Not-so-good-and-old "How do you feel" thread

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Siren said:
@KC: I'm really sorry to hear about that. :erk:
If you really want her, i think you should put aside your pride for a while and make an effort. I'm not really sure what is going on, by the way you describe it, but some of the thoughts that occured to me are:
a) Maybe there's more reasons to it, like maybe there has been someone else flirting with her (and thus making things more interesting to her). Try to talk to her and see what the real reason is.
b) Maybe she is bored and this was her way to stir things up a bit. Maybe deep inside she just wants to see how much you care and what you'll do about it, if you'll do something to make things more interesting. Maybe she hasn't made a final decision yet and she's just as frustrated as you (and that's why she's acting all bitchy). Maybe she's bitchy because she's thinking that you aren't doing anything about it. I know this probably doesn't make much sense to you, but the female mind never made much sense to any male.

Bottom line is: if you really want to not break up with her, make an effort to make things more interesting. It'd be a shame to just let something so wonderful end like that. Even if it does end, you will have at least tried.





As for the NF: meh. very meh. i'd really need someone to talk to tonight, but noone's online. i feel kinda lonely and a bit like things are slipping through my hands. :/
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She broke up with me in a txt message last night :cry:. She said after our argument (which is funny cos I don't remember any argument) she knew things hadn't been right for a while. I'm pretty sure she's just bored of my cock. Sorry if it sounds crude but she's a really pretty girl who gets loads of attention from the male kind. For 2 and a half years she hasn't been allowed to capitalise on it. And I am not attractive. We were an odd match for sure.

I know her really well, and she's not just stiring things up, she can't be, and although the suggestion gives me some hope, it's uber doubtful. She never really played games like this. Im not gonna chase after her, because it's just going to prolong my agony. I have to accept this.

Nf: Like I could never love again. Like I can never feel love again. Like I never will feel love again. Like breaking things. Like I'll never be loved again. Basically I'm a fucking wreck :cry:. My heart is being put to the test and if things continue on this downspiral toward an epitome of lonely misery then in a weeks time I'm gonna be a fucking vegetable. I feel sick. I know people say its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but right now that feels like alot of bullshit. For the past 2 1/2 years she's been the only thing I've really cared about. Everything was second to her. To have something so vital to my existence ripped from my life is the most damaging thing that could possibly happen to me. If people say "you'll still have the good memories" I can honestly say the good memories are what hurt the most, the fact that all they'll ever be now are memories.

schwedentod said:
@KC: I'll have a look at your story once again tomorrow andnmaybe I could give you an advice... maybe... maybe the stars are with us...
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Thank you my good man. I think most of all I need some kind of distraction.
 
She did it in a text message? Apart from anything else, that's fucking ridiculous, especially after two and a half years. I'm really sorry to hear about all of this Gav. For distractions, pick up that guitar, play some computer games if that's your thing, go for another of those random wandering minstrel type rambles in the countryside with your mates (will there be (m)any problems with your friends not knowing where their loyalties lie between you and your ex?). If that doesn't work, at least attempt to focus on the bad things about her, bad memories, instead of dwelling on the good ones and getting more depressed. And well, whatever you do, good luck with it.
 
Rusty said:
She did it in a text message? Apart from anything else, that's fucking ridiculous, especially after two and a half years. I'm really sorry to hear about all of this Gav. For distractions, pick up that guitar, play some computer games if that's your thing, go for another of those random wandering minstrel type rambles in the countryside with your mates (will there be (m)any problems with your friends not knowing where their loyalties lie between you and your ex?). If that doesn't work, at least attempt to focus on the bad things about her, bad memories, instead of dwelling on the good ones and getting more depressed. And well, whatever you do, good luck with it.
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Thanks man. I'm just reinstalling Myth II :p. I thought the text was utter cowardess on her part aswel. My friends don't even really know her, so there isn't a problem there (My friends are geeks, like me, and find it hard to interact with any females, especially hot ones). Like I said we are 2 very different people, and as a result we hung out with seperate crowds. I havn't told my parents we've split yet because they absolutely loved her, and I really don't want to upset them now and their pitty will not be helpful. Plus my Grandma, who is in the hospital for the first time and is in really bad shape, adored her. If she finds out we're through now it'll be so rough on her. I dont have many people around me that I can confine in. So I'm confining in people who aren't around me. Cheers again Rus for the words.
 
Hello KC,

finally, I've read it all and think that I can understand your feelings quite well. You may have read my story I posted about 4 weeks ago, it's a little different but I'll try to help you a little right now.

The whole story sounds somehow weird. If you don't know the reason so far, that's the worst thing I think. I would suggest to ring her up (or even meet her if you feel strong enough) and talk about everything. Ask her about her reason(s) and about her feelings. Tell her yours. If there's no tomorrow, then split up with her after the dialogue.

