thanks to all: hyena, Mel, Sunjammer, VultureCulture, Nick, rahvin, Villain, atlantis, Wanderingblade. your thoughts have been very uplifting at a time when i really needed it.
VC: i was saddened to learn about all the troubles you've had to endure this past holiday season. sorry to hear that you lost your grandmother.
also, i've been through a parental split as well. my parents hated each other since i was 7 but they stayed together for us (the kids) until my youngest brother turned
18 and then they split. i don't know if it would be better to live with one parent or two parents who hate each other. it's a lose-lose situation i guess. anyway, i hope life is treating you better these days.
Mel: i remember reading that you lost your grandfather within the last year also. i want to extend my very belated condolences to you even at this late, late hour anyway. sorry if i've opened an old wound by doing so but i want you to know i do remember your sorrow at that time, and i apologize for not c/sharing with you then.
atlantis: thank you for your kind words. kitty and other companion animal loss is, to many, the same as the loss of a family member. i'm sorry you lost your beloved companion, your familiar. it's very difficult to have that bond broken.
as The Grand Wazoo mentioned before, we don't always
know everyone that we chat and discuss with online but i think it's good that we have this medium to reach out to others and express our thoughts. thanks again, all.
my mom's (Carol's) passing has been one big reality check for me. she would have been 64 in a couple of weeks.
she had been a kidney dialysis patient for many years - more than is expected, or so i've been informed. she was only working with one remaining kidney and when that one was starting to fail, the dialysis became her lifeline. occasional hospital stays were common as new vein grafts were often necessary. i learned that she was in the hospital right before Christmas and i didn't go down there then (regret). when i learned that the situation was becoming grave. i made arrangements to get down there the next day, and as you already know, i didn't quite make it.
the last time i saw my mother alive was in May of 2001 when i went down for a visit over Mother's Day weekend. i've pretty much been a wuss about flying since 9/11 and have avoided air travel since then, but that doesn't excuse not driving down there...or calling more often (guilt).
both my brothers were there with her every day at the hospital up until the end. i arrived later in the afternoon on the day of her passing. my sister, who came in from Minneapolis, arrived later that evening. so there we were, the 4 of us, at the funeral home the next day - Saturday morning - getting ready to make mom's funeral arrangements. my parents were divorced/remarried and dad elected not to be involved in the process. my mom's second husband passed several years ago, so it was up to us.
i was doing alright trying to hold back the tears again until the actual discussion with the funeral director began. for being the eldest of the 4 and supposedly the strong one, man I was losing it, sobbing like a baby when all of a sudden i interrupted by brother and the director and asked my sibs if they recalled my mom saying how she really didn't care to live in the State of Texas but she did so because most of her children, and ALL 3 of her grandchildren were there (none of them being mine, btw. regret?
). my sister had lived there for quite a while but had moved to Minnesota in 2000. she shares custody of her boy with her ex who still lives in TX. she has him on holidays and during the summer. he had just gotten up to MN a few days before they both had to fly down.
after i posed my question there was a brief awkward silence except for my sobbing, and then i said do we really want to stick her body in the ground here? Carol did not have a preference regarding burial or cremation, but i'm pretty sure my brother was ready to have my mom's remains stuck in the ground in Texas.
then, like a flood the ideas poured into my head and i blurted out that i think we should cremate her remains and on Mother's Day 2003 we should all reconvene in Winnimac, Indiana, (her birthplace) and spread some of her ashes there. the rest of the ashes will be divided amongst the 4 of us and will be kept in keepsake urns that my sister will craft...because she's the crafty type and she is very good at it. ;-)
yep, big sis, the strong one, coming to the fore with some tough decisions in a moment of desperation and despair...pffff...all the while filling up the trash basket with used Kleenex tissues.
there was another short pause and then i think what i said to them made sense. at least it did to me at the time. i did have some passing doubts about the decision shortly after i returned home but i think we did the right thing. we did have a nice open casket wake/memorial service with flowers, etc, for Carol at my brothers church. i didn't oppose that. she would have liked that, so it was done. and then she was burned the next day. ashes to ashes...
like i said, 'reality check'! i'm almost 41 years old and this is the first time i've ever had to deal directly with funeral matters/arrangements. it's made me realize that i have made no provisions for my own thus far, but i know for sure that after my death i want my decaying carcass to be torched in the hottest oven or other funeral pyre in town. i
do not want to be laid to rest six feet under. also, i really don't really have
that many worldly possessions but damn, i now wonder to whom shall leave my massive(?) CD collection after i shuffle off.
i don't want to be overly morbid here, but does anyone else here have strong feelings about the final disposition of their mortal remains after death? i know you're mostly younger people, who may or may not have thoughts on this, but if you do, i'd be interested in reading your perspectives on this issue. i've been reading up on what positions and policies the various religions of the world embrace on cremation vs burial and i'm finding it to be quite interesting.
still more to know of course...
rebecca
