your words are encouraging and it's embarrassing that i come across as a neurotic bag of self-esteem issues. to be honest i think i look pretty okay and i know i am not a land whale. i've got goals though, no point in settling for "whew well at least i'm not overweight" when i could be athletic enough to climb mountains and building strength/endurance with running etc. anyone who has ever dieted or lost weight or trained for anything can attest, it's just exciting and happy to know you're improving yourself.
so all in all, i AM happy with who i am. i'm just excited about the prospect of being the best i can be, and i happen to be a late bloomer when it comes to getting in shape. this is the first time since pretty much ever that i'm actually living a healthy lifestyle (beer and ice cream are healthy too) and it's exciting so i talk about it.