This may sound very hard, of course, but I made the experience that it makes no sense to split up, get together again, then split up once more and so on. There must be a reason why she changed her mind within some days/ hours and this reason will live on and be there again if you don't split up with her, so in some weeks, months or even years the reason will be there again.

On your feelings: I felt exactly like you some weeks ago. Didn't eat anything, didn't sleep good, when I slept there were dreams and so on. But if you split up with her, some day you will see that you'll be able to love again. You'll recognize some small things you "hated" about her and you'll feel free again. I'm sure you can't believe this now but trust me, it will happen. Talk to as many people as possible, but not with her, that will bring you back to where you started.

Talking about myself, it was easier for me because she cheated on me. That's an argument to forget her more easy. But right now, I'm over it and really enjoy my single-life. There were many parties the last 3 weeks (semester started again... ;) ) and I had fun drinking, laughing and partying with my friends. I met some interesting girls, talked to them and felt good, because I saw that there are still nice and interesting (female) people out there. Getting this fact, I learned that there's a future and that I should make the best out of it. Do so as well!

I hope I could help you a little bit and if you have any question, just ask. Post it here or PM me or whatever!

All the best!
Daniel
 
Wow dan, thanks. This really does help for keeping hope alive. I still feel hope for the future (as a bachelor) it's just burried under the feeling that she's abandoned me.

As for talking to her - I don't want to approach her now because I'll probably make it worse by yelling. I told her if we split we can't see each other, and for me that starts here. Yeah she has some of my CDs and DVDs, but it'll be too hard going over to her place. I understand in a distant way why she left me, it's to do with us being young and not wanting to get too tied down so early on yada yada yada. I would fight for her if she hadn't changed so much. This happened similarly once before when she was thinking about breaking with me. Once again it was due to wanting freedom. I can't talk this over like an adult when she acts like that, and I refuse to be on the outside trying to get in, if you catch my drift. Thank you Daniel, I remember the hard time you had not so long ago, and I really was hoping you would come here and tell me things got better from your experience. Now is for healing. Thankyou again for your helpful words. :)
 
The feeling now is very bad, I know. But in the future, there will be a few hours not thinking of her, then maybe some days and the world will turn from grey to colorful.

About talking, I wasn't speaking of yelling. In your position, I would be interested to get the facts. Just a small talk and everything's done. Of course, this may hurt at first, but you won't be in the situation of uncertainty.
The reason for her (being young and so on) is the same as Andrea's reason was. She told me that she was so young and wanted to see something different (which means another cock to speak very direct) and so she did it, without splitting with me BEFORE all that happened. And, yes, Andrea changed within the last 4 years, too.
If she thought about breaking with you before, this is exactly the situation I wanted to express in my previous post. If you don't split now, all this will happen again and you'll be in this position once more. Of course, this could happen to you with another girl (some time in the future), too, but that's life, isn't it? And to be honest, somehow and someday you thought of freedom, too, right? I mean, you can have it now, so enjoy!

You wrote: "Thank you Daniel, I remember the hard time you had not so long ago, and I really was hoping you would come here and tell me things got better from your experience." <-- Does this mean that you've been waiting for me to point out my point of view? If so, thanks a lot for your confidence! I must say that your last post made my day a lot better because of the feeling that I could help a person in a not-so-good situation. But don't thank me for my words, many people here helped me, too, and that day I promised to help you all, too.
 
i agree with rusty, daniel, etc.. i understand the way you feel, it will pass, i got over my ex (remember my constant whining on the board? ;) ) as i did with other people before, and you will too. just get distracted and go on with your life, from personal experience i've found out a lot about myself that i just kept caged before, and in no way i'd go back to how i used to be before.
all this crap to say that often after a relationship ends in that way, without even a real explanation, you realize how bubu the other person was (yes, this sounds arrogant, but i'm convincing myself it's true every day more), the "where the hell was my brain?" thought grows in your mind and you start to have a more defined view of what to look for in someone.
of course i'm not saying that everyone that dumps is an idiot and it's all his/her tremendous fault (someone might read it that way), but that the way she behaved shows immaturity and a very little respect for people (in this case you).
so don't lose hope, there are persons that will give you much more, now get distracted, try to have fun with your friends and use this as an experience for the future, at some point they become useful and have a little part into avoiding some mistakes.

i hope this made at least little sense, i'm going quite crazy lately.
 
Everyone already said what I was thinking.. I guess I'm too late to share my "wisdom", but I can only say that time DOES heal.. it can take some time, but still that time will come. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason... well, almost. Certain things I cannot understand nor accept, but I think it pretty much has to go that way.

