Not-so-good-and-old "How do you feel" thread

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NF: Soaked. I came back home on my cousin's boat (a rather simple model at that, so no roofs and stuff :p) and it was raining. Ran home from the "harbor", and am somewhat sweaty now. If I had some reason for going to take a shower (other than being sweaty), I probably would. Since it's still raining I don't know if I'm going for beers today after all, but we'll see.
Goddamn that Momo steering wheel & pedals set is awesome.
 
NF: I was good, now i'm feeling stressed and a bit screwed up. Spoke with my mum a bit more about some things, which is weird since i never have really spoken to her of anything semi-important. Also went out with my family for part of the day which was nice. Then tonight i finally got to see my best friend for the first time in weeks (he's been away), which was great.. watched a movie and walked around just chatting about our lives as usual. I even told him some things i've never talked about before with him. But that's probably not entirely a good thing, i think it's more to do with my lack of awareness of what i'm actually saying rather than anything else.

Now i'm home and it takes a mere few minutes to take me out of my good mood as my mind wanders onto the inevitable. I'm thankful most of the day was fine though. If i can be fine for most of the day and only hurt for a small section then i guess that's a good thing considering. Right now is one of the hurtful points in the day though, as i yet again question what the heck has happened and find nothing that resembles an answer.

I still need to make a decision too, it seems i'm going in half day cycles where i settle on one option in quite a sure manner, only to quickly change my mind again.

I also feel like an annoying whining emo person at the moment..

And I'm really tired and i think that is making me feel worse, so i will go sleep...
 
I read books the whole day, from this morning to now, it gives a nice feeling of being out of the world and forgetting everything, though after i stop for some time my brain isn't numb anymore and i start to think again, and this is not good at all :erk:
 
NF: Full. Was supposed to go for those beers with a friend, but while going there we decided to call a friend who was at a party and bla bla...why am I writing this since it doesn't even have much to do with how I'm feeling? I guess it's cause I'm still slightly drunk. Well, we went to the party and drank a bit...4 beers is quite enough to get me drunk, even though we were there for hours, guess that says something about how often and how much I drink. Good thing I didn't drink too much, too. We went for the Finnish equalent of fish & chips (makkaraperunat, for the Finns) on the way home, which is why I'm full. There, didn't take too long to get there.
I'm feeling satisfied with myself knowing that I didn't go over the top with drinking. I guess this is enough for a couple of months, or years.

Whew. Better go sleep soon. :)
 
nf:

i know what mindfuck means now. i don't need no more lecter fanfiction, i just had the real thing. i'm exhilarated, enthusiastic, impassioned, and i have no intentions.

now, if everything goes according to plan:

#1: nice guy to build stuff with.

#2: former flame, now co-author, friend, adviser.

#3: quintessential whim, plus can't stop thinking to the brink and living like you've never lived before (people who listened to semi-unknown metal ten years ago will be able to place that).

i feel like a very rich looter. now i just need to forget that i have to wake up in 7 hours to go pick amy up at the airport. :eek:
 
nf: BACK at home :(

I had EXCELLENT time at Imatra, visiting Ulahs og Spaas. They´re were both soooooooooooooooooooooooo great! [keeping it short]
I saw also Twilighting, Scent of flesh and Finntroll [and lots of other too..] saturday/today, even though Ftroll and SoF were playing at the club where i should have been 18 to enter.
My first bar expericence.

Bad news: when i got home, i connected to the internet and logged into my messenger.
Before i could blink my eye and sing nationel hymn of Finland backwards, my friend started whining via messenger. He started asking why i am so rude and so full of idontreallycare -attitude nowadays and that sorta stuff - I just told him to fuck off and I logged out of messenger.

Then it hit me:
I realized that I have wait a week for tuska to meet any interesting people and when Tuska is over, so are the best days of this year. it will just get worse.
I dont if i am a shallow person or what, but i could not really care less of that stupid relationship-crap that some of my friends have got right now.

These empty rooms that i now wander around, are really scary in somesorta untypical way if anyone knows the feeling.
 
I just wrote a lengthy post for this thread.. but i think i will refrain from posting it *saves to desktop for own reading and maybe a friend or two if they want*. I've managed to theorise a number of explanations for my current situation, none of them fit exactly but they all could easily be a part of the truth. There's a comfort in potential explanations anyway.. the unknown is always harder to handle.

