Not-so-good-and-old "How do you feel" thread
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DragonLady1
Firesoul
oh 
just feel sad, sometimes it just makes me mad that I'm so afraid of being close to someone and always end alone again at the end...
just feel sad, sometimes it just makes me mad that I'm so afraid of being close to someone and always end alone again at the end...
@ caro: i guess that's just the way things are after a good relationship breaks up. but if you don't expect other relationships to be similar to the ones you had, they will probably turn out even better. don't think of what might be. it's a waste of time, although i have to say i'm in this boat as well.
nf: average. six hours till i have to get up again, and i'm not even tired yet :-/
nf: average. six hours till i have to get up again, and i'm not even tired yet :-/
Schwedentod
Member
@Caro: Try to keep distance and live your life for some time. Then, maybe, you will be able to find a person with which you're sure to be the right one and then (!) get close to him.
NF: Bad. My throat starts to hurt again, I think I'll get ill again. Bad luck. Will have to go to a doctor today or tomorrow... But my coffee will give me some first aid! (never loosing my sarcasm...)
NF: Bad. My throat starts to hurt again, I think I'll get ill again. Bad luck. Will have to go to a doctor today or tomorrow... But my coffee will give me some first aid!
(never loosing my sarcasm...)
DragonLady1
Firesoul
thanx guys...
@mal, yeah I know, its not even that I'm looking for something but everytime someone tries to come closer to me it makes me afraid and the last times I broke these walls of fear it all went wrong again so yeah, its better to be alone now and not expect anything
@daniel, thanx, since I'm single again (well since a year now) I really did so many things and just lived a life for me, its fine really. just sometimes getting into emotional chaos. and weird, I feel that the longer I'm alone and single the more its difficult to trust again and be close again... just to say there was really only one person since my ex where I felt totally good and right being close to him but ehm yeah, that one wasnt meant to be either so whatever....
anyway hope u wont get ill, take some vitamins? but coffee is fine too
@mal, yeah I know, its not even that I'm looking for something but everytime someone tries to come closer to me it makes me afraid and the last times I broke these walls of fear it all went wrong again so yeah, its better to be alone now and not expect anything
@daniel, thanx, since I'm single again (well since a year now) I really did so many things and just lived a life for me, its fine really. just sometimes getting into emotional chaos. and weird, I feel that the longer I'm alone and single the more its difficult to trust again and be close again... just to say there was really only one person since my ex where I felt totally good and right being close to him but ehm yeah, that one wasnt meant to be either so whatever....
anyway hope u wont get ill, take some vitamins? but coffee is fine too
Schwedentod
Member
DragonLady1 said:
Aren't you close to friends and trust them?
I mean, my best friends, Eva and Martin (Eagle)... I trust them in whatever there is. I'm sure I could lay my life in their hands and they would handle with care. They've been there for me when I was down (e.g. 3 months ago when the shit with Andrea happened) and this proved me real friendship. And - of course - I'll be there for them, too!
In some way, I love them both. And this post shall be a "Thank you" to them, although they'll never read it (I think...).
On the other Hand: Andrea was some sort of best friend for me, too, and I trusted her. Now I know that this was a big mistake, but in the end you're always more intelligent and I surely learned my lesson.
DragonLady1
Firesoul
hm yeah of course I have best friends that I trust and am close to but u know what I mean, trust in relation is a bit different, I think it needs a step more to take...
i guess it gets harder with each relationship that breaks apart - your own standards rise higher since you wouldn't tolerate stuff anymore that bothered you in the past - and the fear to hurt and be hurt grows each time, since you always get to know another weakness of yourself.
what i'm trying to tell myself though is that future relationships won't have these difficulties to begin with, but on the other hand i just wish to be 14 again, naive beyond hope and being in love with every girl that came around the corner. it was just so much easier back then.
but then again, all the difficulties nowadays are self-made. i could still give 110% - i just need to get my head clear of the notion that i had something to lose. nobody has, in fact.
what i'm trying to tell myself though is that future relationships won't have these difficulties to begin with, but on the other hand i just wish to be 14 again, naive beyond hope and being in love with every girl that came around the corner. it was just so much easier back then.
but then again, all the difficulties nowadays are self-made. i could still give 110% - i just need to get my head clear of the notion that i had something to lose. nobody has, in fact.
