language, his use of English may be acceptable in some areas for occupation.
As for jobs, Anna (Northern Lights) will probably be more helpful than I am, but being able to pass a proficiency test in Swedish/Finnish would probably be essential, and the certificate would be issued for that. However, as he is fluent in English, which is essentially the international business language of Europe, it may be that the restrictions are lessened, and as long as he makes efforts to learn and become fluent in the Scandinavian language, his use of English may be acceptable in some areas for occupation.
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