Not-so-good-and-old "How do you feel" thread

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http://storage.msn.com/s1pZ8pl_R1n1...S1D47vGU4-Osw/00.jpg?MdToken=2164542208257947 That's my Ex. She lays their beside another man. A man who was pathetic enough to buy a plain shirt and write how much he wants to kill me on it, because I was with '^said' Ex... and he wasn't. And now I lay beside no one, absolutely fuicking destroyed. Mentally I'm nothing now. After requesting politely (in text messages HAHAHAHAHAHA Fucking HA) to meet with '^said' Ex, Im accused of harrasment. I wanted her to just look me in the eye, so I could see if she is absolutely souless, or see if there was a shadow of regret. And I'm accused of harrasment. I wanted to know how, after I dedicated my life to her, She could throw me away and fuck my absolute worst enemy (who lives... Can you fucking believe it... on my street) . And I'm accused of harrasment (Sp?f?). And now, I sit here, on a forum, fucked up, Babbling. you want to hear something EMO (you knit picking twats, all caring about one's own purpose and not, well, other peoples purpose) If I was ever gonna fucking take my life it would be right fucking now. Would that be exciting? *nods* hahaha. I hope if I look back on this, I see it as a chronicle, and not me being an absolute cunt on my fav forum (I really wanted to fit 'Teh' in to that sentence :smug: ). This isn't me, that's pretty improtant. And what we think and feel is absolutely abstract to one another. This is what I feel. Good night.

Nf: Its gonna be alright. :zzz:
 
@KC its good to write things out and read ones own thoughts. But this is going to take time ,just keep busy. I'm sure there is a young woman somewhere near your place that would enjoy your company. Find her, she's out there.
Why don't you get rid of the photos of her, they serve no purpose except keeping her memory alive. The good thing is that memories are meant to fade they were designed that way for a reason.
Please be careful with all that talk of accused harassment(real or imagined). Once its out there it can never be stopped. And then she will be the victim in all of this. And like many others she will play that role so well.
Trying to find something positive in all of this, I think you have shown that you can make an emotional commitment, its just sad that you chose the wrong person to share this.
Someday you will find that person who is worthy of your love. And its gonna be alright.
Good luck -
 
Gav: :erk: Seriously, your ex is so fucked up. She's a stupid selfish slut, and she's definitely not worth your love or your thoughts. She's not worth shit, so forget her. There's someone much better out there for you, because you're an awesome guy.
 
@kc: from my experience, it is quite normal to go through a sequence of moods following a breakup that one deems undeserved. at the onset, you were sad rather than resentful, because your love for her still dominated your feelings. i remember seeing that in your first posts, how you sort of felt powerless but not angered by the fact that she was "bored with you". now you're trying to reconstruct your identity without her, and some extreme psychological device is often needed to put some distance between the self and someone that was so important in defining it until yesterday but no longer there. this device turns out to be aggression more often than not, and in my opinion it's still better than, say, manic depression - it sort of preserves you more cleanly, although i might be saying that only because it's my favorite strategy too. anyway, most of the hate you are feeling at the moment is just a way to keep your integrity, so i wouldn't worry: it's necessary and even good. the fact that outside events feed it - her behavior, her new boyfriend, their friends who scorn and mock you - is immaterial, in the sense that it's not really the point. now you have these facts to cling to, but even if they weren't there you'd probably find other similar facts. on the other hand, her present actions and attitudes and the way she dumped you are linked: it's self-fulfilling, in the sense that if someone has the gall to break a steady relationship simply because she's bored with the routine then it's not so strange that she will then behave in a silly way. this is just to say that what she's doing now is consistent with what she did before, and that's where the real problem lies. so hate all you want, i would probably hate even more. but the next step is asking yourself how come you were attracted by such a person and how come you fell in love with her. sometimes we learn surprising things about our own desires, and which ones we should try and ward off, which ones we should fine-tune etc, exactly by way of these dramatic events. when you've gained knowledge of what led you to her, and what you want to keep/shed of these driving forces, you'll find a renewed sense of the self. at that point, you will feel disdain and lack of trust not only toward her as a person, but toward what she stands for: but specific hate won't poison your waking and sleeping hours anymore. trust me on this. :)
 
KC: Don't do anything now you would regret later. You're out of school, so try to get some distance to her. If you see her, move on. If you think of her, get other thoughts. Don't ring her up or send any form of message to her.
I think that we're quite similar and I care for you, don't ask why because I can't explain, but it's this way. Speak with us or your "offline-friends" about all this and try to get your head clean!

BTW: Who sent you the pic? With any comment? (How do you know where and when the pic was taken?) I would be interested in these facts...
 
Don't know what to say KC... I think all the others have basically said it all. I would agree on what hyena said, especially on that part where you need to ask yourself about what attracted you to her.. what was so special in her, what did you love her.. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't spend two years with someone like her if you had been familiar to the kind of person she is.
You're so much better than her and again, I must excerpt a part of someone else's post, this time from La Rocque's namely the part about realizing that you can be emotional commited and devoted and love so deeply. That is a nice thing and a nice quality, so that's one good point.
Just take care of yourself, let it all out in the way you best know and forget all unhappy thoughts.. look around you, surely you'll find many beautiful things.

