Not-so-good-and-old "How do you feel" thread

[MagSec4]

Well you better give her my greeting nonetheless! >(
..because I'm going to ask her one day!

 

[Steve]

thanks a lot @ all, i will be driving home tomorrow to visit her, guess she'll look kinda stupid if i tell her of numerous men with strange names wishing her well

nonsense, people with strange names wishing someone well always cheers them up!

 

[Child of Time]

I think I can see symptoms of the harem syndrome in myself. HELP! I'm a bad person!

hyena: Remember that the simplest plans are the best. Just fool him into a narrow space, like a cubby-hole or something, make sure he can't come out - and kiss him! And about 'the lightbulb moment'. I can see how very 'acted' it would look if I was doing it. Practise it first.

 

[rahvin]

Just fool him into a narrow space, like a cubby-hole or something, make sure he can't come out - and kiss him!

i think this is something that you either can or cannot do, at some hidden psychological level. for instance, i would never be able to try something of the sort, for a number of reasons. partly it's because of the "sexual offender" image that might come out of such a behaviour, in case the other person wouldn't reciprocate. i'm deeply and easily frightened by situations involving potential sexual assault, and i think coming across as someone who would try it is possibly the worst impression of me i can think of. i know very well that approaching someone kindly and trying to kiss them does not constitute material for courts of law, and since any polite denial would suffice to stop the attempt, on a rational level there is no way i might come off like that. i also know that i hardly look threatening, under a physical and behavioural points of view alike. still i can't seem to fight the feeling that making a move without having talked about it first is an invasion of someone's intimate area.
this is also why i mostly keep to myself and i'm never physical when i'm with friends, so most of them - not to mention girls i might be interested in - get the impression that i don't like physical proximity, or at least that i wouldn't like it with them. this is however not true, as i only dread the active side of invasion: being approached in a physically affectionate way (hugs and kisses) would be perfectly ok with me most of the times, and actually much appreciated in some cases. in fact, all the "distance" feeling i seem to transmit is getting tiresome and it never was a willing choice meant to make me look gr1m and tr00. i might act awkward if suddenly approached, and surprised (could you blame me? it never happens...), but it's not that i don't want it, provided it's spontaneous (like combustion ). i actually considered showing some people a sign saying "i won't start screaming if you hug me" and "i won't think you want to get me to bed either", but considering the opinion they usually have of me, they'd probably think i'm being sarcastic.

And about 'the lightbulb moment'. I can see how very 'acted' it would look if I was doing it. Practise it first.

same here. in fact, i even manage to sound fake when i'm not faking it. every time i mean to ask someone out, even if there's no catch, even if it's a friend, even if it's a male friend, i feel that i'm being pushy or demanding. sometimes i think about what i'm going to say only a few minutes before, and still when i do say it i hear myself making it sound... plastic, insincere, prearranged. this, again, is still just a feeling i have: there's nothing wrong in saying to a friend "do you feel like going to see a movie tomorrow?", because in fact what i want is just to see a movie with someone. yet this seems to be playing a part in my withdrawing from social events: i don't ask enough. and in this case too i'd like to be asked more, just to feel reassured that the whole interactive process is going smooth and fine.

 

[Northern Lights]

@rahvin: funny, that last part might as well apply to me...

NF: my head feels like sticky cake dough and I haven't done anything (read drinking) to deserve it

 

[Villain]

Rahvin: I clearly recognize myself in what you wrote in the first part of your above post. I'm not quite sure if my reasoning behind it all is similar to yours (as I'm not quite sure what exactly my reasoning is), but the end result is very similar. However, it just stopped bothering me a few years ago - I somehow became accustomed to being like that, so much that I didn't even notice I was (and am) like that. Until a couple of weeks ago I heard (secondhand) that the girlfriend of my very good friend described me to one of her friends as being "a nice guy, who's physically very shy and cold, but warm emotionally".

Although I found that very funny, it nevertheless made me think, if I should try to change my appearance, even though I'm quite satisfied with how I am right now. The thing is, for the past few years I've tried to be as open and honest as possible, showing both the best and the worst of me to all people I'm associated with on any level, in order to avoid causing people to rely on false preconceptions. Now, it seems, I have failed in that and made myself appear as someone who dislikes physical contact. I'll say again, it doesn't really bother me, except on the level that I feel like I'm giving the false impression of myself to people - even to those who have known me for years.

-Villain

 

[Child of Time]

this is also why i mostly keep to myself and i'm never physical when i'm with friends, so most of them - not to mention girls i might be interested in - get the impression that i don't like physical proximity, or at least that i wouldn't like it with them. this is however not true, as i only dread the active side of invasion: being approached in a physically affectionate way (hugs and kisses) would be perfectly ok with me most of the times, and actually much appreciated in some cases. in fact, all the "distance" feeling i seem to transmit is getting tiresome and it never was a willing choice meant to make me look gr1m and tr00. i might act awkward if suddenly approached, and surprised (could you blame me? it never happens...), but it's not that i don't want it, provided it's spontaneous (like combustion ). i actually considered showing some people a sign saying "i won't start screaming if you hug me" and "i won't think you want to get me to bed either", but considering the opinion they usually have of me, they'd probably think i'm being sarcastic.