I also believe you should talk to her... it just isn't fair to leave things undone. No matter the pain, you should do it. It will be easier to accept or to grasp some things and your head might find some answers or some ways to make you feel better.

Remember... upon us all a little rain must fall... just a little rain...

Take care of yourself, KC!
 
Ok, I dont' want to break the pattern of "It'll be all right" for you, Gav, but just from personal experience, I happen to know exactly what you meant by the whole 'bored' thing.

Actually, thinking about it now, our relationships sound oddly familiar - except that my gf would never borrow one of my cds... But in any case, I know we had a few 'break-ups' where she said she was bored, didn't feel the same way, etc, etc. It wound up working out in the end (we've been together two years, eight months... eerie), as one could tell by the fact that I haven't been ranting about it here for a while. I know exactly what it feels like though (that whole "she's attractive, I'm not, etc. She's bored, what the hell does that mean?" thing). However, I don't get the whole "break up through the most impersonal method possible" thing. The girl I went to my senior prom with did the same thing to me with an email. I realized afterwards I just got used for a date, and it really wasn't a deep relationship or anything, but honestly, that kind of disregard for feelings really doesn't make any sense to me.

That's the only reason I'm going to agree with everyone else and say just to chill out for a while and do stuff that you enjoy doing. The hurt will hit eventually, (as you said, it doesn't seem to really impact you at first), but as long as you know that, you'll be ok, man. Ordinarily I might say something about how she'll probably come back to you, but honestly, you know her better than I, so I think I'll leave that judgement to you.

------------------------------------

Interview completely sucked. Maybe it's the fact that it was my first ever, or the fact that I wasnt expecting anything near as complicated as it was, but I totally choked on every question they asked. I went in expecting stuff like "Oh, so what are you skilled in, what would you like to do here, what are your experiences", etc. Instead I got "Ok, what's DeMorgan's Law? Thevenin and Norton equivalents? If this red box is a block of memory, how would an array be represented as opposed to a linked list? Is there a way to switch values of variables in C without using an intermediate variable?" Actually, those are the questions I got right (not the last one, actually - that one threw me a loop, but I legitimately didn't know it.). But the problem was, those questions came after the really senior guy had to go to a meeting. While he was there, I couldn't even come up with an explanation for "What is an object in C++?" Fuck! Thats the fucking easiest question you could have asked me, and all I can do is sit here wringing my hands and licking my lips because I'm so fucking nervous because YOU'RE SUCH AN INTENSE PERSON!!!! Literally he just stared at me the whole time with the best poker face I've ever seen. I nearly pissed myself he scared me so much.

I figure at least it was a learning experience. But I can't help but feel I came across as the stupidest person they'd interviewed.

~kov.
 
Schwedentod said:
You wrote: "Thank you Daniel, I remember the hard time you had not so long ago, and I really was hoping you would come here and tell me things got better from your experience." <-- Does this mean that you've been waiting for me to point out my point of view? If so, thanks a lot for your confidence! I must say that your last post made my day a lot better because of the feeling that I could help a person in a not-so-good situation. But don't thank me for my words, many people here helped me, too, and that day I promised to help you all, too.
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Indeed I was hoping for your point of view. I vaguely remember my words in your suffering case being something unhelpful like - "Wow I can only imagine how much that must suck. Try to take care of yourself". I know my words were entirely sympathetic and didn't really give any prospect. So now I'm in the situation I can see how your words will be useful.

@Kov: There's a chance she'll realise it was a mistake (nothing like a bit of optimism in times of crisis). I'm not possitive though. We talked before we split and I was trying to talk her out of the idea, and I did for a day or 2. She told me she wants to stay friends if we break incase she wants to come back to me. Talk about emotional rollercoaster!!! I absolutely told her if we break then that's it. Sometimes, like when I'm talking about it here I feel like I'll manage without her, but when I'm sat with my family and they can just tell there's something wrong I just well up. I've been able to keep my external emotions under control very well. but back to the point my emotions are this time are mixed, and I really don't know if I can take her back even if she realises her mistake. Of course I'd be happy with her, as in the past I was, but I have a feeling last night was spent in the warmth of another guys arms (my logic here is I told her if she's ever going to cheat on me she has to break up with me immediately before - hence why at 11.30 Pm I recieve a rushed text breaking up with me). Anyway Kov, It's comforting to know you've shared the experience and persevered in the opposite direction to Daniel. No matter what, I see life has it's ups and downs, this is way down to china town, but the only way is up (unless of course she starts rubbing her sexual freedom in my face, in which case I don't know how far down I'm gonna go).

