Not-so-good-and-old "How do you feel" thread

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it's 7:47am, and i'm drunk. it's somewhat likely that i will want to speak to a few prominent personalities of this esteemed board, mainly hyena (when we meet, but even earlier than that), gtranquillity (i might even come visit), villain (same).
 
last night was a little weird. for starters, i smashed my arm against the wall and i think there's something broken now as it's more or less not functioning the way it used to. then there's the fact that i annoyed about ten people with my strong desire for self-destruction: that i more or less forced the teacher i had met the other night to stay out until 2am will probably not work in my favour during exam days. i met old friends in the street and took them home until 4am. i'm currently on the verge of a really awesome crisis.
 
@Gtranquillity: oh thank you very much!! :) I´ll see what I can arrange for myself...
I just haven´t got a tent... :erk: must organize, must!

@rahvin: I´ll be 2 straight hours online from (my time) 12-14. All I have done after the talk has been thinking of you.. coffee and food already?
 
lumitalvi said:
NF: well just shit. Now I have lost my place to stay in Germany. Great. So I´ll just stay home and say bye bye to the Wacken ticket and the airplane tickets. AND the buss-tickets I already purchased also. Just FUCKING AWESOME.
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I lost my accomodation a week before going to finland (only a week or so earlier i was told i could still have it). This also meant i no longer had the person to show me around and help me out who was supposed to. And numerous other things that make the whole thing a lot more screwed up...

But i still chose to go (a hard thing for me to do, not something im generally capable of) and ive ended up having a good time. It's been a different experience to what i originally planned but good nonetheless. Ive been lucky enough to have a few other kind souls to help me out and show me around, which has been great.. so maybe if you'd end up completely alone then it might be a different decision. But if you've already spent the money, then you'd probably sit at home and wonder about whether maybe it would've been good still.. try make it work :)
 
lumitalvi said:
@rahvin: I´ll be 2 straight hours online from (my time) 12-14. All I have done after the talk has been thinking of you.. coffee and food already?
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thank you. as i said, that was really sweet of you. i'm going to get some water and coffee now, but i'm not sure i can eat anything just yet, my stomach is still way upset. :erk:
 
@YaYo: hih, so you had pretty much the same situtation as I´m having. Thanks for the support :). Now I am thinking about going no matter what, I believe I´d hate myself if I´d toss away this opportunity. And some light actually has already been shown in the end of the tunnel. Right now I´d have a place to stay and this other person to trust on 4-9.8. Flight change would be too much trouble, so I´d need to see where I sleep the nights until 12.8. Three nights in a hotel? mmmm... do I have enough money for it?? guhh.
But thank you again. You gave me some strenght with this!
 
NF: Really really stupid. Wondering how many more times I'll keep making the same mistake before I finally learn, if ever.
 
lumitalvi said:
@YaYo: hih, so you had pretty much the same situtation as I´m having. Thanks for the support :). Now I am thinking about going no matter what, I believe I´d hate myself if I´d toss away this opportunity. And some light actually has already been shown in the end of the tunnel. Right now I´d have a place to stay and this other person to trust on 4-9.8. Flight change would be too much trouble, so I´d need to see where I sleep the nights until 12.8. Three nights in a hotel? mmmm... do I have enough money for it?? guhh.
But thank you again. You gave me some strenght with this!
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I ended up staying in a hostel for the whole time (except a few nights at Ulla's brothers place, but i paid for the hostel for those nights anyway... expensive luggage storage, hehe). So this trip cost me significantly more than i first intended, but money can be earnt again.. the experiences a trip can provide are harder to come across. You'd most likely waste some money from cancelling anyway.. better to spend more and at least get something from it, than just throw away money to sit at home and wonder whether it mightve gone ok. imo :p Also, life throws such challenges constantly, cant just give up! Have to make the best of what your opportunities are, even if they arent 'Plan A'.

