Not-so-good-and-old "How do you feel" thread

[Human Desert]

NF: So fragile, empty and lonely. I need to cry and be hugged.

 

[Siren]

@La Rocque: i hope your mom gets perfectly well soon!

@Lolita: i had back-pain a while ago too. as soon as i turned my matress the other side and went swimming, it went away. still, my bad chair and sitting too many hours in wrong positions doesn't help. (i hope any of this can help you.)

 

[Human Desert]

NF: *phew* better. Now i just wish it was friday already so i could get over with this 'kin shit.

 

[Rusty]

NF: Pissed off. Not looking forward to Thursday. Concerned as always about an Italian chap I once met.

 

[OnyxDragon98]

NF: Fine as always, im never feeling good nor bad.

 

[|ngenius]

my boss is going to leave his office for the last time in a matter of minutes.
for many, a boss is just someone to tolerate or a cliched figure, while i honestly admire and like mine. he taught me what to do and how to be good at doing it when i first set foot in this library more than three years ago. it's sad to see him go and sad to think of turning the page. he's getting retired, so that's an act of will and he's happy about it.

on the other hand, i'm feeling terrible and i have dark thoughts about the lack of persistence of people in my life. everyone leaves too soon. my stomach, traditionally upset, is tied in a knot and i can't even take my eyes off the screen to say goodbye: i would break down and cry.

it's always the same, the ones i like move or get retired or more or less anything else you can or cannot imagine so that the comfort of their presence is taken away without hope of returning.

And when are you gonna do the same? When are you gonna step forward and do what you really want to do or seek for it until you find out? It is not like your boss was your wife, it is pretty obvious that if he had to retire, it was something completely natural like having to pass away someday. One can't think of it like unnatural disasters, nor hold on to these facts like stones pushing you down, because they are not.

That doesn't change the fact that I understand that it's hard to let people go when very, very few of them are making you feel really comfortable. Losing one is like losing half of your world, it's ok, I understand but we can't but play along and accept the change. You know that, I know that.

We also know that when one is smart, expects more from life. That's something you have to face, when your expectations are higher, your efforts must be invested in the same proportion. At this point we know that:

A) There are people in the world that make you feel comfortable.

B) They are not playing to touch and hide, unless God has a very odd kind of humor sense. So, they're not gonna run away forever.

C) There's a place for you, but maybe you're not gonna find everything right there turning the corner.

D) Your life is gonna demand higher efforts to provide higher results. This is not a golden rule, but you're not born rich.

E) It is possible that there are things inside you that need to change, some others will be non-negotiable, but everything starts from you. Look within in search of answers, most of them are there waiting for you to dig 'em up.

F) You're already playing on the table and the game has begun. Now, you can play your cards or keep passing, blaming the bad luck or destiny or the days you have to endure, in order to elude the focus of responsibility that, fairly or not, is pointing at you. Are they leaving? Do you think there's any chance that your life might be waiting for you in, say, Tokyo? Go ahead, try it out.


I myself have decided to stop fooling around and assume my part of responsibility on this game. I don't know where my life dwells, nor how to find out, and God knows that I'm alone in this quest, but I fail to see anything else but trying manfully to find out and never give up. Major intellectual capabilities allow us to break some barriers down and invade other countries. Oh, wait, that's poor intellectual capabilities. I meant, that we can use the same time we spend thinking on developing better projects, things that can take us out from this nonsense, instead of waiting or hidding behind our fears.


|ng (His adventure starts soon...)

 

[Taliesin]

*without any reference to rahvin's story!*

Ing, I know what you mean and I really like the way you put that into words, but as always, it's easier said than done.
Ive made the same decision some time ago. I cant hide behind my fears, I have to stand up and take responsibility for my life, start to create it instead of waiting for it to unfold itself. But I dont always have that strength. I cant always stand up in the morning and tell myself "This is gonna be another day during which I will create another piece of my life and future!". But then again, the jurney is the goal

And thanks for reminding me of my decision

I feel better now!

 

[|ngenius]

But I dont always have that strength.

Yeap, often knowing the only way available is not enough, you have to count on the strenght to walk on. Actually, I didn't say anything Rahve doesn't know.

As a matter of fact, he wrote sort of a (mostly boring ) interpretation of Dark Tranquillity's song "The Enemy" which provides an insightful view on the matter. The fear of making a move, the reluctance in accepting potential hurtful situations, the priceless time we spend reckoning about the consequences of our actions, and many other things that might appear plainly clear when exposed, yet they seem more likely to fall into oblivion.

The thing now is: we know it. Or we think that we do. Are we going to do something to test our theories or just remain theorizing endlessly?


|ng (The patted shoulder remembers, the elbowed side resists)

 

[MagSec4]

I'll testify validity to |ng's words.. I can tell you all that I get nothing handed to me, and that if I don't help myself and fight for myself, nobody'd* give a shit ..I'll just be left to dwindle away alone. Of course, there are people that have more or less luck, (I tend to lie in the latter category) but you can never simply count on it.

*..generally speaking (society). Because there are people that really do care about each of us, some have more than others, and it is this blessed group of people that make life worth living and give you that strength to stand up and fight for your piece of life.
The problem for some lies in failing/refusing to recognize this group of special people or the importance of their influence.

 

[rahvin]

And when are you gonna do the same?

considering local laws and their possible evolution, i plan to retire about forty years from now, give or take a couple of years.