@TNB: I'll talk to her eventually, I mean at the moment she doesnt even know If I recieved the text or anything, so I'll have to let her know some how that I'm aware we are no longer an item. Funny what you said about the rain falling, it's a good metaphor for one of the things I've been using to deal with it. I look at two of my friends who suffered what I have and think, although its quite mean, I'm not the only one in pain. For some reason just the fact that Im not the only person in the world suffering makes me feel so much better. I'm mean.

@Hiljainen: your words have helped. Even though it's another odd way of equating happiness from the situation I do try to reflect on how much of a bitch she has been. We were never really suited for each other, we just complimented each other quite well and I was truely devoted to her (she probably liked the security and the emotional validation my love provided her. I liked the fact that she was one hell of a catch and she made me feel like I was 'somebody').
 
Just be happy that she held her promise and split up before that (if there really was another guy yesterday). Andrea promised me so after I found out what happened in the Netherlands nearly 4 years ago. She promised to split before she sleeps with another guy and that this could never again happen because it would show her that she doesn't love me any more, but when she first fu... this asshole, she didn't tell me. And the second time she didn't tell me either. I had to find out about this and so now I'm alone, but happy!
 
King: Everything wise I could possibly say about you splitting with your girlfriend have already been said, so I can just offer a petty *pats shoulder*. :erk: You will ride out the storm eventually.


A couple of hours ago, when I got home from a very ineffective study session (in microeconomics) I really felt like shit. The exam for this course are on wednesday, and I think I won't pass this one. If I fail it, it will be the first exam/test ever that I haven't passed. But that was not the main reason for my moodiness; the main reason was that I don't think I want to continue doing this (studying public administration, that is). So I came home, and I got to say that I was rather pathetic (my thoughts were along the lines of "omg *cry* my life is ruined :cry: I won't be able to finish any education becuz I won't be able to afford it, poor me, I'll never smile again" etc. So I took the catalogue with info on uni courses and programmes and lied down on my bed to see if there were any alternatives for a wretched soul like me. And what happened then was something that is very unusual for me; I saw possibilities instead of problems and came up with a plan B. :) It feels very good now, at least.
 
King Chaos said:
@TNB: I'll talk to her eventually, I mean at the moment she doesnt even know If I recieved the text or anything, so I'll have to let her know some how that I'm aware we are no longer an item. Funny what you said about the rain falling, it's a good metaphor for one of the things I've been using to deal with it. I look at two of my friends who suffered what I have and think, although its quite mean, I'm not the only one in pain. For some reason just the fact that Im not the only person in the world suffering makes me feel so much better. I'm mean.
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Okay... fair enough.

I love that quote and I use it very often as a comfort. A bit corny maybe, but still... a good way to percieve things from where I'm standing.

And it's not mean to realize that other people have problems, it's a fact. People DO suffer...for even worse reasons. And if it helps to feel better, rock on. Be glad it's not something that would definitely tear you apart. This is a normal part of our lives, KC. People come and go from our lives and we learn... what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger!

I didn't want to sound harsh, I just wanted to tell you that if you found your little remedy, stick to it..
 
@ Gavin: :erk: :( :cry: *hugs* That's so stupid of her, to break up via an sms after over 2 years. I wonder if she realises what she's just done. There have been times when i've been "bored" in my relationship, but i'd never ever break up with my boyfriend because of something like that. Probably everyone gets bored of it sometimes, but that's no reason to run away from the whole thing. I think that if she really loves you, and if the reason for this really was boredom, she'll come back begging you to forgive her and take her back.

ps: i didn't read all of the stuff that other people said, so someone might have told you this already

NF: Meh.
 
Child of Time said:
King: Everything wise I could possibly say about you splitting with your girlfriend have already been said, so I can just offer a petty *pats shoulder*. :erk: You will ride out the storm eventually.
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Thanks dude... And good look with the whole Uni thing. Money is shit when you dont have it. It's good that you're keeping your chin up though and looking for the other oppotunities. I applied for a course I didn't really want to do and it's too late to get out of it now. People I know who've been on it say it's absolute crap. so in a couple of years I might be in a similar situation to you :)

idari said:
@ Gavin: *hugs* That's so stupid of her, to break up via an sms after over 2 years. I wonder if she realises what she's just done. There have been times when i've been "bored" in my relationship, but i'd never ever break up with my boyfriend because of something like that. Probably everyone gets bored of it sometimes, but that's no reason to run away from the whole thing. I think that if she really loves you, and if the reason for this really was boredom, she'll come back begging you to forgive her and take her back.

ps: i didn't read all of the stuff that other people said, so someone might have told you this already
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Whether people said it already or not is quite irrelevant, its just really nice to know you care and also think that ending it in a text was Lame.

I had a dream last night where she came back to me actually. Then I woke up. ouch! Not the best morning, but Im feeling a bit better today. Now and then I cave in on myself and start thinking about it all, but I can see light at the end of the tunnel.
 
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