Just quickly let go of what your original plans were, and work at developing new ones.. i'm sure you'll be fine :)
 
NF: Annoyed and sad. I tried to persuade him to stay, I really did. He's bent on going so I should be supportive if that's what he wants. I tried to cry quietly in the dark but he sensed it and gave me the sweetest kisses for a long time. It might be a consolation that he has some feelings for me. Just unfortunate it's not enough to make him want to stay. Then again, it's selfish for me to wish it.

@everyone going through a shite time: hope you all get through this as best as you can. this sure is a crappy period. my best friend's aunt has about 3 months to live. she's bed-ridden and groans in pain every night.
 
Dark_Jester said:
My parents marriage finally collapsed last night, because my dad is an evil minded bastard. He's told me in particular to leave, and as I'm 21 in August, he has no beneficial duty to me whatsoever. If I want to go to university I have to pay for it, and this means I can no longer afford to spend this semester studying in Sweden. I'm in the process now of packing my things and selling my guitars and other things I can't take with me, and I'm leaving. For the moment at least therefore, it means not much internet access.
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:(

I wish you much strength to solve this!

EDIT: now I read the following pages also (I should get away of that habit to respond too quickly) but still my wishes for you stay the same and it seems already some good solutions brought on the way.
 
Hi Friendz...

Tonight, with an unusual and sudden decision, I am living my hometown for some time. Although I hate sun, getting sun tanned, sea and beaches, although holiday doesn't mean those for me, tonight, I am going to our summer house in another city. I am feeling so bad, so desperate, so about to have a nerves break down. I need to leave this bloody city, where I was born, and where I have been living for 22 years. Only for a week, or two, maybe a bit more. I am not sure yet. What I'm sure about is, I am in the mood to escape. To left everything beside me... And to go... And I am doing this. For a little period of time, I will escape, and will leave all the pains, troubles, worries AND PARENTS behind. At that time, I am not really sure if I can be able to have any access to internet. So.. I hope to see yah later... Take care.... :wave:
 
rahvin: you forgot to add me to the "visit"-list :cry: When you are on the way to Villain anyhow, you can stop by in Helsinki. But you also can come to Germany in autumn.
 
@fireangel: i think the latter is more like it, and actually i'd be pretty surprised if i could make it to visit villain again before the autumn as well. :)

tonight was calmer, a little more pacified than last night. i went to sara's place at eight and we had dinner. later a friend of her called and we went out with her and her boyfriend. i was a little anxious, afraid all my illnesses and worries would compromise their fun, but things went perfectly well. sara's friend owns a winery in a village about 80kms from town and i spent the night asking for info about alcohol consumption, the chances for bands to play there, and anything else that came to my mind, all of which sara's friend was more than happy to reply to. her boyfriend was quite cool as well, obviously way in his thirties and a serious, knowledgeable guy. in the end they begged me to come check out the winery this very week, and i had sara promise me she'd text me if she's going there in the week-end, with her brother. this is weird, because if it ever happens it would be my very first interference in that *other* part of sara's life, the one that doesn't take place in town and that involves her family and childhood friends.
we met another guy who was a friend of the couple but unknown to us. he's a painter and a rather funny person. at the moment of goodbyes he shook my hand and said "so can i kiss your girl now?".
i stood looking at him for a few seconds, without actually registering. a few replies ("who?"; "what the hell are you talking about?"; "in carmine and crimson stood flaming the sky") i dismissed as inappropriate before realizing he was talking about sara. then i went "she's not my girl" at the same time she went "i'm not his girl" and things turned awkward for a short while.

all considered, i've been fabulously. it's relaxing to finally have at least a few outbursts of normal, real life interaction with strangers where nothing i don't want to think about is either mentioned or carefully avoided. i know there's no one who loves me, and i know i have some issues, and i know for the most part of these past few years i've just been mindlessly used in many ways, but it doesn't seem so unbearable now. it appears i can sit still and bear it: the motions, if not the actual feelings, still belong to me, and through this i walk, if not unharmed, clearly unbroken.

as a side note, today federico and i came up with a theory about deities that reaches a literary meaningful conclusion, at the very same time, following the very same pattern. o_O
 
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