Carpe Mortem
Benevolently Batshit
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On the flipside they probably say a lot of stupid shit though. Necessitating further inebriation.
The "What Are You Doing This Moment" Thread
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JontRevolting
FALSE ARREST! FALSE ARREST!
Shit what a fucking weekend, way too much alcohol
after send the dudes from Intense Hammer Rage an abusive email or three on Friday I just visited my nan where I get all my stuff sent and Lo and behold it a arrived on Friday and I had to apologise, also apologies to anyone here if I upset or offended anyone.
after send the dudes from Intense Hammer Rage an abusive email or three on Friday I just visited my nan where I get all my stuff sent and Lo and behold it a arrived on Friday and I had to apologise, also apologies to anyone here if I upset or offended anyone.I got a Shark vacuum for Christmas. I like it a lot. It makes it a lot easier to keep it clean around here.
CiG
Harbinger of Metal
Krigloch the Furious
Pants full of poo
Onder
Active Member
- Apr 10, 2006
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Incredible things happened yesterday.
I was in the pub and a girl close to me and my family confessed to having balls. Apparently she's a hermaphrodite, that's what she said. Now this is comical for several reasons. One, she has fucking balls even though she's a girl. Two, the way she told me. She was completely calm about it, although drunk, and asked "didn't you ever wonder why I don't sleep with your brother even though we live together?" and I was like, well, of course I fucking wondered about that but I would never ask and I would also honestly never imagine that you sport two big ones under that skirt so color me surprised still.
Two of my friends who're alcoholics and not very social people were there at the table yesterday. They don't really go to any other places than this pub and when we're there we always talk to the same people over and over that's why I say they're not very social. Both of them drink a lot and even though they could get a girlfriend they're just too lazy to go out of the pub in their free time. Like last week, this guy Mike got a phone call from some girl who wanted to go on a date with him and he told her that he was stoned as fuck and that she needs to fuck off. Basically it's because he would rather be drunk and stoned than go outside.
Those two seemed to immediately forget about the balls thing. I went home to take a nap as I was incredibly tired and then returned after about two hours. I went to the pub refreshed to have more beers and I see Mike got really familiar with the girl, they were drunk and french kissing and I immediately thought he must have forgotten about the balls. They seemed to enjoy themselves greatly and I didn't find space to remind him about the testicular feature of his new love. In several minutes my brother arrived to give her a ride home and Mike went with them. I told my brother that his roommate apparently has a new boyfriend and he knows him so he goes "good choice" sarcastically. However he does take them home.
One last word to the girl, I said "so it looks like you're gonna get fucked tonight right?" and she goes "well only way to fuck me would be in the butt" and I was like oh yeah this.
I kinda freaked out so I called my girlfriend and told her about the balls and about how this girl is taking Mike home and if we should do something. I shouldn't have called my girlfriend because she immediately thought I was completely wasted and probably drugged too so she didn't really say anything and I knew that she was just mad as fuck. Maybe I'm underestimating Mike and he knew about the balls and just doesn't give a shit which would be fantastic but I know him pretty well so I doubt that. I can't imagine how hard it is to find a partner in her case so yeah. Good luck.
He was in the pub shouting about how people didn't think he would meet a girl in the pub and I thought well you say that.
I wonder what happened then, I have to call someone.
I was in the pub and a girl close to me and my family confessed to having balls. Apparently she's a hermaphrodite, that's what she said. Now this is comical for several reasons. One, she has fucking balls even though she's a girl. Two, the way she told me. She was completely calm about it, although drunk, and asked "didn't you ever wonder why I don't sleep with your brother even though we live together?" and I was like, well, of course I fucking wondered about that but I would never ask and I would also honestly never imagine that you sport two big ones under that skirt so color me surprised still.
Two of my friends who're alcoholics and not very social people were there at the table yesterday. They don't really go to any other places than this pub and when we're there we always talk to the same people over and over that's why I say they're not very social. Both of them drink a lot and even though they could get a girlfriend they're just too lazy to go out of the pub in their free time. Like last week, this guy Mike got a phone call from some girl who wanted to go on a date with him and he told her that he was stoned as fuck and that she needs to fuck off. Basically it's because he would rather be drunk and stoned than go outside.
Those two seemed to immediately forget about the balls thing. I went home to take a nap as I was incredibly tired and then returned after about two hours. I went to the pub refreshed to have more beers and I see Mike got really familiar with the girl, they were drunk and french kissing and I immediately thought he must have forgotten about the balls. They seemed to enjoy themselves greatly and I didn't find space to remind him about the testicular feature of his new love. In several minutes my brother arrived to give her a ride home and Mike went with them. I told my brother that his roommate apparently has a new boyfriend and he knows him so he goes "good choice" sarcastically. However he does take them home.
One last word to the girl, I said "so it looks like you're gonna get fucked tonight right?" and she goes "well only way to fuck me would be in the butt" and I was like oh yeah this.
I kinda freaked out so I called my girlfriend and told her about the balls and about how this girl is taking Mike home and if we should do something. I shouldn't have called my girlfriend because she immediately thought I was completely wasted and probably drugged too so she didn't really say anything and I knew that she was just mad as fuck. Maybe I'm underestimating Mike and he knew about the balls and just doesn't give a shit which would be fantastic but I know him pretty well so I doubt that. I can't imagine how hard it is to find a partner in her case so yeah. Good luck.
He was in the pub shouting about how people didn't think he would meet a girl in the pub and I thought well you say that.
I wonder what happened then, I have to call someone.
JontRevolting
FALSE ARREST! FALSE ARREST!
Are the balls located behind the vag or in front, I wonder if the balls are functional or just a sort of throwback somehow passed down from her ancestors.
Onder
Active Member
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I honestly don't know. I don't think it would be appropriate to ask about that in front of the other people. If ever.
JontRevolting
FALSE ARREST! FALSE ARREST!
Baroque
Active Member
Maybe Mike was determined to find out
Onder
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Yeah I will give him a phone call in the afternoon. I don't want to reach him while he's still at her place that would be awkward.
JontRevolting
FALSE ARREST! FALSE ARREST!
JontRevolting
FALSE ARREST! FALSE ARREST!
suckerleaf
Active Member
Onder
Active Member
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So I went to the pub to talk to Mike and it turns out he did the right thing and inspected her crotch. Turns out there are no balls and he fingered her pussy to make sure. Or that's what he says. He also spanked her butt with his dick. This is probably for the good. I still don't understand why a girl would walk into a bar and say that she has balls but whatever, and it all made a lot of sense actually. Maybe they had fun with her balls and then decided to keep it a secret and refute all previous drunken claims.
In the morning he was sent to buy some ham and she made him an omelette. He spent the rest of the day drinking as usual. When I met him in the pub he was falling from the chair and throwing stuff around so everything's back to normal.
In the morning he was sent to buy some ham and she made him an omelette. He spent the rest of the day drinking as usual. When I met him in the pub he was falling from the chair and throwing stuff around so everything's back to normal.
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DarkGuitarLord
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