When are you gonna step forward and do what you really want to do or seek for it until you find out?

how many people are doing what they really really want to? not many. how many people are currently trying to? almost everybody.
this is as if you were saying: win, rahvin! or try to win! i certainly appreciate the support, but in relation to a loved one going away it's pretty irrelevant.

One can't think of it like unnatural disasters,

when did i say it was unnatural?

I understand but we can't but play along and accept the change.

i didn't sabotage his plan by tying him to a chair, if that's what you mean.

as for points a to f, they're generic guidelines that apply to everybody. i've heard the preachings before, just like i've heard the self-motivational pseudo-metallish "i'll stand strong and fight because my might lies within" lines. i even agree that - albeit in a very vague and cliched sort of way - they represent a position i share and apply with fervour. but i was expressing my sadness for a specific event (or a series of specific events, if you want), not berating the burden of this *sob sob* horrible *sob sob* life.

as a side note, i had totally forgot about writing anything on the enemy

 

[hyena]

well, i sure do remember your interpretation of the enemy, it was completely great and i'm positive that mikael said you were right because actually he was thinking of adopting your version, saying "i had infused this deep meaning in the song all along".

i think, though, that you're hiding between wordplay in the rest of your response. we all know it's not often that |ngenius writes sensible things ( ), but in this case i must really concur on his points - not least because i tried to state something similar in one of my previous posts. i suggest that you ponder over how what he says fits to your life in general instead of easily demonstrating that it is not applicable in this situation. you know you don't need this kind of shell.

 

[Human Desert]

NF: Tempted to get excited but i might be too tired for that..*tires anyway*

 

[Hiljainen]

NF: Always more convinced that sometimes i should close myself in a closet instead of talking to people or being in front of the computer (and so talking to people again). I need someone to tie me to the opposite corner of the room and leave me there when my mood/mind situation gets worse.

 

[Human Desert]

NF: Annoyed that i missed the In Flames gig because i was busy crying at the time :/
Also thoughtful..I really need to change. change change change change CHANGE.
Andddd OMFG I WANT MY PIERCING AND TATTOO ALREADY, I NEED MONEYYY!!

 

[YaYo]

NF: good new music (Isis), doing a nice hobby im proud of, with good hope for something significant in future (my music, recording) and nice food (chocolate).... what more could a man want?

 

[Human Desert]

NF: Great I love being home alone. I'm listening to exciting music and i've done lots of stuff today. I woke up at 10 and then went to see Heidi and came back home at 12, and i've fixed my bag and my shirt, found new lamps and now i can finally see something in my room (woohoo), designed my tattoo, and cleaned all my piercings (which was torture and now i'm bleeding because i had to be a bit violent) And now i'm going to organise all my clothes because my closet's so full that i can't find anything in there anymore. And i love singing

 

[|ngenius]

considering local laws and their possible evolution, i plan to retire about forty years from now, give or take a couple of years.

this is as if you were saying: win, rahvin! or try to win! i certainly appreciate the support, but in relation to a loved one going away it's pretty irrelevant.



i didn't sabotage his plan by tying him to a chair, if that's what you mean.

as for points a to f, they're generic guidelines that apply to everybody

Well, certainly I didn't expect such a full-of-irony kind of reply. The fact is that for so long now I've been browsing this board every now and then and despite of my irregular activities I've been catching these "I'm feeling so terrible that I'm gonna leave" kind of posts.

I assume you were just trying to put my words into a rather... uhhhmmm... less serious way of speaking, I really struggle to take it that way, although somehow I sense some bitterness speaking along the lines, maybe some sardonic subliminal message like: "I know, I know, but stop throwing those power metal lyrics at me, would you mind?".

Because I know that you're not stupid and you knew I was talking about much more than your boss retirement. Otherwise, it is you who thinks that I am stupid, another thing that I also strive to keep out of my mind. (But I am, in a very expressive way of being stupid).

Just a last point about this.

how many people are currently trying to? almost everybody.

I don't think so. There's a quite noticeable difference between trying to and just expecting it to happen. Most of people just think that things are the way they are, and if there's any chance of change, it is gonna show up by itself. Everybody wanna be happy, not so many people really fight for what they want or believe, especially when it is totally different from what the rest of the world seem to seek for. Conformism is a very popular idiosyncrasy, and a powerful way to adapt yourself to the world.


|ng.


P.S: Thanks, hyena, for remembering Rahvin's lines about "The Enemy". I'm not that crazy, after all.

 

[rahvin]

@|ng: i wasn't making fun of you, nor did i notice any irony to speak of. my opinion is still that your guidelines do not apply to the case in point in a specific kind of way. in a generic kind of way, i did and do agree that taking matters into one's own hands is a safer way to deal with problems. this said, i don't really mean to write down anything but the most light-hearted comments from now on.

 

[|ngenius]

this said, i don't really mean to write down anything but the most light-hearted comments from now on.

Oh, come on, stop it. You know perfectly well that you can write down whatever you want, and there will be some people eager to reach out their hands and try to give you the kind of support you need, or just leave some words, opinions on the matter, or whatever. Not in vain you feel quite at home here, bound in a deep level (maybe too deep sometimes?) to the board and its regulars.

You were reaching deeper implications in your first post, when moaning about the idea that people seem to vanish too early from your life. That's why I didn't attach myself to the simple fact of your boss retirement.


|ng.

 

[Human Desert]

NF: There's someone in the world who really needs to die. I need to kill her with my own bare hands. I hate her so much that it makes me cry. She fucking ruins everything. She should never have been born, because her existence ruins my life. I'm so glad that my good old teacher raped her.