NF: Veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery happy. I found out yesterday that I got a scholarship from Swedish Institute. That means I'll be in Sweden from January next year till I think June, studying in "folkhögskola". The best part is that the school's situated veeeery close to my dream city Göteborg... about 60 km from it :) I wouldn't pick a better location myself :) I'm sooooo happy!!!!!! Can't believe I got the scholarship *jumps around the room screaming* And everything else seems fine, so.. I'm pretty happy.. finally :)
 
Once again you people have my thanks. In truth, there's times when internally I feel completely defeated. Im in a really dark corner, and I don't dare move out of it, for fear of what lies in the darkness surrounding me. At least my back is to the wall and Im facing forwards. As my strength returns to me I will begin to take steps. At the moment my key concern is my sanity. I'm worried also about confrontation. My actions last night are a log on the fire. Chances are, now my enemies will be going out of their way to spite me. The injustice boils my blood. Still, there are times when I'm peaceful, like now... and I have you guys to thank for that. Claudia, for her analysis, which gives me a window, and obstacles become more clear without doubt. Your logic never siezes to amaze me. Santu and Caro, for the criticisms which parallel my own of the ex. Not many have the guts to just say, 'She's fucked up', and it really helps when they do. If it's not popular opinion then I'm a minority (thats a pathetic way of seeing it, but as Ive said, it helps to not be alone in my opinion here). Daniel, you can relate, and it's a load off my mind that through the pain you can prevail (not that there were many doubts, but it's just reassuring to have a case before me). You're Such a cool guy and I like to fantasize that we are a like in this aspect :p . A big thanks to Diana and La Rocque aswell, you should have recieved something, or are about to recieve something for your words. EDIT: TNB, The last sentence you wrote, it struck a chord with me. There's beauty everywhere and I want to see it, and I'll try despite my confussion. I wish others could see the beauty though, some people take things for granted.

@Schwedentod: The pic is from her new MSN profile. Up until recently it was her old one which is plastered with phrases incongruence to how much she adored me. The new changes have just deleted me and the bands she claimed to love (DT, Nevermore, Oldmans Child) It still says she's in a Long-term Relationship though. The picture is of her waking up in bed. She doesn't own a camera... The quality suggests it's a camera phone. One can tell she hasn't taken it herself, and I can't think of anyone else who'd be laying in her bed taking pictures of her sleeping than her new Boyfriend. I might be wrong I guess, but that's the way I deducted it immediately. She looks unhappy though I think. In a sick self-centred way, I really hope she is, and I hope things don't work out for her.

I dedicate this next track to her :p
 
TheNewBuild said:
NF: Veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery happy. I found out yesterday that I got a scholarship from Swedish Institute. That means I'll be in Sweden from January next year till I think June, studying in "folkhögskola". The best part is that the school's situated veeeery close to my dream city Göteborg... about 60 km from it :) I wouldn't pick a better location myself :) I'm sooooo happy!!!!!! Can't believe I got the scholarship *jumps around the room screaming* And everything else seems fine, so.. I'm pretty happy.. finally :)
Click to expand...

Which city are you going to be in? "60 km from Göteborg" sounds oddly familiar :D
 
@gav: eh, my amazing logic... :p

nf: good. honestly. i went out for dinner with a guy and a girl - the guy is a friend of mine whom i've been hanging out with for about three years now, the girl is his new housemate. that was the third time i ever hung out with her and i must say that i haven't taken such an intense instant liking to anyone else in recent times (and no, i'm not gay. i'm not saying i like her sexually. :p ). really, she brings to life memories of a loop i've been out of for far too long. you know when you don't know you were missing something until you stumble into it again?
 
King Chaos said:
Daniel, you can relate, and it's a load off my mind that through the pain you can prevail (not that there were many doubts, but it's just reassuring to have a case before me). You're Such a cool guy and I like to fantasize that we are a like in this aspect :p .
Click to expand...

Thanks for your words, this really means a lot to me! I don't know if I'm a cool guy, don't think so. But I feel fine when being able to help someone. And it's nice to see that my words (as well as all the other words from the other guys/ girls around) helped in some way!
Otherwise, I've got a feeling that I had less problems forgetting Andrea than you have. This makes me sad, because I couldn't help as much as I tried to...

@TNB: Cool to hear, congratulations! What's the city called? I will go and study in Skövde from August, hopefully learn some more swedish (language course) from the end of July in Kristianstadt or Växjö. Unfortunately, I'll leave at the end of december, would have been nice to meet you there...

NF: Telephoned with a girl I got to know last Friday for about 2 hours or even more... Don't know what I should think. Can't imagine a relationship (with her and with any other girl) but she's quite attractive...
 
NF: Feelin' good. Had Chinese food with my parents, going to get start on some web design stuff, and I chucked at this.
 
NF: *yawn* a little tired, a little drunk. Beyond that i don't really know.
 
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