DragonLady1
Firesoul
I so agree with this malaclypse... I wish I could let myself fall again in those naive love stories... the strange thing is that what happened this year was kind of something really dreamy and at least from my side very naive as I see it now but it was so good, even if in the back of my reason I knew it wasnt meant to stay but then again I didnt even care about this since at the moment it happened it was just great and gave me a lot of strenght and positive energy... it was a risk to take and I took it, yeah I could have said no and avoid these moments of inner chaos and sadness at the end but I didnt mind about it, cause every moment was worth it....
exactly - if you had said no, where would you be now? with less good memories. people think so much about how their life should be, how they want it to be, that they spend half of their life planning and organizing it. it's hard to change this attitude since it's all around us, but i see that i will live better with this attitude (heh, and thinking about the future again)
Nf: In the mood to spread some negativity around. Thanks to the National Day or whatever to call it I've had today off but tomorrow it's off to work again. I don't want to go. Actually, it's just an internship and not "real" work. Real work is impossible to get these days unless your uncle's lover's boyfriend's football buddy's aunt's ex-husband's stepchild's father's best friend is an "employer" who needs people but will only hire those he knows. Oh, did I mention you need 2 billion years of experience, a driving license and a Ph.D in nuclear physics? If you want to wipe tables at a brothel, that is.
Anyway. I've had one internship, but couldn't stay because they didn't have the time to tutor me, which is a shame because I liked that place. Sure, I had the "I wish I could stay at home and sleep"-thoughts with that one as well, but I went every day and worked from 8.00 until 17.00 because I liked it, never took a half-day (to which I'm entitled) or anything. With this new place, I've had one day off (was sick) and one half-day despite only having been there 3 weeks. It's not all bad, it's just... there seems to be a lot of tension among the staff. A lot of talking shit... There were similar problems at the last place I was at as well, but that wasn't their sole topic of conversation and they were a lot friendlier and more open by nature I think.
I should probably have known better than choosing such a place for an internship, anyway. I may like animals and being around them, but I'm more of an academic and most people choosing to work with animals aren't, so there's not really any common ground... Then again, it probably doesn't help that I'm the quiet kind, either
Best day I had there was when it was 22 degrees and sunny and I was outside mending a paddock fence up on a hill, far away from everyone else with only the occasional horse to walk by at times. Because I do like the animals.
Oh well, it's only for the end of June anyway.
Anyway. I've had one internship, but couldn't stay because they didn't have the time to tutor me, which is a shame because I liked that place. Sure, I had the "I wish I could stay at home and sleep"-thoughts with that one as well, but I went every day and worked from 8.00 until 17.00 because I liked it, never took a half-day (to which I'm entitled) or anything. With this new place, I've had one day off (was sick) and one half-day despite only having been there 3 weeks. It's not all bad, it's just... there seems to be a lot of tension among the staff. A lot of talking shit... There were similar problems at the last place I was at as well, but that wasn't their sole topic of conversation and they were a lot friendlier and more open by nature I think.
I should probably have known better than choosing such a place for an internship, anyway. I may like animals and being around them, but I'm more of an academic and most people choosing to work with animals aren't, so there's not really any common ground... Then again, it probably doesn't help that I'm the quiet kind, either
Best day I had there was when it was 22 degrees and sunny and I was outside mending a paddock fence up on a hill, far away from everyone else with only the occasional horse to walk by at times.
Because I do like the animals. Oh well, it's only for the end of June anyway.
It may be me, but I havent found out more about my weaknesses. That might be because I think I know pretty good about my weaknesses already I think what changes most are the things you look for and the things to avoid because you have a hard time tolerating them, which overall is a good thing imo. Maybe your mistake is that you generalize too much. The mistakes from previous relations arent necessarily coming back, in fact, another relation always means a new start, and every new relation is begun with more experience than the one before
I think what changes most are the things you look for and the things to avoid because you have a hard time tolerating them, which overall is a good thing imo. Maybe your mistake is that you generalize too much. The mistakes from previous relations arent necessarily coming back, in fact, another relation always means a new start, and every new relation is begun with more experience than the one before 
marduk1507
Member
@NL: wow, so much for the swedish living standard . No, sorry, but seriously, here (in slovakia) everybody is talking about how cool sweden is, that the taxes are very high, but the services people get are really good. But maybe its not about that, its just that getting a decent job is difficult everywhere. Im starting a small business with friends, cause Ive seen so many jerks making money in my field and I couldnt stand the fact that Im wasting my time teaching idiots and listening to my idiotic superiors and colleauges´shit talking. But you still study if Im not mistaken, so maybe there will be some more chances in england?
