hyena said:
@rahvin: could you give a short summary of all the evil that's around me? i feel too weak, basically because we're not programmed to go without food, sleep, or affection.
i'll try.
last night over dinner alone with mr. r, the guy mentioned before on these pages and the one hyena is interested in, my aforementioned best friend exposed herself to rejection by telling him about her feelings.
the monologue was fairly light-hearted, perhaps also out of embarrassment on both parts, and started out small, with hyena describing what she felt/almost hoped for without giving it too much of a "oh my goth" slant. basically, what she told him at first was that she felt a strong connection with him and that she had had the feeling from the start that she could connect very well to him on an emotional level. in particular, certain speeches and theories of him concerning the desire for a higher ground of achievements in life rang a bell in my friend's head, making her decide this guy was possibly
very important material, since it doesn't happen often that you find someone who explicitly addresses the big issues in life while entertaining friends (well, i do, but we all know how this ends, don't we?). the rest of her explanation dealt with the part where she was about to suppress her aspirations since mr. r is
still in a relationship (with evil incarnate, but i don't know whether that was pointed out or not), and goodwill for staying friends and being outspoken and relaxed around each other.
needless to say - because otherwise i wouldn't be the one writing the eulogy, as no eulogy would be needed - mr. r doesn't really see hyena in any other way than as a friend. he's got no feelings of the sentimental kind for her. he was straightforward enough to tell her, in a kind way, this very same thing, also deprecating on the side that he was so irrational in his choice of partners that he could add no specific motivation for not being alight with eternal flames of passion for hyena. he also seemed to be rather cool about hyena coming to the front to talk to him and all, not to mention staying friends and going on collaborating in their own job-related project. aside from a few candy-coated lies about flowing seamlessly through relationships without serious bumps in the road, and his almost explicit admitting that evil incarnate is indeed not the best partner for him and that he will at some point grow tired of this relationship too although he's currently trying hard, he did behave in quite a decent way, as you probably can expect from a 40-y-o who has no intention of playing around with other people's feelings.
the diagnosis i'll leave for later. this is our tale. corrections, darling?
Though I am glad to hear the whole thing went nicely. 
i guess i had some very bad/paranoid/sad dream last night that i don't remember and that left me these feelings
