Not-so-good-and-old "How do you feel" thread

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NF: i'm awake since 4.20am and i'm not even sleepy, my head is floating, but not for sleepiness. the vacation itself wasn't bad, but 1:i wasn't in the mood for this kind of vacation, but at the last moment i couldn't say no, 2:it was useful mostly to make me sure of the fact that amongst these friends that i have here i feel like a giant keyboard in a wood, they sure are nice persons, very kind with me, but still i feel very alone and that i really have no one to talk seriously to. this shouldn't happen with friends, i have very little in common with them, i think i have very little in common with anyone, not in a positive way. all this adds to my feeling (almost sureness now) of lacking what is needed to have decent friendships and a decent relationship. the last one is definitely what is pressing me more, due to the recent break up. i don't want a boyfriend now, i want my ex, sure, but it seems like i didn't give him a reason to fall in love with me when i we were together, i missed my chance, so here i am, afraid of doing that again. i just want to rip my skin away(i'd have something else to think about, wow).
i also want to stop whining on this board, and it's not hard as ripping all my skin away, so i'll do something about that.

positive thing: this week i'm going to the uni to complete my registration there, soon i'll also meet someone that is starting the same course as me in the same uni this year.
 
@hiljainen: i don't think people are supposed to give others good reasons to fall in love with them, also because there's plenty of individuals in the world who fall in love for the stupidest reasons anyway. not that i feel any different. but in your case there's time to create things in common with someone. obviously just waiting for them to magically appear is not the way, yet i'm confident that a little patience will go a long way: your current friends are not the world, and only the laziest among us stop looking because the landscape so far hasn't been very promising.
 
I just woke up, which reminded me that not long ago, I woke up next to this beautiful woman.. needless to say that I feel lonely almost every morning :(
 
*Tries not to read too much into that* edit: relating to evil teddy.

NF: Annoyed/Irritated/Frustrated. I can't figure out multisession DVD's. :bah: (As in, wrote the first session, and now can't seem to get the data back off the disc, at this stage it looks like I CAN'T until I either fill up the disc of close the session.
 
Hiljainen said:
@rahvin: i'm just afraid it's always going to be like this, with the help of me being interesting and smart like a empty bottle of bad tasting beer (yes, i just drank the ending of a beer, warm :ill: ).
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as you well know from your days as a spectator to my downward spiral, it takes a little more than just some generic appreciation for your wits and smarts in order for things to change. i can't tell you that they will, or that they will for good, but you'll certainly meet people who find you interesting and clever, or people who like warm beer (eugh). don't rely too much on words of praise or reassurances: they're often taken away without notice. some don't lie, though. and some will remain, in time, for whatever it's worth and to whichever end.


did you get my message btw?
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yes. i was terribly occupied harvesting 15000 units of lumber (don't ask) at the moment, so i'll reply now.
 
@hiljainen: i think you should stop drinking warm beer, it's no wonder that you're depressed. aside from this, i concur with what rahvin just said: appreciation is a double-edged sword, in a way. there's people who genuinely like you and they also tell you, but they like you because you occupy a certain space in their system: as soon as you start trying to merge your own with theirs, they recoil and possibly they don't even like you any more. some people, like me, tend to think that maybe they might just fit into the other person's system, but the world is too complicated for that (because maybe there's other systems pushing just as hard, because passions poison the mind, because identity matters, because excessive drinking makes people sick). some other people, like rahvin if i understand correctly, refuse the very idea of not having a choice where the referring system is concerned. i wouldn't say that appreciation expressed by people who want to rule the world and specifically your world is fake, especially because it can come with a tr00 interest towards your opinions, feelings, perceptions: but very often the problem of humans is, still, that we don't know how to receive.

all of this rant in order to say that things change when you meet someone who thinks that you matter, and this is not really bound to happen or not happen. only, it doesn't show extra strong correlation with the signs of appreciation that you receive. this said by someone who melted at reading "seeing you smile warms my heart" just yesterday. ah, consistency. :p
 
hyena said:
@some other people, like rahvin if i understand correctly, refuse the very idea of not having a choice where the referring system is concerned.
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not that refusing ever meant rahvin ended up with a serious choice about it, so this kind of resistence can be pretty futile even if one is consistent. as to how to receive, i'll try fireballs next time.

btw, i'm going to reply to your mail tomorrow. i had once already, but the result made slightly less sense than the song title below.
 
@rahve: no, it's not you that is not able to receive. btw, my office mailbox is full to the brim and i'm stupid because i didn't compress it before leaving. i'm going to ireland tomorrow, will check my email until about noon but if you can make it tonight i'd be glad (i'll be in a hurry tmw and i don't know about my next mailcheck, because i don't even have a mobile phone anymore. but i haven't been drinking for three days).

oh, and stop listening to songs with horrid titles. :p
 
hyena said:
@but if you can make it tonight i'd be glad (i'll be in a hurry tmw and i don't know about my next mailcheck, because i don't even have a mobile phone anymore. but i haven't been drinking for three days).
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what's the point of not drinking if you don't have a mobile phone? :err:
ok, i'll make it tonight. my full schedule featuring hours upon hours of absolutely nothing to do will wait, just for you.


oh, and stop listening to songs with horrid titles. :p
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when you stop listening to depressing songs.
but ok, the next title is actually very good.
 
i see your point, but i'm in one of these stupid phases when i actually believe that using my mobile will save me from a disaster. :lol: i moved the whole thing to emails and landline tho, so there's no real gain, i could spare losing the thing.

thanks for the future email. remember to target it at my home address.

as for songs, winamp is being a bit silly today.

i'll stop spamming the forum now. need to clean my flat, wait for a call that will compromise my well-being, and buy a new phone. :hotjump:
 
rahvin said:
yes. i was terribly occupied harvesting 15000 units of lumber (don't ask) at the moment, so i'll reply now.
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You slack bastard! :p j/k Did you win?

Northern Viking said:
lol Spike, read into that whatever you want :p
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You bastard. :bah: Actually no, I think I would rather not still. Some complications I can do without.

Rusty said:
Don't give him that kind of invitation, it'll probably take at least half an hour to read his next reply now you've said that. :p
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No. :Smug:
 
Hiljainen said:
i want my ex, sure, but it seems like i didn't give him a reason to fall in love with me when i we were together, i missed my chance, so here i am, afraid of doing that again.
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you don't need to give someone a reason to fall in love with you. they either do or they don't. and if he doesn't see something special in you, then you're better off with someone else.

nf: i should take my own advice. but i can't believe it's been less than a month and already he's out partying and had a date. didn't i mean anything?
 
@rahvin, hyena, li: thank you for the advices, i'm just very very bubu (whatever this means), i fall into this way of thinking quite often, or better i live with this way of thinking except for when i'm doing something/i'm with someone that makes me feel worth something, then it ends, and i start again. it's hard to explain, but it seems like the most true explanation in my head, and i can't get rid of it. i have a whiny and cruel mind :err: .

@li: :( *hugs* i have nothing even barely wise to say.
 
... :p

NF: crap. after being on a train for 8 hrs, i get to the hostel only to find out it was closed yesterday as it is now officially "off season" ... im not planning to pay 100 US dlrs for a room, so ill either spend all night online at this cafe, or sleep in some street corner like some bum :(
self-pity at highest level
 
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