. No, sorry, but seriously, here (in slovakia) everybody is talking about how cool sweden is, that the taxes are very high, but the services people get are really good. But maybe its not about that, its just that getting a decent job is difficult everywhere. Im starting a small business with friends, cause Ive seen so many jerks making money in my field and I couldnt stand the fact that Im wasting my time teaching idiots and listening to my idiotic superiors and colleauges´shit talking. But you still study if Im not mistaken, so maybe there will be some more chances in england?On the other hand, I have mixed feelings about the whole concept of 'experience' applied to relationships. There's people who stay with their highschool sweetheart for all their lives and never think seriously about breaking up. There's people who have dozens of lovers and several marriages, yet they never make it work. I've learnt something about human behavior from my relationships, but I sort of think that it is just because you are observing how someone else is with extra attention. It's not related to the fact that you are in a relationship per se. The same facts I could have understood by looking at friends, relatives, acquaintances - I was just paying closer attention to x because x was my boyfriend.
rahvin
keeper of the flame
solefald
Vheissu
NF: great and exited!!!!!!!!!!!!Just found out that mighty ISIS will play in Karlsruhe near my town in July!!!!!!!!!!One of my all fave of all time!!! Cant believe that.(And I hope they dont cancel it)
rahvin said:good lord, that's so metal.
if i had said 'unknown was my boyfriend', would it have been emo?
@marduk: Technically, I'm long-term unemployed, as I graduated last year and thought I'd take a year off to work and get some money together before going off to university abroad. So for me, there is light at the end of the tunnel These internships are a way of getting people to do something; ie they work normal hours at some place, but the city council (or "kommun", not quite sure how it translates) pays your salary (which is about 482 per month, 355 after tax) and so employers get free staff. It's good for getting work experience; however I'd prefer a real job.
There are hardly any jobs available, and so they're difficult to get - mainly because hiring someone is taking a big economical risk. Say an employer's total expenses for you in 1 year is 300 000. 100 000 of those you never see, because the employer has to pay the government for having you employed. The rest of the money is your official salary, but 100 000 of that you never see except on paper because that goes straight to the government in tax. What is left, 100 000, is what you get to keep. (EDIT: Just wanted to point out these numbers aren't exactly 100% accurate, the point was showing that more than 50% of what is paid out goes to teh government.)
And as for starting up a business here? Most who try say it's very difficult. In a socialist state, attempts at capitalism are not encouraged and so new, small businesses are drowned in paperwork and bureaucracy, not to mention the high cost of actually hiring someone.
So yeah, taxes are high, and yeah, standard of living is good, especially compared to elsewhere in the world. But with the world's highest taxes, I reckon it could be a hell of a lot better. Especially with so few inhabitants to support. We're told there's no money for schools, health care and care for the elderly, that we have to save. So I wonder where all the money goes? My mother works (technically) for the government. They've decided to save money so instead of Windows they've switched to Linux (my mother can't even sent a simple SMS - imagine her using Linux. Yeah. Most of the staff is like her in computer literacy) because it's free, and their new phone company is something very cheap called dotcom that makes the phones not work most of the time. This could all be fine and dandy if my mother didn't work at a prison where phones are quite necessary sometimes, and where you're not allowed to bring in mobile phones.
Heh. One can tell I'm, going to study politics at university Ought to give me ample room to rant at least. I'm done now.
Good luck with the company though
These internships are a way of getting people to do something; ie they work normal hours at some place, but the city council (or "kommun", not quite sure how it translates) pays your salary (which is about 482 per month, 355 after tax) and so employers get free staff. It's good for getting work experience; however I'd prefer a real job.There are hardly any jobs available, and so they're difficult to get - mainly because hiring someone is taking a big economical risk. Say an employer's total expenses for you in 1 year is 300 000. 100 000 of those you never see, because the employer has to pay the government for having you employed. The rest of the money is your official salary, but 100 000 of that you never see except on paper because that goes straight to the government in tax. What is left, 100 000, is what you get to keep. (EDIT: Just wanted to point out these numbers aren't exactly 100% accurate, the point was showing that more than 50% of what is paid out goes to teh government.)
And as for starting up a business here? Most who try say it's very difficult. In a socialist state, attempts at capitalism are not encouraged and so new, small businesses are drowned in paperwork and bureaucracy, not to mention the high cost of actually hiring someone.
So yeah, taxes are high, and yeah, standard of living is good, especially compared to elsewhere in the world. But with the world's highest taxes, I reckon it could be a hell of a lot better. Especially with so few inhabitants to support. We're told there's no money for schools, health care and care for the elderly, that we have to save. So I wonder where all the money goes? My mother works (technically) for the government. They've decided to save money so instead of Windows they've switched to Linux (my mother can't even sent a simple SMS - imagine her using Linux. Yeah. Most of the staff is like her in computer literacy) because it's free, and their new phone company is something very cheap called dotcom that makes the phones not work most of the time. This could all be fine and dandy if my mother didn't work at a prison where phones are quite necessary sometimes, and where you're not allowed to bring in mobile phones.
Heh. One can tell I'm, going to study politics at university
Ought to give me ample room to rant at least. I'm done now.Good luck with the company though
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