The depression thread

The girl I had feelings for rejected my emo letter with poignant romantic drawings that I poured my heart into and turned it over to HR which got me in trouble. That would make a weaker man a miserable crying bitch but I simply fucked hookers younger and hotter than her. Now I sternly order her around the office and feel nothing while blasting deathcore about mutilating women from my cubicle. I am a cold unemotional bastard barely even human
 
No real friends, no real lovers, eat in restaurants / drink in bars alone, live with an uncle that hates my guts, blood pressure, tinnitus, gout, live expensively (blow money on hookers/plane tickets) so have little savings...but I give 0 fucks, have 0 anxiety/fears/worries (have meds for everything except that cuz don’t need it), I laugh it all off, and sleep like a baby just lie down and doze off instantly, wake up and walk around like a badass, drink beer/girly cocktails and blast deathcore
 
I have moments of depression, but I think my main problem is anxiety. I actually had a bad anxiety attack this summer during a thunderstorm. I’m not sure what the fuck happened but I woke up and my heart was racing and I couldn’t get it to be normal, so I had to call 911. They did an ekg and my heart was fine but basically said it was anxiety because my blood work came back fine too. I have issues with standing still or like being in the same places for extended periods of time too.

Keeping busy has always been a way for me to deal with that shit too. And if I’m not busy, I go through tons of music and movies in an attempt to keep my brain thinking about other stuff. Actually I think what’s missing is like a productive outlet besides work. It’s actually hard to have that when you get home so tired all you want to do is veg out, but then too much vegging out makes you crazy.
 
No real friends, no real lovers, eat in restaurants / drink in bars alone, live with an uncle that hates my guts, blood pressure, tinnitus, gout, live expensively (blow money on hookers/plane tickets) so have little savings...but I give 0 fucks, have 0 anxiety/fears/worries (have meds for everything except that cuz don’t need it), I laugh it all off, and sleep like a baby just lie down and doze off instantly, wake up and walk around like a badass, drink beer/girly cocktails and blast deathcore

Livin' the Dream
 
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Depression? Maybe I have that. I've always had plenty of external causes to blame for my miseries, so I've never thought that I might be clinically depressed. I know I'm fucked in the head because I have panic attacks and I wake up screaming sometimes. And living so far away from civilization, I've never really been able to get psychiatric aid. But then I discovered the psychological lectures of Jordan B. Peterson and they might've been the substitute I needed. It's too early to say if they've had a long-term effect, but if I achieve any success in my life I will attribute it to him.

For years I lived with my father who was very ill and a long time dying. Only now that he's passed I realize how suffocating an atmosphere that was to live in. I'm doing better now. I'm not where I want to be but I'm making reliable progress. I'm hung up on a girl who stopped talking to me and it drives me insane. I cut all social media out of my life except this forum hoping it would help me forget but it's not helping. I wish I lived somewhere with people. But I'm stuck out here until at least the next year.

I decided to finish a bottle of whiskey I had lying around. Alcohol is supposed to be a depressant so I thought it was a stupid idea. But I put on some Wytch Hazel and right around "Choral" I'm having this profound feeling that everything is going to be alright. I hope I'll remember this feeling tomorrow.
 
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I've had periods of depression after traumatic life stuff and it's made me do dumb shit and make bad choices, but I'm pretty good these days. I can't imagine how torturous it'd be to be depressed all the time for no reason.
 
Well generally you're not depressed for no reason. You're depressed for a reason that you either don't know, or don't want to find.