The last paragraph of the original post:

Sorry about posting the same stuff pretty constantly in this thread, but at some points it's the only thing stopping me feeling even worse.. only way i can collect my thoughts. I alluded previously that i can also be pretty unaware of what i'm saying at the moment too.. And things aren't all bad either, in certain moments a single problem can seem overwhelming and other things lose relevance, and that tends to be when i've made posts here. In truth i don't really know how i should be affected, sometimes i think i'm overreacting, sometimes i think it's justified, other times i brush it aside and feel it's nothing at all compared to most people's problems.

I'll get by anyway..
 
@dave: losing friends is a very painful event, especially when driven by reasons one does not understand. i know i sound trite, but eventually you are going to understand what happened, and you'll decide who was right in this particular circumstance. probably it is going to be a 65-35 mix, if you're anything like me - but it is going to take time. for now, i'd suggest concentrating on other things, then epiphany will come.

@hiljainen: i didn't forget about writing to you, i will do so later in the day if amy gives me some form of respite.

@naku: i think that it is perfectly normal to feel distant from your friends' troubles if the particular troubles are a sign of self-absorption and you're feeling especially projected towards the outside world (meeting people, going to tuska, etc.). but the point is exactly that: they're self-absorbed, so they don't get your motives. maybe you should make an effort to balance your own desires with theirs, if you really care for them. spare a minute to put back into old friendships what you're getting from the new ones.

nf: time for comfort and joy indeed. i'm completely overloaded with the feeling of taking and being taken (and i seem to have developed a preternatural tolerance to alcohol, but that's another story).

in sadder news, i've just realized that i'm totally behind schedule with work. i need to get really organized to make it through to the end of the month. i've got one paper to revise for a journal before july the 26th and another one to write before the 31st. oh shit, if i can be so explicit. this is going to be made harder by my mother visiting next weekend and a friend visiting the following one. i'll probably put both to the task of cleaning my flat. i also need to stop drinking on weekdays until i go on holiday.
 
lumitalvi said:
NF: fighting against depression. Nothing seems to be working now. Happy birthday to me then...hah.
Click to expand...
same here, though without the birthday, don't know if that's worse, or better.
 
got invited to an exhibit about the soviet revolution. i'm toying with the idea, but i need to clean my flat and i have no idea about how i could carry amy anywhere in the center, since cars are not allowed and my scooter is small. this morning was replete with nice text messages.

nf: exceptional.
 
hyena said:
@hiljainen: i didn't forget about writing to you, i will do so later in the day if amy gives me some form of respite.
Click to expand...
no problem, no hurry, i doubt my mood is going to change soon anyway ;)


oh, last night i invented a project with a friend, about a restaurant where we'd cook horribly tasting stuff, and i'd be the one who cooks for happy couples *evil look*
 
Welcome back Jammer :)

NF: I just watched the wedding vid. I almost died of laughter, and i also cried because it was so sweet. Mine and Hippu's porn dance was on it, how nice..I bet mom and dad liked watching that :s And mine and Juha's Wind Of Change was on it :cry: :) :') *teary eyed again* And Juha and i were erm..well, Juha and i :p OMG HE'S LEAVING TOMORROW :cry::cry::cry: NOOOOOOOOO :'(

I'm very mad at my sister right now, for driving me away from the wedding..Now i saw what i missed out on, and i would've had a great time there if my parents hadn't flipped and she hadn't asked me to go home :/ I really wish she hadn't done that. I was disappointed in her when she did.

edit: Omg this is killing me :s Juha can't go..Just when we were back to normal :cry: But i guess i should just think of last weekend..Was one of our best times ever. At least now i know that i mean the world and more to him, and always will even though we won't see each other anymore :/ I'll always just have to remember what he said. This is horrible though. I wish we could just continue like this, like we are now..Though it's better that he's leaving when we're like this, than if he'd left earlier when things weren't right with us. I already miss him :cry: Well, i'll go see him straight away when i can..and i'll call him and text him and OMG why does he have to go :cry: God i love him so much <3<3<3 :cry:
 
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