I recognize myself quite a lot here. I suspect that quite many people I know considers me 'cold', or even 'grim' (not in a tr00 way ) when the right words are 'a little shy' and 'pondering'. I hope that people that gets to know me realize after a while, that no matter how gloomy and dead serious I look when they see me, I will always crack a smile when they addresses me.

Neither do I ask enough. In some cases, I know that a girl that I would like to go out with also would like to go out with me. Then, who's going to ask? Not me, for sure. Most people consider me being very intelligent, but when I think about situations like this, I can't understand why they think so. What do I have to lose? Nothing. Why do I not invite her out? Dont know. *sigh*

 

[Arch]

NF: Lazy yet motivated. Strange. I better make up my mind.

 

[hyena]

@CoT: this is EVIL. You're a guy. You should ask girls out.

I win teh prize again. Look at my perfect lightbulb moment.

"How long did it take you to get your licence plate back? You know, I would need a new one in 10 days max since I'm supposed to visit my friend in So-and-So next week and I don't want to take forever to get there by train."

"Well, you can borrow my car".

 

[Lina]

"Gee, thanks."

 

[hyena]

yeah. "fuck you" is not an option when someone offers you a car, you know.

edit: the rest of the meeting was equally astounding. i got a bunch of questions about family/educational background/various intellectual topics rapid-fired at me. this took about one hour of tight conversation. now, i like people who are interested in my inner self, but i would like some affection too. and he's growing colder by the day. i'm scared.

this. will. take. forever.

 

[DeepInMisery]

nf: drunk.. and tired .. and happy cos i got my inet connection working again (Go T1 )

 

[hyena]

nf: like my friends should participate in tv debates titled how to interpret the same behavioral traits in 20000 different ways.

livio says: if he doesn't get all touchy-feely with you anymore, it's because he's considering you as a partner and therefore doesn't want to come across as a sex maniac. so it's a good sign. livio also says that transition period is 1 to 3 weeks.

vittorio says: he probably doesn't have a clue about what he wants to do. if you act now it's too soon, if you act in one month it's too late, wait things out for a couple of weeks then see what happens, and possibly do something.

fabrizio says: he's just left his girlfriend, he's in total emotional turmoil, he's not thinking about you at all, and if he asks you questions about yourself it's because he wants to redirect his thoughts and not talk about himself. so you've got to stay put for a couple of months.

rahvin says: be a bit more proactive, if you have to suffer just make it end quickly so there will be sorrow no more.

nick says: maybe you're not even in love.

i'll just act randomly. best bet always. i still have the car.

 

[Wolfman Von Jones]

To be abit more clear, I said maybe your in lust, and love takes a long time to blossom, you cant possibly be in love with someone after only 10 months of seeing each other off and on .

Nick

 

[rahvin]

rahvin says: be a bit more proactive, if you have to suffer just make it end quickly so there will be sorrow no more.

yes, i'm still the same guy who wouldn't take the initiative to hug a girl if she was wearing a teddy costume and beckoning me with open arms.
it seems i'm way more hyena-assured than self-assured.

 

[hyena]

well, hyena's coming out won't have anything to do with hugging people. i'll just possibly say "you know, i think you broke my heart, but it's not your fault, so we can be friends".

 

[rahvin]

you cant possibly be in love with someone after only 10 months of seeing each other off and on .

[gill grissom]semantics.[/gill grissom]
it depends on how you define love. lust is kinda clearer to me, and i wouldn't say hyena merely lusts after this guy, as most of her feelings involve a sentimental position different than the horizontal one, but that's up to her to debate anyway.
as for the concept of the other l-word, i shall hereby decree it is a synonym of "rotten pineapple".

 

[Wolfman Von Jones]

From my experiance, love takes a very long time to blossom. Sure you can think you love someone, but then what if you find out smth about then that went against your beliefs, and you broke up. Would you still say you were in love with this person, b/c to me love is unconditional.

Nick

 

[rahvin]

@nick: wouldn't it being unconditional also make it very generic? if love is not based on the (alleged) qualities of the recipient - and therefore subject to change if said qualities are found to be missing or worn out - then i could feel it for anyone, or everyone.
but then, what do i know...

 

[Tebus]

@rahv: I think I agree with what you're saying about love. But it does take time to really know a person well enough to be able to love that person in the true sense of the word. But it's interesting what you said "wouldn't it have to be generic if it were unconditional." Maybe it is generic. It seems that the kind of love that one feels when they have "feelings" for the other person may only be associated with lust. It doesn't feel like that when feelings of love surface, but I've been thinking lately that that is what is happening on an unconscious level.

And that sort of is associated with the notion of not being the one to approach the other person in order to express interest in something more than friendship. I am the same way as you in every aspect of the situation, and it's largely because I would feel a guilt in approaching someone. I say to myself, I would only approach her if there is lust involved, so if I approach her, it shows a certain lack of respect for her as a person. But if I were to be approached, the guiltiness would go away, because I am not the one initiating it. It's awful because this is the first time I've had some very good possibilities of someone to be with. And by some I mean 2. They're both very sweet people, but each one thinks I like the OTHER person. It's funny how I get put in these situations. But by approaching someone, I feel that I am really doing something wrong, and yet it is what everyone says I am supposed to do. For now though, I am just trying to be a good friend, and I will see what developes from there.